The Untold Adventures of Fap Longwood & Friends!


Great story hour, and I'm really liking the style, can I ask questions?

Like how many sessions is this?
Are you VTT or tabletop (pre-meltdown)?
Is the game ongoing?
Have you finished Lost Mines?

I have other questions, sorry- I'll back off if you're disinclined.

Great work regardless, kudos. Keep it up.

Cheers goonalan

Thanks for the likes, it really motivates me to keep writing! :)

At this point in the story, we're about 8/9 sessions in. We're playing tabletop at home, I'm fortunate enough to game with my immediate family.

The game is ongoing. We've just hit level 5 and wrapped up Lost Mines, the plan is to slide into Tyranny of Dragons and see how we get on versus Tiamat. I'm planning to let the group steam-roll chapter one as written (and see how having a party of level 5 characters effects certain encounters), skip chapters 2 & 3 entirely, then pick up the campaign with the road trip in chapter four.

Your questions and feedback are always welcome! Thanks for reading! :)

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The Adventures of Fap Longwood #19 (Lost Mine of Phandelver)

“Er… Hello.” Fap says uncertainly, “What’s your name then?”

“Steve. Steve the Spectator. Nice to meet you!”

“Er… Nice to meet you too….”

“How can I help you today?”
Steve asks, “Are you lost? You look kind of lost.”

“We’re looking for the Forge of Spells.”
Fap says, glancing from the Spectator to the flickering green flame.

“You’ve found it!” Steve says, “It’s my solemn duty to guard the forge from intruders. I don’t know if you know this, but we had some trouble with orcs a while back! You’re not orcs, are you?”

“Er… No.”

“That’s great! I would have had to kill you if you were!”

“How long have you been here?”
Mara asks.

“Oh… ages!!” Steve says, “It’s been quite dull actually.”

“Would you like to take a wee break?”
Brian suggests, “We can watch the forge for a few minutes if you need to freshen up, or something.”

“Oh no! I’m not falling for that again!!”
Steve cries. The Spectator attacks!

Brian jumps up and tags the Spectator with Inflict Wounds. Mara casts Sleep and Steve sinks to the ground, snoring gently. Horatio gingerly picks up the slumbering horror and rolls it into an adjacent chamber. Mara casts Arcane Lock to seal it inside, possibly forever.

Poor Steve.

The party quietly examine the Spell Forge and find two remarkable items; Lightbringer (+1 mace that glows on command and inflicts +1d6 while glowing), and Dragonguard (+1 breastplate that bestows advantage to resist draconic breath weapons). Brian claims both the mace and the armour.

The heroes take a short rest inside the forge chamber. After a while, they can hear Steve bouncing around inside the adjacent room. It doesn’t look like he can get out.


The Adventures of Fap Longwood #20 (Lost Mine of Phandelver)

Somewhat recovered, the party delve ever deeper into Wave Echo Cave. The heroes have secured the Forge of Spells, but have yet to encounter the Black Spider. The fate of Gundren’s youngest brother (Nundro) is still undetermined.

The incessant crashing of waves grows louder as the party move further north. The tunnel terminates at a narrow ledge overlooking a vast underground lake. Although there is no tide, some seismic phenomenon replicates the effects of waves crashing against the cliff face. The heroes carefully traverse the rocky ledge to reach a tunnel mouth in the western wall.

The cavern ahead is divided by a deep ravine. A shallow stream flows along the bottom of the rift. Two bugbears are splashing about in the water, supervised by a third bugbear and what appears to be a drow.

“The Black Spider!” Gundren growls through clenched teeth.

Fap cast Hunters Mark on the dark elf and takes careful aim at his prey. Apparently he was not careful enough, as his shot misses the target and alarms the enemy.

Horatio uses his new boots to spring across the ravine in a single bound and charges toward the drow. The dark elf steps back and commands her bugbear bodyguard to kill the dwarf.

Fap moves forward to get a better angle on the bugbears in the stream. The ledge beneath his feet crumbles and Fap tumbles into the ravine. One of the bugbears tries to cave his head in with a rock. Brian slides into the rift and smites the bugbear with Lightbringer. Blinded by the radiant glow, the bugbear falls prone in the stream. Brian splashes in after it to finish the job and the water runs red with bugbear blood.

