Top 10 Internation Puns

[der_kluge]

Apologies to Piratecat...


Some Slaad had come up with the idea, a devious plan in fact, to cross-breed the strange ant-like centaurs from Mechanus with halflings from Arborea. They implemented their plan in true Slaad fashion, and with most things Slaad, good plans fall apart, and Slaad go their separate ways. But after some time, the Slaad found that they just could not stop. Indeed, it had become hobbit-formian.

 

[JaccoNamori]

Apologies to Piratecat...


Some Slaad had come up with the idea, a devious plan in fact, to cross-breed the strange ant-like centaurs from Mechanus with halflings from Arborea. They implemented their plan in true Slaad fashion, and with most things Slaad, good plans fall apart, and Slaad go their separate ways. But after some time, the Slaad found that they just could not stop. Indeed, it had become hobbit-formian.

You, sir, are a god among men *bows to the bringer of the best pun Evar!*

 

[Xath]

Wow. I certainly do love terribly wonderful puns...super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. Now that's classy.

 

[cybertalus]

Can't have a pun thread without this classic:

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller, whose name is Patricia Whack. He says, "Mrs. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow. The frog says, "$30,000." The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it is OK, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral. The frog says, "Sure, I have this," and produces a tiny, bright pink, perfectly formed porcelain elephant. Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the manager, anddisappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There is a frog named Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knick knack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

 

[der_kluge]

You, sir, are a god among men *bows to the bringer of the best pun Evar!*

Oh no, I can't take credit for that one. It was Piratecat's. I blame him for it!

 

[Hand of Evil]

There once was a big brown bear from Boise that wanted a beer, so the big brown bear from Boise went to his local bar and said to the bartender ”I am big brown bear from Boise and I want a beer”. The bartender looked at the big brown bear from Boise and says “I am sorry but we do not serve big brown bear from Boise beer in this bar”. At this point the big brown bear from Boise was mad and says to the bartender “I am a big brown bear from Boise and I want a beer now bartender and if I do not get a beer I will eat this barstool bartender, so, are you going to give a big brown bear from Boise a beer now?” The bartender looks to the big brown bear from Boise and says “I am sorry but we do not serve big brown bear from Boise beer in this bar, even if they eat a barstool”. So the big brown bear from Boise grabs the barstool and eats it turning back to the bartender and says “Bartender I am a big brown bear from Boise and I want a beer, I just ate a barstool and if I do not get a beer now I will eat the bitch at the end of the bar”. The bartender looked at the big brown bear from Boise and says “I am sorry but we do not serve big brown bear from Boise beer in this bar, even if you ate a barstool and even if you eat the woman ate the end of the bar.” So, the big brown bear goes to the end of the bar, grabs the woman and eats her, he then returns to the bartender and says “Bartender I am a big brown bear from Boise and I want a beer, I just ate a barstool and I just ate the bitch ate the end of the bar, so, Bartender I am a big brown bear from Boise and I want a beer.” Bartender looks at the big brown bear from Boise and says “I am sorry but we do not serve big brown bear from Boise DRUGS in this bar.” “DRUGS? The big brown from Boise exclaims. “Yes, the Bartender answers, was that not a bar-bitch-you-ate!”

I now bad…

 

[stevelabny]

Guy runs into the doctor's office

"Doc, you gotta help me right now.. I keep havign this horrible dream. First I'm a wigwam, then I'm a teepee. Wigwam. Teepee. Wigwam. Teepee."

The doctor looks at him calmly and says "Relax. You're two tents."

 

[barsoomcore]

My grandfather told me this one:

Your great-uncle Sherman was an explorer. One time, he was travelling in the South Seas when he encountered an island ruled by a throne-happy king. This king would send out raiding parties to the nearby islands to steal THEIR kings' thrones and bring them back for him to gloat over.

Pretty soon, of course, the king had more thrones than he could fit in his grass hut, even if it was the biggest such house on the island. So the king summouns his royal architect, and commands the lady (for such she was) to design for him a house capable of holding more thrones.

The royal architect mulled and pondered, and eventually had the great idea of building a SECOND STORY on the king's grass hut, thus doubling his storage capacity. The king was delighted, and the second floor was built, and the throne-raiding continued.

Well, before long, the king's raids had garnered enough thrones to fill the second floor, so the king prevailed upon the royal architect to design a third floor.

"Your Highness," said the architect, "I only wish to serve, but it's just not possible. Palm fronds and grasses will never supply sufficient structural integrity to support a third floor. It's unsafe."

"Nonsense!" insisted the king, who went ahead and had the third story built anyway.

The royal architect at this point divested herself of all holdings in the tribe's name, and found herself employment at a noodle shop in Macao.

The king decided that to inaugurate his (rather shaky, to tell the truth) third floor, he needed a truly impressive throne, so he led his warriors on a long journey to lands they'd never dreamed of, where they found an immense throne covered in gold and jewels. After struggling with and eventually defeating a massive army or fanatical defenders, the king and his triumphant warriors hoisted the throne into their largest canoe and paddled back joyously.

Upon their return, they carried the immense throne into the king's house, past the first floor and its overflowing storerooms rammed with smaller, less impressive thrones, and up and through the second floor, likewise chock-a-block with inferior throneishness, and up to the empty third floor. The house swayed and shook ominously, but the jubilant king paid no attention as he directed his men to set the massive object down.

He had one second of admiring his newest possession before it plunged through the floor, taking the entire hut down around it, killing the king and all his followers.

When Great-Uncle Sherman heard this story from the former royal architect, he asked her what she thought of the king's actions.

The noodle chef shrugged and said, "People who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones."