The never ending story of ...

[rgoodbb]

As the wooden castle came in sight over a rise, something very odd happened ...


“That’s odd.” Nord frowned.

“I do know his name you know. I’m not a stupid meat shield.” Replied Herewulf.

“No, something very odd has happened.” Continued the Sorcerer of Storms.

“OK, Nord. What is odd?”

“Something has happened with my spells.”

“What, you mean like you can actually cast some now?”

“You don’t know what it’s like at first level. You have to save them.”

“And never use them. Yes. Well actually I do know because I have some as well now.”

“Second level boys. I think we should rest up and plan our attack.” Od had found firewood and fish.

“Wow, good survival skills man.”

“Well I’m a jack of all trades really. Now let me sing you a song while we rest and plan. Herewulf, you’re the military man. How should we proceed?”

“Well. I’ve been thinking about Ow!”

“You’ve been thinking about what?”

A second sling bullet hit the sergeant in the head. From above them the Druid had set his staff into the ground. The top end of it was Y shaped.

“A slingstaff. That is old school man.” Noted Nord.

Od was about to agree when one of the branches he had collected stated wrapping around his neck.

“Warp Wood. Now I haven’t seen that in a while. I always liked that spell.” Stated Nord, feeling oddly nostalgic

“agherghcahcaherrru.” Replied the Bard.

Nord looked to Herewulf for assistance but he had taken four shots to the head now and was out cold. “Hmm. Must have been magic stones.”

The Paladin was out. The Bard was out. The Sorcerer was thinking too much and not sorcering sorsing, sor

Appearing next to Oakleaf the evil Druid, the goat Tangzor slowly lowered his head to begin a charge when……………………..

 

[BoldItalic]

the goat Tangzor slowly lowered his head to begin a charge when……………………..

Nord drew himself up to his full height, raised his hands dramatically and threw a handful of rose petals in the air. "Sweet Dreams," he murmured, then added "Urawoah!". Now, as anyone knows who makes his Intelligence(Arcana) roll, the word "Urawoah" is not part of the V component of the Sleep spell. It is, in fact, a special secret word used by pirates who have just lost their footing and flown 10ft sideways without quite expecting to. It happens a lot on ships being tossed about in storms but not so much in the vicinity of wooden castles in hell. Nevertheless, Nord used it on this occasion.

With druid and goat snoring gently, Nord picked himself up, stablised the paladin and started attending to Od, who was turning blue. "This is going to hurt you more than it hurts me," he told the snake as he applied his rapier to its nose. "Dere'ssss gno gneed to be unpleassssent abougt it!" hissed the snake as it let go of the Bard and wriggled away.

Nord paused to think. His two friends were unconscious and likely to remain so for 1d4 hours. He had no means of healing them. The druid and goat would only stay asleep for a fraction of a minute. He must deal with them somehow, fairly urgently. Stabbing at them with his rapier wouldn't work because he wouldn't be able to damage them fast enough, even with autocrits, before they woke up very annoyed. He could repeat the Sleep spell a few times but that would only postpone the inevitable. He needed a different spell.

A chorus of shouts came from the chorus who were hidden in another dimension and weren't supposed to be there. "GREEN FLAME! GREEN FLAME!" the yelled insistently. Suddenly, Nord knew what to do ...

 

[rgoodbb]

Suddenly, Nord knew what to do ...

FLAMMAM VIRIDEM was the start of an incantation for a very special spell. A spell he knew well. This would sort out his entire dilemma in one foul/fowl swoop. He went through the gestures and ended with the words VERUM PERCUTIENS.

VERUM PERCUTIENS. Why didn't I think of that before. It trumps all others. A basic I win button. And a cantrip to boot! Happy he had swept away any resistance, Nord rejuvenated his allies and they waltzed and weedled their way to the wooden warfort.

Herewulf, or Lumpy as he was currently being referred to, broke in the doors with an impressive roll and they made their way, gingerly to the top of the stairs again. The boulder (yes. it was always boulders) was slotted away. Looting the top room with abandon, (it was Queen I think (We will rock you (yes more boulders))), they found a grand total of:

10 crimson.......
3 matching........
A shield of.......
and a leafy tome with a title exclaiming.......

 

[BoldItalic]

The three heroes took a short rest and looked over the loot.

Herewulf looked closely at the shield, and discovered that underneath a thick layer of black soot over its front surface there was a symbol of Eldath, the very goddess whom he himself worshipped. "This can't be coincidence," he said quietly, "This shield was surely meant for me. But what is it doing down here in hell, and why is it obscured with soot?" He turned it over and scrutinised the back. Faintly visible was a short inscription that had been almost scratched out. It read Property of Sir Noxious of Phlem.

"Od," he asked, "Have you ever heard of a paladin called Noxious of Phlem? The name means nothing to me."

"Wasn't he the fellow who fell into bad ways and tried to team up with a balrog? Got roasted? Why, is that his shield? It would account for the soot."