Fap raises his bow and takes another shot at the dark elf. This one crits and does a ridiculous amount of damage (1d8 base weapon damage, plus 1d6 for Hunters Mark, plus 1d6 sneak attack damage, plus 1d8 for colossus slayer x2 for Critical Hit, plus 3 dexterity modifier = 35 damage). The drow is killed! The body transforms into a smooth, skinned, featureless grey humanoid; a Doppleganger!

Mara notices that Daran appears upset by the death of the shapechanger. The old adventurer brushes off her questions. Mara is suspicious.

“Come on!” Daran urges, “The real Black Spider must be close!”

Mara says, “How can we be sure that you are really you?”

“What?! Of course I’m really me!”
Daran protests.

“Who is the current leader of the Order of the Gauntlet?” Brian asks.

“We don’t have time for this!” Daran argues, “The Black Spider - ”

“Can wait.”
Brian says, “Answer the question.”

“I… I… er….”

Mara cries, throwing a Firebolt into Daran’s face.
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The Adventures of Fap Longwood #21 (Lost Mine of Phandelver)

Not-Daran flees along a long, straight corridor. Horatio’s new boots enable him to give chase. The passage ends at a pair of heavy stone doors.

“Master!!” Not-Daran shrieks, “The heroes of Phandalin are here!!”

Heroes of Phandalin,”
Fap muses, “I like the sound of that!”

Hoaratio cuts the doppleganger down and the body sprawls across the threshold of the Black Spider’s lair; a long room lined with stone columns, watched over by the statue of an enthroned dwarf, precious emeralds sparkling where his eyes should be. A makeshift workshop has been set up in the centre of the chamber, stacked high with scrolls and tomes of arcane lore. Two brawny bugbears loom protectively to either side of a robed and hooded dark elf. The drow carries a staff capped with the likeness of a large, black spider.

“It seems I must end deal with you myself,” the dark elf grumbles, “A pity it must end this way.”

The two bugbears crack their hairy knuckles and move forward to engage the party, while the Black Spider casts Invisibility on himself and simply disappears. Brian sends the first bodyguard to bugbear hell with a gout of Sacred Flame, while Fap shoots the second bugbear in the face. Mara casts Detect Magic to locate the invisible drow. She notes that the statue of the back of the room is also emitting a faint magical aura.

“Tell me where he is!” Horatio shouts.

“There!” Mara cries, pointing.

Horatio can’t see anything, but he trusts the wizard and swings Talon as directed. There is a flash of light as the blade bounces off a magical Shield. The Black Spider becomes visible to cast Magic Missile, spreading the damage out evenly across the party. Brian retaliates with Guiding Bolt, which penetrates the dark elf’s shield.

“Defend me, my children of the webbed cradle!” the Black Spider cries out.

Four giant spiders drop from the ceiling and attack! Horatio is bitten twice and suffers additional poison damage. Horatio chugs a health potion. The third spider shoots a glob of sticky webbing at Brian and the fourth weaves a barrier between two pillars, separating Fap and Mara from the two dwarves. Fap produces a torch from his explorer’s pack and burns away the webbing. Mara moves up and casts Burning Hands, hitting the Black Spider and two of his eight-legged offspring. A spider springs on top of the little wizard and starts wrapping her up in an adhesive cocoon. Fap draws back his bowstring and puts an arrow through the Black Spider’s eye. The dark elf topples backward, his spider staff clattering to the floor. The giant spiders spasm as their master expires, then scuttle away from whence they came.

Fap cuts Mara out of her cocoon and the little wizard claims the Staff of the Spider (10x charges, able to cast Spider Climb [1 charge] and Web [2 charges]). She ties colourful ribbons to each of the spider’s legs to make the staff a little less sinister. The party raid the Black Spider’s treasure cache. They also find Nundro Rockseeker locked in an adjacent chamber. Gundren is overjoyed to be reunited with his one surviving brother.

