The "Favorite Simpsons Quotes" thread.

[Villano]

Homer: Oh, everything's too damned expensive these days. This Bible cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody's a sinner! Well, except this guy.

Bart: This sucks!
Marge: Bart! Where did you learn such language?!
Homer (on the telephone): Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked a suck!

Homer: You know, Moe, my mom once said something that really stuck with me. She said, "Homer, you're a big disappointment", and God bless her soul, she was really onto something.

Homer: They have the Internet on computers, now?

Homer (helping Bart break off a fictional date he set for his teacher): Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You.

Homer: Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?

Homer: Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such.

Homer: Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

Homer: I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.

Homer: English - Who needs that? I'm never going to England!

Homer: What now on the what what?

Lenny (after being hit in the eye with pudding): My eye! I'm not supposed to get pudding in it!

Krabappel: Embiggens? I'd never heard of that word until I moved to Springfield.
Hoover: I don't know why, its a perfectly cromulent word.

Cop: Did you hold a grudge against Mr. Burns?
Moe: No. *bzzz* All right, maybe I did. But I didn't shoot him. *ding *
Cop: Checks out. Okay, sir, you're free to go.
Moe: Good, 'cuz I got a hot date tonight. *bzzz* A date. *bzzz* Dinner with friends. *bzzz* Dinner alone. *bzzz* Watching TV alone. *bzzz* ALL RIGHT! I'm going to sit at home and ogle the ladies in the Victoria's Secret catalogue. *bzzz* (hangs head in shame) Sears catalogue. *ding* Now would you unhook this already, please?! I don't deserve this kind of shabby treatment. *bzzz*

Mulder: Look at this Scully -- there's been another U.F.O. sighting in the heartland of America. We have to get there right away.
Scully: Well, gee, Mulder, there's also this shipment of illegal drugs and weapons coming into New Jersey tonight.
Mulder: I hardly think the F.B.I. is concerned with matters like that.

Lisa: Wait! Doesn't the Bible say, "Judge not, lest ye be judged"?
Wiggum: The Bible says a lot of things.

Bart (crank calling Moe): Is Homer there? Last name "Sexual"?

Bart: Dad, why did you bring me to a gay steel mill?
Homer (sobbing): I don't know!

 

[mojo1701]

Okay, I got a lot, but I'm too tired to write them all. I'll try it tomorrow:

The BeSharps: (Singing) For the latest medical poop, call surgeon general C. Everett Coop. Poo poo pa doop.

Apu: this is worse than your song about Mr. T

Homer: I pity the fool that doesn't like...

He.


I love Mr. T. He really does pity the fool. And so do I!

 

[ConnorSB]

When homer's jaw is broken, he and marge go to Mr. Burns' party.

Burns: So, how do you like the evening
Homer writes on his little chalkboard "SO HUNGRY"
Burns Why yes, the music IS from south hungary. Here, have some money.

 

[Datt]

Former President Carter: (After tripping) D'oh!

Grandpa: Dear Mr. President, there are too many states these days. Please eliminate three. Sincerely, Abe Simpson. PS: I am not a crackpot

 

[Taren Seeker]

A friend of mine used this one me the other day. In the middle of an email analyzing powergaming 2e he inserted this gem:

" And I had an onion on my belt.. which was
the style at the time, of course it was a green onion since the war was
on, and nickels were made of wood and everyone called em bees, because
there was a picture of a bee on them.. 'give me five bees for a quarter'
you'd say..."

--Grandpa Simpson

 

[mmu1]

Homer (taking a test): "Ok, brain, I don't like you, and you don't like me, so let's just do this, and I can go back to killing you with beer."
Brain: It's a deal!

Homer: "Drunken hicks of the jury..."

Lisa: "You don't have to eat meat! I made enough Gazpacho for everyone!"
Barbeque guest: "What's Gazpacho?"
Lisa: "It's tomato soup, served ice cold!"
Moe: "Go back to Russia, little girl!"

 

[fba827]

Homer No body cuddles with Max Powers, you just strap yourself on (pelvic thrusts) and feel the cheese.



(something like that )

 

[Heretic Apostate]

Former President Carter:

(After tripping)D'oh!

Are you sure it wasn't Gerald Ford? He's the clumsy one.

 

[Eternalknight]

Homer: I am evil Homer! I am evil Homer!

Homer: I know, I'll make myself Vice President. No wait! Junior Vice President.

 

[Byrons_Ghost]

Ah, so many good quotes. I'll just stick with something I've seen recently...

(Fat Tony and his gang are hanging around in the Simpson's yard. Tony does a Godfather routine for the guys, where he puts an orange peel in his mouth and growls at them).

Mobster: That's great! I could wack my own mother after seeing that!
Fat Tony: Actually, I'm glad you brought that up...
Mobster: You want me to wack mom? But she makes such great sauce!
Fat Tony: It comes from a can.
Mobster: That's it- she's a corpse!