"Could be. It's a good shield, though. Just what I need to replace the one I lost in the gelatinous cube. I can probably get the soot off somehow."

"I can do you an Unseen Servant if you like, clean it up and polish it for you?"

"Would you do that? Thanks a lot. What do you make of the green hats?"

"They are magical, in a way. There's one for each of us. If we all wear them, we will look like a team and get +1 Charisma as long as we don't take them off. We get -1 Stealth, though, on account of the little bells. Here, try one for size."

Herewulf put on the green hat with the jingly bells and immediately felt very silly although he had to admit that it did keep his head warm. "What do you think, Nord?" he asked, "Do I look like an idiot in this hat?"

"Yes," replied Nord, "But you look like an idiot even without the hat so don't ket it worry you. By the way, I think I've worked out what these Crimson things are for. Let's get going. I'll explain on the way."

"Whither are we bound?"

"We'll know when we get there."

 

[rgoodbb]

"We'll know when we get there."...

Along the way to there, Od began reading though the leafy tome. It was obviously the personal diary of Oakwood....uhm.......Downside. (I had to read back to remember) He seemingly went on a quest with two others to get the hell out of Hell and it appears he was successful. Why in Hell did he come back to Hell after getting the Hell out of Hell? Maybe he was in high water.

"Hey, it says here that these hats help us get out of here and get to there. We have to remove the clappers from these bells and then go to Ghost Temple, defeat the invisible ghost and then dance through a portal."

"I wouldn't mind getting back to that pub. It's damned 'ot dan 'ere an I need a quencha'. 'Ere 'erewulf, pull off me clappa' if you know what I mean."

"Wha..Oh. OK. Hey I'm alot happier now about not having to jingle all the way there. So where is this temple?"

"It's more of an acropolis I think, but we travel through The Boggle Bogs to get there apparently."

"The Boggle Bogs ey'? Great name. 'Oo makes up these things? The mind.............wonders."

So the party moved forward/onward/on/ahead/towards/forth, and the land became more muddy and slippery. Through their natural perception they heard a commotion ahead.

Jelenneth, Xena the Wolf Rider (aged 8 and one half now), Amanda and Bigby on the lame unicorn bringing up the rear, were all stuck in a quagmire on the edge of the Boggle Bogs."

"Jeli."

"Sergeant. Good to see you, nice hat by the way. It does not make you look more like an idiot. Sorry that turned out..."

"S'OK. M'OK with it now. Need some help"

"Oh gods yes. I don't suppose you happen to have 10 crimson...............

 

[rgoodbb]

I will keep saying this, but does anyone else wish to add a post to further the story? Please chip in anytime with a post or two you would be most welcome.

 

[BoldItalic]

10 crimson............... geese?

"Well, actually, we do. We were wondering what to do with them. They make rather unreliable alarm clocks."

"If we harness them together and get them to fly," explained Jeli, "they might lift us one by one out of this swamp."

"Novel. Worth a try."

They started with Little Xena the Wolf Rider because that made the lightest load. Suitable harnesses were fashioned from the lengths of rope that everyone was carrying and the procedure was explained to the geese who, fortunately, seemed remarkably intelligent and quick on the uptake. There was a gloopy, squelchy sound as Xena and her wolf were lifted free by ten quickly uptaking crimson geese and deposited on firm ground a little distance away.

Last to go was Jeli on her unicorn. Did I mention she was riding a unicorn? He was called Stubbs because he once had his portait painted by a famous artist of that name. The geese were getting tired by this time and Jeli was rather more, er, how can I put this delicately, she was about 100 lb less light than the children. The upshot was, she was still stuck.

"Stop laughing," snapped Jeli. "Forget the geese, just harness all the other unicorns together to pull me out."

There was a certain amount of discussion amongst the other unicorns at this suggestion. They weren't too keen on the idea of being harnessed up to pull things like so many oxen. They were proud beasts but they couldn't leave Stubbs in the lurch so they agreed to pull him out, provided the elf got off and stayed where she was.

Jeli shrieked. It was a loud shriek of indignation with a side order of betrayal but it was a convincing shriek. Very convincing. And also very loud. So loud that it attracted the unwelcome attention of ...

 

[rgoodbb]

So loud that it attracted the unwelcome attention of ...

.......one hundred and one Lemures. These moldable masses of malleable mucus bubbled and babbled and arose from the stenchfull bog. Their bodies slapping and slurping, slopping and slipping as they slowly drew near to the hellish scream.
"Mmmmmmmmmmmmissssstressssss." They all seemed to say at once. "We heard your pain and were enthraaaaaalled by it."

Jeli was lost for words. And as such, the unworthy devils, in her silence, began to withdraw.

"Ok. Ok. just help me get out of this mess will you."

Nothing. They continued to leave.