The party return to Phandalin, having slain the Black Spider and saved the town from his wicked machinations. The heroes advance to level 5 and enjoy some well deserved downtime!

(The players tallied up the party treasure and calculated they have a pot of 1457 gold to play with.)


The Adventures of Fap Longwood #22 (Lost Mine of Phandelver)

Several weeks have passed since the heroes defeated the Black Spider….

Brian and Horatio have started to clear the ruins of Cragmaw Castle, planning to restore and renovate the keep as a headquarters for the Heroes of Phandalin. In memory of their late friend, they have renamed the castle Hallwinter Hold.

Meanwhile, Mara works alongside the brothers Rockseeker to rekindle the Forge of Spells. Combining the dwarves skill with metal and Mara’s skill with spells, they are able to craft the first (of many) magical weapons, a +1 longbow which Mara gifts to Fap (the only party member without a magical weapon).

Fap spends a lot of time with Mirna Drendar and the two hit it off in a big way. There are a few raised eyebrows around town, as folk see the young window stepping out with the dashing adventurer. Fap makes plans to visit the abandoned village of Thundertree to recover Mirna’s mother’s necklace, but he has heard rumours of dragon sightings in the area….

The Heroes of Phandalin re-unite to travel to Thundertree, recover Ma Drendar’s lost necklace and maybe slay a dragon….


Loose Ends & Deleted Scenes

The Fate of Glasstaff: After the heroes chased him out of the Redbrand Hideout, Glasstaff hid in the ruins of Tresendar Manor, waiting for the party to leave so he could sneak back in and recover his research notes. The party noticed his tracks and chased him through the woods until he cast Invisibility and Misty Step to lose them.

A few days later (while the party were fighting the orcs at Wyvern Tor), Glasstaff snuck back into the hideout and was ambushed by the blind nothic while crossing the chasm. Glasstaff’s body now lies among the skeletons at the bottom of the ravine and the nothic has claimed his magical staff.

Orc Attack: On their way to Cragmaw Castle, the party were ambushed by a group of four orc scouts, who had missed the massacre at Wyvern Tor and tracked the party back to Phandalin. The party wiped the floor with the opposition and I didn’t include this encounter in the write-up as it didn’t really contribute to the overall narrative.

Sildar Hallwinter: Agents of the Lord’s Alliance collect Sildar’s body and return it to Neverwinter, where efforts are made to return the dead man to life.


The Adventures of Fap Longwood #23 (Tyranny of Dragons)

The party arrive in Thundertree three days later. An overgrown road winds between dilapidated buildings, choked with thorny weeds. A partially collapsed stone tower squats atop a forested rise overlooking the abandoned village. It is eerily quiet, even the birds and the beasts of Neverwinter Wood avoid this place. A warning sign has been nailed to a post on the edge of the town, reading;


Fap and Mara exchange apprehensive glances, whilst Horatio chuckles in anticipation of encountering such a terrible adversary.

The party are on the lookout for Ma Drendar’s old herbalist shop, where a valuable emerald necklace lies hidden beneath the floorboards. Instead, they encounter a group of masked cultists hauling a heavy chest through the ruins of Thundertree. The cultists don’t notice the heroes noticing them and the party quietly join the curious procession as it moves toward the fallen tower.

“Oh great and formidable Venomfang!” cries the cult spokesperson, as the others deposit the heavy chest upon the ground, “We offer tribute to your majesty and deliver an offer of allegiance with the Masters of the Dragon Cult.”

A young green dragon emerges from the top of the ruined tower, extending its long, serpentine neck to investigate the contents of the chest. The cultists lift the lid and the party see the gleam of treasure reflected in the dragon’s avaricious gaze.

“Our master, Severin Silrajin is raising an army of dragons to conquer all of these Forgotten Realms. When he heard of the mighty Venomfang, he knew he needed you at his side and dispatched us to broker an alliance.
“Even now, our forces march on the Greenfields and the town of Greenest. Join us in the destruction of their pitiful town and claim your share of the glory!”

“This sounds bad.”
Fap mutters.

“Never slain me a dragon.” Horatio adds, sliding Talon from its scabbard.

