[Way OT & possibly NC-17 rated] Can men and women "just be friends"?

[Angcuru]

y'know, this may be somewhat off-topic, but when exactly did the word 'gay' become an insult among the general public? I'm not sure how common it is among adults, but it's EXTREMELY common among my age group(which is mostly populated by fools and jocks with delusions of grandure, by the way). I find it rather annoying. The word as defined in the dictionary is a synonym for happy, joyous, etc. Actually, when did 'gay' become synonymous with homosexuality, in the first place?

 

[Angcuru]

And the strange part is, I have a girlfriend that I love quite deeply, so it's not like I'm completely disfunctional. She actualy feels exactly the same way, which is the strange part... does mean we are well suited for each other, though. I mean, we hold hands, kiss, cuddle, things like that, but sex? Eh. By mutual consent we've decided to just take things as they come, and they haven't, so...

I'm with you there. While not being the type who is indifferent about sex, I'm all for not rushing things in a relationship. I believe that the longer you hold off, the more anticipation there is (in most cases), making a couple's first time that much better. Reading the Kama Sutra doesn't hurt, either.

 

[Tsyr]

y'know, this may be somewhat off-topic, but when exactly did the word 'gay' become an insult among the general public? I'm not sure how common it is among adults, but it's EXTREMELY common among my age group(which is mostly populated by fools and jocks with delusions of grandure, by the way). I find it rather annoying. The word as defined in the dictionary is a synonym for happy, joyous, etc. Actually, when did 'gay' become synonymous with homosexuality, in the first place?

Regarding the former I don't know, but it's not really something we should discuss here... This thread has been pretty civil, and I suspect that's probably not a good thing to bring up if we want to keep it that way...

As for the latter, I actualy remember reading something about that... But I don't remember where. I'll see if it's in one of my physc books, or maybe one of my english language books or something...

 

[tonym]

I'm sort of with Uzumaki...

...I do tend to be a bit old-fashioned in some ways... IE, hold doors for women and stuff...

When I read "old-fashioned in some ways...IE,..." I mistakenly read "IE" as "1E."

This made me think, "Yeh, 1st edition really IS old-fashioned." (Haha, I laugh at myself.)


Interesting thread, by the way.
I agree with Erik Noah 70% and am baffled by the question 30%.


Tony M

 

[Uzumaki]

I'm sort of with Uzumaki...

*embraces Tsyr in the most platonic and heterosexual way possible*

 

[BOZ]

wow, i guess this thread went on for a lot longer than i gave it credit for initially.

kudos to PC for keeping a non-political thread open.

well, i will go on the record as saying i've had only a small few non-sexual female friends. one nice long-standing friendship... but then she did always want to sleep with me. of course, she sleeps with all of her friends if the opportunity comes up... so i didn't take it as a weird come-on or anything, just a show of genuine affection.

other than her though, i guess i haven't really had too many female friends that i hadn't slept with previously or didn't want to, or wouldn't if the situation was right (hell, i'll admit it, i would've gone with her too if there was a "right" time for it). guess i'm just a man.

BUT the difference comes in where you don't *have* to go the extra mile just because you find someone attractive! sometimes, it's just better to keep your head in the right place and accept things as they are/should be.

 

[BOZ]

oh, i'll add one more thing, about massage. i don't give my female friends massages. that's just asking for trouble. if you've seen pulp fiction, i don't want to end up the samoan guy who gave marcellus' wife a foot massage.

heh, seriously... and yes, we do relate to our female friends differently than our male friends. nothing we can do about that, i figure, that's just the way we're wired - even if the relationship is purely platonic.

 

[Dark Eternal]

This has become quite an interesting topic - very thought provoking, and very revelatory.


Now, if only the discussions about game rules could be kept as calm and considerate as the discussions about sexual/emotional philosophy....

 

[Celtavian]

Re

It depends. If you are attracted to the girl, then no, it is nearly impossible to be "just friends". I can be "just friends" easily with women I don't find attractive.

It all depends on how much of an attraction exists between the two people. That is my opinion.

 

[Tarrasque Wrangler]

You know what occurs to me ... if you get into a physical relationship with someone, there's only two ways it can go. Either you break up at some point (and thus very likely you also end the friendship if it was indeed there to begin with) ... or you don't break up (and you get married, or stay together as a couple). Either way, it doesn't lead to a "friendship" in the way that you might think of platonic friendship.

I'm not so sure about this. My girlfriend (Note: we were friends first, for something like 10 years) dated a mutual friend of ours for about a year before she and I hooked up. It did not end splendidly for them. But they made a clean break with no animosity, and continue to be friends now. Geographical distance means that he and the two of us are not as good friends as we all used to be, but there is absolutely no weirdness when we do hang out. You would honestly never guess that they used to date.

Now to the original topic. I can only go off of personal experience here, so I don't like to make hard-and-fast rules on this, but I'd say being attracted to someone, being friends with someone, and wanting to date someone are three separate entities, sometimes coalescing in one person, sometimes not. I've got lots of girl friends, many of whom I am sexually attracted to. Why not? They're cute, I'm a guy, it's been known to happen. If I weren't in a committed relationship, and they seemed like giving it a go, I can't say that I'd say no. I don't think you can honestly fall in love with someone without a strong platonic relationship beforehand. I didn't fall in love with my girlfriend because she's hot (which she is ), or because she was a convenient warm body, but because of all the reasons why I was friends with her for so long, and started to realize that what I was looking for in a mate had been right in front of me all along.

Hmm, did that seem all-over-the-map? Maybe I don't really know where I'm going with this. The only thing you should take away from reading this post, if nothing else, is that Tarrasque Wrangler's girlfriend is hot.