TOUCHY SUBJECT RANT: What if you don't like the people you game with?

[Ogre Mage]

I don't like people

Just kidding.

I did have a situation where I hated the people I gamed with. Not just disliked, but actually hated. To begin with, they had a habit of pushing their personal politics and mentioned on several occasions how awful Bill Clinton was and that our country was going down the toilet. They purposefully played PCs with huge character flaws and which meant we spent a lot of time fighting amongst ourselves. When we weren't, they were arguing with the DM because they didn't like his rulings. They did stupid and pointless sh!* like harassing townspeople for no reason. Their characters were all basically chaotic stupid, as were they. One took a disliking to me personally for some reason. He refused to chat with me OOC and in character he was always rude and refused to help my PC in any way.

One night I just couldn't take it anymore. I walked out of the session and didn't come back. The next day, the DM sent an e-mail that he was discontinuing the campaign.

 

[DrZombie]

I have been in two groups basically. When I was a lot younger I used to game evry friday-evening with a few guys. Didn't knew 'em before i started playing. I guess they were allright in a general kinda way, but, you know, a bit socially awkward. I guess that i'm a sociable kinda guy, it takes a lot to annoy me. The gaming was strickt hardcore rpg, we didn't really socialise even during the game. One night a new player arrived, and it sorta clicked, i mean we were both thinking "thank god, at least someone normal around here". After the game we went for a drink, and another... At about 4 am we were both drunk as skunks, trying to figure out how the hell we were gonna get home.
He's one of my best mates now.

A few years later I moved to a different town, university city. I've met a bunch of new gamers, both cool and uncool people. A gaming group formed, we used to play at least four times a week (deep sigh). I introduced the guy from the first group to my new group. Real life caught up with us, wwe all got married, whenever we get together it's a bloomin' kintergarden. We still play though.

To compare the two groups : the first group was realy strict rpg, and we had a decent time. We had some tensions, but we knew what to avoid.
The second group is much more fun. True, we don't actually focus as much on rpg's as we used to do, but basically it's the guys getting away from wives and kids, having a few beers and a great night. Maybe I'm turning into an old fart.

Is there any point to this rambling? I dunno. The thing is that basically all my mates are people I've met through roleplaying. There are a lot of creeps, singleminded munchkins and abusive people out there with the social grace of a lobotomised chimpansee, but somewhere out there are people that like having a good time, people you can talk with, and people who will be your best friends.

Life is too short to fart around with people you don't like on your free evening, you'll get plenty of that at work. Have fun, meet some friends and dump the rest.

 

[Desdichado]

But what I think it does do is make us all more tolerant of each other's gaming styles and able to take some pleasure in each other's fun, even when we are not in the spotlight ourselves. For example:

You don't have to be long-time friends to have that kind of relationship. After all, many of use don't have the luxury of living in the same area that we grew up in and hanging out with the same friends we had in grade school. I'm not sure that's necessarily a luxury, but considering that I grew up in Texas and now live in Detroit, it certainly would be a luxury to me now. Anyway, the point is, if you actually care about the people you game with, you'll be thoughtful of them and their gaming style.

All things considered, I'd just as soon my gaming buddies not read that last part of the post.

Is your wife in your gaming group by any chance?

 

[BlackMoria]

I've had a open table policy for over 25 years. In that time, I've had all sort of people that I don't know outside the game at my table. And by and large, in 25+ years, I've only had a couple of individuals I asked to leave.

When a strange face show up at my table, the first thing that happens is I explain about how my DMing philosphy and how I run my campaign world. In this discussion, I outline my 'do and don't' list.

My 'do and don't' is a list of do's and don't covers the whole spectrum of potential problems. I have do's and don'ts concerning rules disputes, situation disputes, player vs player disputes, player vs DM disputes, game table ettiquette, and anything that may pose an issue during a play session.

At the end of my spiel, I tell the individual that if my 'rules' are acceptable to him/her, they are welcome to the table.

Then the individual is to talk about his past RPG experience, his last playgroup, and what his/her expectations are. I make a point to find out where he/she is 'coming from'.

At the end of each play session, I get feedback from all the players about how the session went. In particular, I focus on new players and try to find out if they had a postive experience and what they liked or didn't like about the session. I also ask them for input about what they would like to see in the future.

This usually floors them because almost all new players to our group come from other groups in which they were never asked their opinion, the DM has never said how he runs his game and what the DM's expectations of the players were, and the players were never encouraged to articulate what their expectations were.

I like to think that my success in running an 'open table' is that everyone know before they sit down at the table as a player just what is expected of them and of me.

Expectations/Assumptions don't necessarily equal reality (as in what is really happening). My experience is most interpersonal disputes at my table are the product of unvoiced expectations or assumptions of what the individual in questions assumes as reality. Frank discussion about this usually changes the perception of individuals so that the situation can be resolved successfully and without ill will.

In short - I can game with strangers and what I outlined above can make it a positive experience. The secret is both sides have to work to make it happen.

 

[Gundark]

I have gamed with people I met as a result of the gaming interest, but with one caveat -- I have never gamed with someone I didn't meet in a non-gaming environment first. If I couldn't stand that person outside of the game, I simply didn't meet with them again or invite them to join us. I always meet prospective players in non-gaming situations first, to get my gut reaction to them; this might sound like an interviewing process... and it is. If I don't think I could get to know this person outside of the game and hang out with them doing things other than gaming... then they don't get in, and I tell them that I'm not interested in them being in our game. It's all handled in an adult manner, with honesty and straightforwardness.... I wouldn't want someone I didn't like having my address or the address of one of my friends.

I do this too. for the above reasons. I too have knocked people out because they just didn't fit in. I also have a talk with prospective players about what our group appreciates in a game and whether they would like to play in that type of environment.

edit: I do what Blackmoria does also

 

[Mystery Man]

The current group of guys I game with now (with the exeption of one) I've known for years and years until I finally dragged them kicking and screaming into DnD about a year and a half ago and they haven't looked back. We all have an awesome time and I couldn't be happier with a group of people to game with. The "exeption of one" is a friend of one of the guys I've known for years and is an awesome player (who like me used to play waaay back) and a nice person so it all turned out great. Now, not all game days are the best things ever and we've have our arguments and I don't think anyone in the group has ever had a problem telling anyone else exactly how they feel about the other. But we're all adults and like clockwork, every other weekend somebody brings the cokes and we split the pizza bill 6 ways and then get down to some serious DnD playin'.
So I would agree that honesty is really the only way to play, on both sides of the DM screen.

 

[Henry]

for those of you who say you only game with "friends"
i'll also assume you only do other fun stuff with friends...
how exactly do you make NEW friends?

After 3.0 came out, I wanted to find a game, searched the 'net, wound up here, found a local game...and made new friends.
If the people would have been irritating, I wouldn't have kept playing, but you can never know whos gonna be your new friend until you actually MEET them.

I think the point to make here is that you don't need to game with people you dislike. You don't need to be sure that someone is so close they could be best man or bridesmaid at your wedding, (I used to game with my Best Man and all my ushers for that matter), but you DO need to like 'em if you want to enjoy yourself.

All of my game group I would not hesitate to take to a movie, or go shopping with, or just shoot the breeze with. And I also have no problems gaming with someone knew. But that new gamer is GOING to become a friend or at least an acquaintence, or they're not going to last long. Life's too short to not get to know the people you share fun with.

If you game with me, you will become my friend, or else.