“We have to stop this.” Mara agrees.

The heroes edge forward, hoping to catch the cultists and their draconic ally by surprise. Unfortunately, the big lizard senses them creeping around.


“No-one, great Venomfang!”
the cultists protest, “We came alone!”

Since their cover is blown, the party abandon all pretence of stealth and Mara initiates combat with her new third level offensive spell Lightning Bolt. She catches two cultists and the dragon in the beam, killing the humans and injuring Venomfang. The cultists rush to defend their draconic ally, leaving one man to guard the offering. Two cultists gang up on Mara and slash at her robes with barbed scimitars. Venomfang exhales a cloud of poison gas over the two dwarves, happily they both enjoy a racial resilience to poison. Fap drops his Hunters Mark on the dragon and opens fire. Horatio has no means of attacking the dragon from the ground, so he focuses on thinning out the number of masked fanatics running around.

Mara casts Lightning Bolt a second time. Venomfang lands beside her and snaps Mara up in his jaws! Her soft Halfling flesh is ripped and town by the dragon’s fangs and she suffers additional damage from his acidic saliva! Venomfang shakes the little wizard like a ragdoll then casts her limp body aside. Mara is unconscious and dying!

The party concentrate fire on the dragon, it retaliates with another cone of poisonous breath. Two of the dragon cultists are caught in the cloud and collapse, choking on the deadly gas. The dragon scrambles up the exterior wall of the tower, knocking over the chest and spilling gold across the ground. Horatio switches to his crossbow and fires up at the dragon, somehow managing to such a huge, obvious target.

“I really need to practise with this thing!” Horatio grumbles to himself.

Having been reduced to 41hp, Venomfang takes wing and flies away, to fight again another day. Seeing their draconic ally abandon its lair, the surviving dragon cultists beat a hasty retreat. Brian heals Mara, then the party loot the dragon’s hoard and gather up all the scattered coins from the cult offering (770 gold, Scrolls of Lightning Bolt & Misty Step and a +1 dwarven battleaxe called Hew that automatically deals max damage against plant monsters). Nobody really wants the axe, so it will eventually make its way into the parties’ armoury at Hallwinter Hold.

The party realise they have a responsibility to travel to Neverwinter and warn someone about the imminent dragon attacks in the Greenfields. Fap digs up his girlfriend’s necklace, hoping that he will get the chance to return it to her in person some day. Brian casts Sending to communicate with his mentor Daran Edermath in Phandalin.



The Adventures of Fap Longwood #24 (Tyranny of Dragons)

It will take weeks - if not months - to travel from Neverwinter to Greenest (south-east of Baldur’s Gate).The party seek aid from the Lord’s Alliance and are surprised to learn that their old friend Sildar Hallwinter has been raised from the dead to resume his duties. Sildar will vouch for the heroes, but his superiors aren’t willing to exhaust the resources required to teleport the entire group to the Greenfields without the party doing something for them first.

One of the Alliance’s agents, a woman called Dagny, has been captured by goblinoid marauders squatting in the old usurper’s tower on the edge of Neverwinter Wood. Dagny is in possession of confidential intelligence that must not fall into the wrong hands. If the heroes rescue Dagny from her captors, the Lord’s Alliance will provide magical transit to Greenest.


The Adventures of Fap Longwood #25 (Tyranny of Dragons)

The usurper’s tower was once part of a larger fortress, now only a solitary finger of stone remains, occupied by an ogre warlord and his band of bugbear brigands. The tower is 30ft tall and has a single entrance on the ground floor. Two sharp-eyed bugbears armed with longbows keep watch from the roof.

Under the cover of darkness, Fap and Horatio attempt to scale the exterior wall of the tower. The sentries hear something and peer over the edge of the roof, just as the two heroes reach the top. Horatio grabs the bugbear looming above him and pulls him off the roof. The bugbear plummets 30ft but survives the fall, albeit with two broken legs. Brian trundles over to put the crippled goblinoid out of its misery.

Horatio pulls himself up onto the roof and is immediately attacked by a giant vulture! Mara casts Misty Step and appears on the roof of the tower. She follows up with Burning Hands and barbeques the giant vulture into hot wings. Horatio cuts down the second bugbear.

