Trying to be funny with insults

[The Thayan Menace]

Roleplaying & Narcissism: Par for the Course

I am not very comfortable with myself and tend to believe what others tell me- I know its naive (I have been attempting to change, but it is very hard to do), and as I am now an adult I should not listen to childish things, or believe those that say such things, but it is hard to change and not believe those that I think should or do care about me.

You need to find your power as a woman, without crushing a weaker man.

Your friend sounds like a narcissist ... and quite possibly a misogynist as well.

Contrary to many impressions of the label, a narcissist is often a very sensitive and caring person. Their ideal goal in life is to make everyone happy.

Unfortunately, when narcissists attempt to "mirror" or imitate us ... we often do not like what we see OR they attempt to distort our image in an effort to cause us pain.

Ultimately, a narcissist is a very envious person. They are jealous of people who can supposedly "feel" love.

If we too have narcissistic qualities it creates a two-way loop of cognitive dissonance. You will not understand the narcissist, and they will not understand you.

And, yes, we all have SOME narcissistic qualities.

To communicate with a narcissist you'll need to be kind, but firm. Do not lash out emotionally. They are trying to get a rise out of you. Do not ignore them either, they will see that as weakness.

Confront them with their own inadeqacies and allow them to understand.

Your friendship will be the better for it, if you do.

At heart, a narcissist is not in love with themselves. They are in love with their own reflection. When a narcissist looks at their reflection they often think, "You're my only friend ... aren't you?"

You have to show them that's not true, without being a pushover and without showing anger.

Find your assertiveness and heal your friend. When you heal him, you will be empowered.

 

[Talon5]

that reminds me of something i said to a fellow player once

"you have 14 int, your not stupid. well, i mean your character"

Heard that one before

 

[Stockdale]

I don't know why I read posts like this. Maybe like a moth, I'm just drawn to them. Entertainment value, I suppose.

Blacksilver,
At the risk of sounding like someone's Dad (well I am three someones' Dad), stand up for yourself! If you don't like the way someone is treating you, don't let it happen. Becuase your "shy" isn't an excuse to let someone pick on you. You said your an adult, behave like it. You have the ability to change this situtation whether that be talking with the gentleman in question or quiting the group.

This is the same advise I give my kids, the oldest of whom is eleven, when they have a similar type problem.

THE Thayan Menace,

Your friend sounds like a narcissist ... and quite possibly a misogynist as well.

What kind of psychobabble is that. Based on the miniscule amount of information we know about this guy - the person in question is male and picks on/teases/insults Blacksilver - I don't see how you can reach any of those conlusions.

edited for spelling.

 

[maddman75]

Hi-

I am having a problem at my table , and I would like to hear some ideas on how to handle the problem.

One of the Players I game with and GM for likes to use insults and degrading comments in a joking manner. I have asked him not to include me in this manner of conversation, but that has not stopped him from making jokes and such.

Oh, no. I know folks like that, and that just makes them want to do it more. Not out of malice, but out of opportunity.

I realize that I should just stop gaming with him, but he is one of the better players at the table and as a person I like him- when he is not making such comments.

I am not very confrontational and a very shy in manners regarding social interaction (I lack experience I suppose), so please consider those two facts when you make your suggestions.

Thank you for your help.

Standing up for yourself is the best approach - and I don't mean storming off, refusing to play, or any other high dramatics. Just give as good as you get - remember, he's going under the license 'I'm just kidding' which means that you have license to say anything you want! You could call him....well...things that Eric' Grandma would kick me in the junk for.

Nothing wrong with saving a few up either. The '14 int' one is good. Another is "Are you making fun of me/my character/my NPC? I couldn't tell because, you know, it wasn't funny." And so on.

Likely this guy is an extrovert, right? Extroverts really don't know how to deal with introverts. If someone is being quiet or not projecting themselves, they may assume that you are upset with them or uncomfortable. I would bet that his picking on you is his attempt to get you to 'come out of your shell'. So maybe you should!

 

[derelictjay]

My take on your situation, you both don't know where the others coming from. To use an analogy, your two trains on the same track heading in opposite directions. Hopefully your not heading to the same point, because a massive train wreck is going to happen, and I would guess your going to be the one to explode. Both of you have gotta come to an understanding, you have to understand that he's gonna crack stupid insulting jokes, and he's gotta be sensitive to your feelings. When you confront him, and your probably gonna have to, tell him that you are often offended by his comments, and tell him your going to cue him in when you feel his remarks were offensive, but don't try to stop him, just make your feelings known. You don't have to be forceful or even appear strong, your just going up to him and telling him this should leave an impression. As to your being shy and nonconfrontational, just be strong and believe in yourself (words I should live by in my cynically, can't get a decent job after college, life).

 

[Stockdale]

Extroverts really don't know how to deal with introverts.

Truer words were never spoken. (It is, however, interesting that extroverts and introverts attract. Ask my wife )

But back to point, as an extrovert, the guy might not even realize he's made you uncomfortable, and when you tell him, he might not understand it.

 

[The Thayan Menace]

Psychobabble = Veiled Insult

What kind of psychobabble is that. Based on the miniscule amount of information we know about this guy - the person in question is male and picks on/teases/insults Blacksilver - I don't see how you can reach any of those conlusions.

Psychobabble?

Good sir, the use of jargon is often an attempt to obscure the issue.

Let me be very plain with you.

Our group recently solved a similar problem, involving me.

A good woman had the guts and the kindness to deal with me.

Now, I fully realize that this case might be completely different, but I am willing to offer up my experience as a possible solution.

In other words, I am willing to be imaginative ... something I truly hope that you as a role player can appreciate.

 

[Flexor the Mighty!]

Truer words were never spoken. (It is, however, interesting that extroverts and introverts attract. Ask my wife )

But back to point, as an extrovert, the guy might not even realize he's made you uncomfortable, and when you tell him, he might not understand it.

My and my buddies insult each other so much around the gaming table, dinner table, no table, anywhere we may be, that it's second nature. Now it different if someone I'm not close to questions my sexuality, IQ, lineage, and fashion sense I'd be swinging, but from my friends I expect it.

 

[The Thayan Menace]

Friendly Insults Work Best Amongst Friends

My and my buddies insult each other so much around the gaming table, dinner table, no table, anywhere we may be, that it's second nature. Now it different if someone I'm not close to questions my sexuality, IQ, lineage, and fashion sense I'd be swinging, but from my friends I expect it.

Although anyone can adjust to friendly insults, someone has to be your friend to truly appreciate them. If another person perceives you as an enemy, then even a smile can be threatening (ask any anthropologist).

 

[Impeesa]

To some of my friends, exchanging verbal abuse is the social equivalent of friendly sparring. An abusive but witty tirade is the highest form of compliment. One of my friends, some time after moving far far away, lamented the inability of his new acquantances to properly dish it out.

Then some other friends just have no interest in the nuances of linguistics. Your friend obviously has not picked up on that, and the best suggestion is likely just to not play along. Jabbing back is risky: the fine art of the exchange has certain guidelines. Most importantly, hitting too close to home crosses over from funny to painful sometimes (I can't tell from the original post whether this is the case here). For example, the guy I mentioned above is rather large, but I'd never call him a fatty. No, he gets things like "anus-pharaoh." One of my brothers, on the other hand, is something of a jock - I'll typically greet him with something like "Tubby McLardass."

--Impeesa--