TOUCHY SUBJECT RANT: What if you don't like the people you game with?

[Kichwas]

I have to honestly say that I hope I never have a player like 'dreaded_beast' who hangs out at my game for years on end without ever telling me what he/she thinks of me.

If you don't like someone, how on earth could you invest so much time in them?

I feel for your DM and the group...

 

[dreaded_beast]

I have to honestly say that I hope I never have a player like 'dreaded_beast' who hangs out at my game for years on end without ever telling me what he/she thinks of me.

If you don't like someone, how on earth could you invest so much time in them?

I feel for your DM and the group...

Why do you feel my old DM and group?

I doubt if I made them feel uncomfortable or forced them too swallow their pride. More often than not, I believe they were more than willing to share their thoughts with me, especially the DM, regardless for my own feelings in the matter. Just because I didn't share my thoughts with them, doesn't mean that they didn't share their thoughts with me.

So that being the case, you would feel more for the DM who yelled at a player and corrected almost all their mistakes than the player who got yelled at and didn't tell the DM they didn't like it because that would probably cause they DM to yell even more?

You must have a wonderful group where people are free to speak their minds.

That being said, in all honestly, I wouldn't want to play in a group with someone like "arcady", who probably sees nothing wrong making other players feel uncomfortable without regard for their feelings.

But that's just me. Speaking my mind.

 

[Angcuru]

Well, I like gaming, and I like the guys I game with (more like tolerate, except for the artsy one who's a real good guy), but I don't really like gaming with them. Sure, we have the occasional bit of role-play, once we get past the long series of un-linked combats which we only get to when the DM decides to stop ranting about things that NO-ONE cares about and insulting everyone (as he is prone to do), so in the end, for an average game night, 15-20% of the time is spent actually gaming. Out of that small percentile, (still going by the larger percentage), 10-13% is spent hacking through monsters and deciding who gets what piece of treasure, and the remaining 5-7% is the character-character interaction, less than half of which could be termed 'role-playing', and mediocre at that. And when one takes into account that the average game night is 4 1/2 hours long at best for me, as we get together around 6 p.m. and I have to be heading home by 10:30 p.m., that's not a whole lot of gaming.

I much prefer PBP. If anyone has a game open or soon to open, I'm available.

 

[Aaron L]

I'd NEVER play with people who weren't my friends. Ever. Wouldn't be fun gaming with someone I didn't like.

 

[Vocenoctum]

Most folks on these boards (or at least in previous threads) seem to play with people that they don't necessarily see outside of gaming. That is a really alien concept to me.

Back in the day, I also only gamed with friends. We spent most of the time togethor anyway, and had had time set aside for gaming. As people grew up and apart, that gaming Inner Circle split. Most of the folks I know now are through work, and not D&D types.

So I play online. We have a regular group now, adding people when we find people that aren't moron's or insane. (it gets harder every day...)
Of the regular group, two were from an old message board and attendant chat, one was from someone from that message board (friend of a friend type thing) and a couple more were cold recruits.

You can't imagine the thrill of cold recruiting. You don't know what you'll get, and the players don't know what to expect from you as a DM. They can judge you easier than you can them, since they can read old log's or watch a session or three, but until they play, all you can judge them by is their ability to write an email...

 

[takyris]

Man, you guys are lucky, or else you have easy standards for friendship.

I've got a couple guys in my gaming group that I do things outside of gaming with on a regular basis. I've got a couple more guys that I like but pretty much just game with -- we just have pretty different lifestyles. They don't wanna come over and watch football, and I don't want to go eat sushi. And there's one guy in the group that I don't dislike so much as I don't understand him -- his motivations, what he likes. He rubs me the wrong way, but he's also the friend of three of the other people. Because he lives where the game is, there's no real way to get hiim out of the group, and because he's friends with the others, there's no real way to get him out of the group... Even though the others have said, "yes, he's like that, that's kind of an issue he has," it's just something I put up with. As I'm sure he puts up with me.

If it's somebody I loathed, that's another thing. Unhealthy is unhealthy. I just left a writing group because of a situation that was actually unhealthy. But only gaming with my lifelong bestest friends would have me, well, not gaming much. Or gaming and asking people to choose between me and their other friends, which is not always a cool thing to do.

 

[orchid blossom]

So I play online. We have a regular group now, adding people when we find people that aren't moron's or insane. (it gets harder every day...)

I think when you move your gaming online it becomes a different situation. You're not sitting at a table with a person who is bothering you for hours at a time. There are all sorts of body language, facial expressions, and tones of voice that get removed when you shift to online playing.

It's a plus in that all you really see is the gamer. The basically impersonal nature of the internet makes it easier to let go of someone unsuitable with no hard feelings. (There are always exceptions of course, but I think it's true more often than not.)

 

[Kichwas]

Why do you feel my old DM and group?

You must have a wonderful group where people are free to speak their minds.

That being said, in all honestly, I wouldn't want to play in a group with someone like "arcady", who probably sees nothing wrong making other players feel uncomfortable without regard for their feelings.

I feel for them because you decieved them, and in the end this cheated them and you of a better more honest experience.

Honesty is the only way to go through life - and frankly tact will make that honesty work (despite how harsh I often come across online, in person I'm soft spoken and tactful). Parting with people you dislike in a polite way will not hurt them. Expressing your feelings towards them, so that people can work to address issues and build friendship rather than dislike will help everyone.

Honestly, I find it abhorant what you have done - lie to people for years on end and subject both yourself and them to a false friendship.

I can't believe someone would choose to associate with people they did not like for a long term commitment. It's just outside of what I consider concievable.

If you had been honest with this DM, or parted with him/her and the group rather than sit there in dishonest resentment I might perhaps feel for you rather than him/her.

Honesty is again, the only way to live.

 

[diaglo]

i guess i can relay some of my experiences:

you can't always get what you want...

but if you try some times

you just might find

you get what you need.


i'll try anything once, twice or more if i like it.

i've met many, many gamers in the Atlanta area, i wouldn't normally socialize with on the outside. but that doesn't mean you shouldn't give them the benefit of the doubt. they are doing you the same courtesy.

if you find you have different styles or different means of enjoyment. then that's fine. don't beat yourself or them up. just find another group/game.

life is too short to play crappy RPGs.

 

[Bass Puppet]

I guess I'm lucky like a lot of you and that I've been gaming with my friends. Sure, I've gamed with others than my friends, and it was good, but it just seems a lot more tighter when a good group of friends play. I've just started a new game with some of my relatives I used to game with back in the 80's. We kinda went our seperate ways (life happens) and now we just started gaming again after I told them about the new(er) editions.

My brother on the other hand, plays with us when it's "convinient" with his mood. Sometimes he shows up and goes on the computer and studies, other times he's balls out about playing. How do we deal with him? Easily, we don't make a big deal about it. It's Just a Game.