Top Ten Things you don't want to hear from your Familiar

[Henry]

1) "Oops, sorry about your scroll collection... but I reeeeally had to go."

 

[Gez]

And now, top ten things you don't want to hear about your familiar.

10° From fellow party member Krusk, in a barren desert: "You happy, we not starve to death, me found and roasted a fat 'nimal for we to eat"

9° From Schrödinger, a mad wizard villain: "Now, I put your kitty in that box, and we will never know if you have lost XPs or no until we open it again"

 

[astralpwka]

8 ) "Your familiar's been crapping on my lawn again!"

 

[Nifft]

8 ) "Your familiar's been crapping on my lawn again!"

8b) "You'd better train your NEXT familiar not to crap on my lawn!"

-- Nifft

 

[D'karr]

7. Your familiar now works for Hasbro... And he fired your mentor.

Sorry Dr. Midnight... Just couldn't resist.

 

[MarauderX]

2c: "I'm off to pick a fight."

6d: "Don't touch me there! Rape! Rape!"

1e: "Do you know what you say when you talk in your sleep? I do, and she ain't that pretty."

 

[Voadam]

First set: "I can take that thing!"

second set: You did know your familiar detects as evil, right?

 

[Dark Eternal]

9° From Schrödinger, a mad wizard villain: "Now, I put your kitty in that box, and we will never know if you have lost XPs or no until we open it again" [/B]

LMAO!

How about:

"Well, the 'good news' is that your experimental Reduce Familiar spell should be reversable... on the 'bad news' side of things, do you know how hard it is to find a microscopic owl?"

Or:

"Look at it this way: petrified, stone-to-mud, mud-to-stoned familiars make great conversation pieces... by the way, is this supposed to be his eye or his adrenal gland?"

 

[Angcuru]

*As you are finishing the casting of a LVL 20 shocking grasp spell, using your familiar to apply the spell, you feel a tug at your robes.* "I gotta go potty!" BZZZZZZT!!!!!



*After you have been stabbed to 1 HP and the battle is won, yet your companions are all ignoring your plight, you toad familiar walks up to you, carrying a dagger* "Let's talk business. I don't stab myself, you do what I say. I CAN'T TAKE ANOTHER NIGHT OF Doritos and Mountain Dew!"

 

[WayneLigon]

10. Either a torch-weilding mob is headed for the tower, or it's a lava flow. Kinda hard to tell from up here.
09. Hey, look. Two pages of the demon summoning ritual stuck together.
08. Gandalf pays more.
07. /Toads/ give the CON bonus. Frogs like me give you +2 to Jump. And you can lay your eggs in water.
06. Hairball time!
05. Actually, you're MY familiar.
04. Dude, you're getting a Grell.
03. Damn, your feet are cold.
02. Double the Tender Vittles ration and I don't tell the fighter about how you dream about his buff, gleaming torso.

And the #1 thing you don't want to hear from your Familiar

01. Hey, he has me polish his staff all the time!