[Updated!]I think my life has decided to fall apart

[Pielorinho]

7. This should bother me more than it does. Young or not, this is the perfect thing to happen to her. She needs something stable in her life, and currently, I can't be that. Neither can the person she's 'with'. A child can, and will do that. It'll be very hard on her, but she'll have to deal with it.

A child is not a self-help mechanism. That kid is likely to have an extremely rough time of it: its conception was an act of betrayal by a young woman who doesn't have her head screwed on straight, and who has all sorts of conflicting emotions surrounding the kid.

I suspect that the kid's gonna be far from the perfect thing to happen to her. I really doubt that she's gonna be the best thing to happen to the kid.

If ever there were a candidate for adoption, this kid has got to be it.

Daniel

 

[Ankh-Morpork Guard]

Grrr...just lost this post...I'll try again.

The last thing I mentioned wasn't exactly stated right. Yes, the child is going to change her. She needs that. The father won't stay around...either she'll get rid of him(from the way she's talked with me, she never really thinks about him when she talks of the child), or he'll disappear on his own. He may care about her, but he's horrible when it comes to stress and such, and this situation has thrown him into things he never knew were coming...or rather, he didn't EXPECT were. He knew.

But the thing is, she's in a lot deeper that she seems to think. I've tried warning her, but she won't listen. Its going to be a hell of a wake up call for her when she has this child, and she needs that. I know that she won't let this child get messed up. She can be very protective of things like that, and this child is something that she's come to want now. However, that doesn't mean its going to be easy on her. I hope its hard. Spiteful, yes, but not very. If she asks me for help, I'll provide it. The thing is, if she ASKS that means she really needs it. She's not the kind to every ask for help, mainly because of an old knee injury and hating feeling helpless because of it.

Of course, this doesn't mean I'll not think about it if she DOES ask. Who knows where I'll be at that point...maybe I'll meet someone new. I hope I do...even if just a good friend. I need some form of emotional support. She was always that, and now I've got nothing...its bottling all this up that's getting to me and making it worse.

 

[Treebore]

Like i mentioned earlier, I had a two year hiatus after "the love of my life". the most important thing I learned at that time was to rely on myself. Of course my version of it at that time was to be a big jerk off who didn't care who he insulted or hurt. Then I met the real love of my life and realized how messed up my false love of my life was and how messed up I was as a human being. I'm about as good as it gets now, considering thats about a 1,000 times better than I ever thought it could be, I'm one darn lucky guy.

I have read every post you have made, most of them several times. I know what you should do, but I don't think your going to do it. I do wish you the best, though.

Let me tell you one "truth" about the real love of my life. She doesn't cause me pain. She bends over backwards to avoid it. I do the same for her. We don't hurt each other, we protect and support one another. We have from the beginning and have just gotten better at it over the years. That is my "love of my life". The real one that has lasted for 14 years and that I know will last until the day one or both of us dies, and then beyond.

Again, I wish you the best.

 

[Snoweel]

Honestly?

Get out of that house.

Tell her you didn't move to the UK to be her buddy; that you're leaving a contact number with her mother, and if she decides she's screwed up and you were what she wanted after all, to give you a call and you'll see how you're feeling about her.

Tell her not to call you just to see how you're doing, or to 'hang out', or whatever. And tell her mother not to give her the number unless she's determined to give the-two-of-you another shot.

Yes, it could mean the end of the friendship as well as the relationship... but if the relationship is actually over permanently, then given the way you feel, trying to maintain that friendship dooms you to years of pain, and prevents you healing at all.

And the hollow AMG-shaped void your absence leaves in her life might be enough to make her sort out what's important to her.

I know that 'see less of her' is the last thing you feel like doing... but it's also the best thing for you, in my opinion and in my experience. You say you need to 'not think so much'? Trust me - you won't manage it in that house.

-Hyp.

Abso-smurfly perfect advice, Hyp.

Typical Kiwi pragmatic level-headedness. They must stick something in the water over there.

 

[Ankh-Morpork Guard]

I have read every post you have made, most of them several times. I know what you should do, but I don't think your going to do it. I do wish you the best, though.
<snip>
Again, I wish you the best.

At least you're honest with me. Though I may not agree with what you've said, I've read pretty much every post in this thread multiple times, and have thought on each of them. I'm STILL thinking on them. Its hard to make the right 'choice' because there are a large number of things I didn't mention in this thread. Like I said, they aren't things to be discussed with others(especially on ENWorld), but they're important enough that I can't just disappear. Sure, I can back off and live my own life(which I plan on doing my absolute best to do), but I have to stay close enough to her and a couple others that I'm within contact when its needed.

 

[Bagpuss]

Which part of Wales are you in North or South? And are you going to GenCon UK (in Minehead) this year?

 

[Ankh-Morpork Guard]

Which part of Wales are you in North or South? And are you going to GenCon UK (in Minehead) this year?

Up in North Wales...VERY North Wales. And no, I'm not going to GenCon UK, but I am going to the Game Con Thingy in London next week...for some reason, the name eludes me.

 

[Bagpuss]

Flint? (I think that's about as North as North Wales gets.) Should be lots of castles in your area. I live on the Wirral myself.

 

[Ankh-Morpork Guard]

Flint? (I think that's about as North as North Wales gets.) Should be lots of castles in your area. I live on the Wirral myself.

Holyhead, actually. I guess its more Northwest than North...but that isn't the point.

 

[Bagpuss]

If you don't want to go too far get in Uni at Bangor or Liverpool JMU (they take anyone I should know they took me). Move into digs or halls, you ain't more than an hours travel away and it gives you the space you need. Plus you should be able to find a RPG group to take your mind off her.