A trapdoor in the roof opens and a third bugbear pops his head up. Horatio lifts the cauldron of boiling oil (that the sentries/DM had forgotten to pour over the party) and upends it over the trapdoor.

Brian scales the tower and joins the others on the roof. Fap abseils down the wall and uses the arrow slits to peek into the next room. Inside, three bugbears and a wild-eyed goblin shaman are waiting to dogpile the first person through the trapdoor. Fap braces his legs against the mossy stonework and shoots into the room, killing the goblin. As the bugbears look around in confusion, the trapdoor opens and Horatio drops into the room.

“I love it when a plan comes together!” Fap congratulates himself.

Horatio and Brian make short work of the remaining brigands. The party continue to descend, eventually reaching the subterranean oubliette, dimly illuminated by a smoky brazier. Shelves of torture paraphernalia line the walls, along with four manacled humans – one of which must be Dagny. Ogre Warlord Gragmir oversees the interrogation of the prisoners.

The heroes drop into the dungeon. Gragmir swings for Horatio and accidentally topples the brazier, plunging the area into darkness. Brian invokes the name of Ilmater and Lightbringer bursts into light, driving the ogre back. Gragmir trips over one of his slain assistants and becomes tangled in a curtain of chains dangling from the ceiling. The more the ogre struggles, the more tightly bound he becomes.

“I surrender!” the warlord shouts.

“I don’t care!” Fap answers, firing a half-dozen arrows in quick succession, transforming the helpless ogre into a pincushion.

Ignoring the dead warlord dangling amongst the rusty chains, the heroes release Dagny and the four surviving members of her company. A poorly hidden sack contains Gragmir’s treasure; a small fortune in loose change, a pouch of precious moonstones, two potions of Greater Healing and a Helm of Comprehend Languages (claimed by Mara).


The Adventures of Fap Longwood #26 (Tyranny of Dragons)

The heroes escort Dagny and her companions back to Neverwinter, where the Lord’s Alliance hold up their end of the bargain and teleport the party to Greenest. Troubled by the possibility of an invasion of the Greenlands by agents of the Dragon Cult, the newly resurrected Sildar Hallwinter will accompany them.

The heroes are teleported to a warzone! Greenest is ablaze! Masked figures plunder burning homes and a huge, winged terror wheels through the smoke above the town! Seven kobolds terrorise a helpless human family. The kobolds are surprised as the heroes materialise out of thin air. Fap and Mara are too disorientated from their first experience of inter-dimensional travel to do much of anything other than feel sick, but the two dwarves leap into action.

The party quickly dispatch the kobolds and save the grateful family, who were heading for the stone keep in the centre of town. The heroes escort them the rest of the way. As the party approach the keep, they see the Dragon Cult attacking the gate. There are eight cultists and seven kobolds (one of which can fly) battling the defenders. The heroes carve a path through the cult forces, killing most of the opposition outright but also managing to grab a couple of prisoners. The gates slam shut behind them and the party grab a moment of respite, before being introduced to Escobert the Red, castellan of the keep. Escobert escorts them up to the battlements to meet Governor Nighthill. The defenders know the Dragon Cult forces sacking Greenest are led by a masked magi in purple robes. Perhaps the parties’ prisoners can reveal more, but before they can be interrogated, a seven foot tall dragonborn warrior approaches the keep.

“Defenders of Greenest!” the dragonborn yells up at the walls, “This has been a successful night and I – Langdedrosa Cyanwrath – am feeling generous!
“Do you see these pitiful prisoners? We have no use for them so I will trade them back to you. Send out your best warrior to fight me and you can have these wretches in exchange.”

“I should go down there.”
Escobert says, though his slumped shoulders betray a lack of enthusiasm for what will certainly be a fight to his death.

“Nah, I got this.” Horatio says, cracking his knuckles.

“But you don’t owe this town anything,” Governor Nighthill gasps, “Why would you risk your life for us?”

“We’re the Heroes of Phandalin,”
Fap answers, “This is what we do.”

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