"JUST GET ME OUT OF HERE!!" She bellowed, and they responded. They responded to her screams.

"Well that could be kinda useful, I guess."

"Although not very stealthy."

"Dude we have girls riding unicorns and wolves and you're wearing metal armour."

"It's a fair point. To the acropolis?"

"To the Acropolis?" They all cheered together. Embarrassingly. Painfully. Awkwardly. Excruciatingly. Cornilly. With extra cheese. A couple of Lemures weedily tumbled across their path to show their thoughts of the display.

After agreeing to never cheer together again like that, they set off. The Lemures had receded away due to the lack of screams, as the ragtag group neared the acropolis. The bells on Od, Nord and Herewulf's hats began to clinkle and clang and chim and chime even though the clappers had been removed. That meant one thing.

"Ghosts.................

 

[BoldItalic]

"Something I've always wondered about ghosts," wondered Herewulf wonderingly, "Can ghosts see ghosts?"

"Why not?" replied Od.

"Well, some people can see ghosts and some ghosts can see people but how do we know if ghosts we can't see can see other ghosts we can't see, if we can't see them seeing them?"

"You're overthinking it. It only matters if ghosts can see us because if they can, they're probably dangerous."

"Like that big one over there in the Acropolis, you mean? The one that's waving at us and beckoning us towards it?"

"Definitely. Extremely dangerous. Just look at the way it's pointing to that big sarcophagus that's so obviously full of treasure and signalling that we should help ourselves. It's such an obvious trap."

"Funny, it doesn't smell evil. Just sort of blank. Anyway, how are we at fighting ghosts? I quite fancy doing some Smiting. Do you have any useful spells? How about you, Nord?"

"I think I might stand well back and use Witch Bolt," replied the pirate. "You barge in and smite away but don't get in the way of my lightning. Metal armour and all that."

"I suppose you know ghosts have resistance to lightning?"

"Ghosts have resistance to practically everything. It just takes twice as long, that's all."

"Okay, we have a plan. Jeli, you had better keep the children away."

At this suggestion, there was a shrill chorus of "Oh no, we're not scared. We have unicorns."

"Have it your own way," replied Od, starting up a stiring melody on his flute as they all began a determined march towards the ghost to the beat of "Glory, Glory, Halelujah." But with different words, obviously.

The ghost, seeing that waving in a friendly fashion was out of fashion, turned hostile, waited until everyone was in range and then shouted "BOO!". It was gratified when several of the little girls shrieked in terror and aged 1d4x10 years at the horror of it all. Xena (18¾) was suddenly very grown up but she was the lucky one. Amanda was now 49, still single and in the presence of three fairly-eligible bachelors if you aren't too fussy and at that age you can't afford to be.

The relentless march continued, minus a few suddenly-not-so-young-but-nevertheless-still-terrified ladies, and Nord began his Witch Bolt attack. Lightning poured forth from his hands and a smell of ozone grew in intensity until eveyone's eyes started to sting. Meanwhile, Herewulf closed in and started smiting. This seemed to worry the ghost, if only because it was actually the ghost of Sir Noxious of Phlem, waiting all eternity for redemption and unlikely to get it, and he knew all about Smiting. And he recognised something about Herewulf, too. "Hey, that's my shield!" shouted the ghost inaudibly.

It would have been a lengthy fight, the attackers doing little damage each round, had the ghost not turned the tables by possessing Jeli.

"?" said Herewulf.

"?" said Nord.

"???" said Od.

"Ooh!" said a lot of femine voices of various ages.

And then ...

 

[rgoodbb]

"I Scream."

"No, I Scream."

"No, I Scream with Jeli!" Shouted Bigby, the loudest of them all. She had already removed her spoon from the saddle of her half-lame Unicorn: Poppett Danear, and was racing with bowl in hand right towards the ghost.

The ghost then disappeared but the male adventurers thought up a cunning plan and triangulated its position by using the jingling of their bells without clappers.

Lady Bigby as she was now being known, stopped still when she could no longer see the ghost. Furious that she could be denied her yummy pudding, planted her feet. rooting them to the ground. She began an incantation. A forbidden incantation. One that would have dramatic repercussions not only on herself and her party members, but on life itself. One that she knew the ghost could not resist. It was worth it she reasoned. She remembered her parents. She remembered her first teddy, and she began to shake. Bigby could not hold back the tears anymore. Her fists were clenched so tight that her palms were bleeding. That's OK. I need blood for this. With one last thought of whether she was really about to do this entering and exiting her conscious mind, She let her subconscious take over now. She was running on muscle memory of the gestures, whispering frantically and without pause. She first felt the power in her stomach. It rose slowly and made her feel dizzy. Her feet tingled and soon the rest of the body was awash with power, the floodgates had opened and her very soul was driving the power of creation. When she could no longer hold it in. Stem the tide. She uttered the words of power. The words that no Ghost could ever resist.

"Come out, come out, wherever you are........