[Way OT] Scientists Find World's Funniest Joke

Sad to say, Barendd, a lot of problems are still with us.

Generally, many Americans (who like myself, identify themselves as Americans in nationality) will mention the ethnicity of their ancestors if asked. Maybe this is because the majority of the people in the U.S. are the descendants of immigrants and people try to hold on to some part of their family's past. Certainly, many different families have their own cultural traditions or tastes while still participating in the broader American culture. (Of course, someone will try to make money off of this, hence bars that purport to be Irish in America.)

I have friends whose families have been in what is now the U.S. for generations who still have people look at them askance. :(

(By contrast, my grandparents immigrated to the U.S.
in the early 20th Century. My father was the only one in his immediate family who was not born in Scotland.)

Getting back to jokes, here is another one that my father told me. (He said it happened, but I take it with a grain of salt):

A man was tending bar late at night when a drunken man walks in the front door and says "I want a drink."

The bartender says "Go home. You're drunk."

A few minutes later, a side door opens and the same man walks in the bar. The bartender says, "I told you to go home. You're drunk."

A little later, another side door opens and the drunken man walks in. "I want to know one thing," he says to the bartender.

"What?"

"Is there any place in this neighborhood where you are not tending bar?"
 

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Because if we say we're American, some people think that's not a "real" nationality and want to know what we "really" are.
--Barendd Nobeard
The plight is worse for us Canuks. We currently define ourselves by who we are *not*. (Not Americans, not British...) :p
 

Hey now,

I pride myself in the knowledge that my family has strong Scandinavian, and Germanic roots. Most of my family came from Denmark or Prussia in the early 1800's and went almost immidiately to Minnesota ( With the exception of my Grandmother Borger whose family went to the lone star state.)

I also pride myself in my Blackfoot Indian Heritage being 1/4 Blackfoot is something I pride myself in. And also that little tidbit of Irish in me yells out for the respect it deserves.

So am I American, no I am Californian, and a Citizen of the US of A, My grandparents both have a Clipped germanic accent, and even I slip up and say things weird now and again.

-------------------------
Nathaniel Voght Jensen

My joke for you all


An englishmen, an Scotsmen, and an Irishmen are all sitting at the local pub.

A fly lands in the englishmens beer which he quickly pushes away asking for a new glass.

A fly lands in the Scotsmens beer and he scoops it out and downs the brew.

Another fly lands in the Irishmens beer, and in an angry voice he scoops it up by its foot and begins violently shaking it saying

" Give it back " Give it back you thieving fly"
 

LOL, that's a great one Sidran!

Incidently, I'm a first-generation American (and Californian... we often identify ourselves by state too, since they are as large as many European countries). My father came from Hungary in 1956. My mother was born in NY, but her parents came from Hungary too, meaning I have full-blooded Hungarian ancestry. I'm quite proud of my heritage, though I'm 100% American, not a hyphenated American...
 

Crazy, wordplay-loving New Zealander here, to report that my ethnicity is 'Pakeha'. It's a Maori word for us white types (Maori being the indigenes of New Zealand if you are unaware). I'm fairly much Celtic in ancestry - South Ireland, Cornwall, Brittany, Scotland - and tend to think of myself not as a state of existance but a process, so I can be both pakeha and celt at once.

Funny jokes? I don't know. There are the obscene, the weird, the witty. I won't even try to post anything that begins 'There was a young girl from Nantucket...'.

The one I've had stuck in my head most recently is this:

Two guys are getting drunk in a bar at the top of a skyscraper. One says to the other: "The wind'sh so shtrong up here you can jump out the window and you'll be blown right back in."
"No way," says the other guy.
"It's true, says the first guy, and jumps out the window. A moment later he flies back in. "Shee?"
"Wow," says the other guy, jumps out the window, and falls to his death fifty storeys below.
The first guy goes back to the bar and orders another beer. The bartender says, "You're a mean drunk, Superman."
 

Word to J Allen Palos

Who else here has a book on the mathmatics of humor?

As lowly as I generally find puns, one by Dennis Miller ranks up there on my list.

During a characteristic rant, during the Clinton administration, he stated that "George Stephanopolus has done more for 'spin' than anyone since Enrico Fermi." I'll just say that's a lot!

A huge audiance, certainly several hundred, just erupted into laughter, I dare say only a small fraction of them got the joke. There is certainly something to be said for timing and force of personality, (which goes a long way to explaining how Seinfeld got famous.)
 

Sidran said:

An englishmen, an Scotsmen, and an Irishmen are all sitting at the local pub.

A fly lands in the englishmens beer which he quickly pushes away asking for a new glass.

A fly lands in the Scotsmens beer and he scoops it out and downs the brew.

Another fly lands in the Irishmens beer, and in an angry voice he scoops it up by its foot and begins violently shaking it saying

" Give it back " Give it back you thieving fly"

And this works even if you switch the nationalities around!

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are all sitting at the local pub.

A fly lands in the Englishman's (...warm...) beer, so he quickly pushes away and asks for a new glass.

A fly lands in the Irishman's beer (Guinness) and he scoops it out and downs the brew. You don't waste good Guinness, you see.

Another fly lands in the Scotsman's beer, and he angrily scoops it up and begins violently shaking it saying, "Give it back! Give it back, you thieving fly!"


Hong "and in Austria, we barbecue the fly" Ooi
 

Here's one for you s/LaSH:

[color=sky blue]GODS GIFT

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six
days.
Eventually Michael the Arch-Angel found him on the seventh day resting.
He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"
God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards
through the clouds "Look Michael, look what I've made." said God.
Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"
"It's a planet," replied God, and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call
it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."
"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth. "For example, North
America will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while South
America is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot
spot and Russia will be a cold spot. Over there I've placed a continent
of white people and over there is a continent of black people," God
continued, pointing to dif ferent countries. "This one will be extremely
hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."
The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a small land
mass and said "What's that one?"
"Ah," said God. "That's New Zealand, the most glorious place on Earth.
There are beautiful lakes, rivers, streams and hills. The people from
New Zealand are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're
going to be found traveling the world. They'll be extremely sociable,
hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the
world as diplomats and carriers of peace. "
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about
balance, God? You said there will be BALANCE!"
God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the wankers I'm putting next to
them. I call them Australians!!!" [/color]
 

Eternalknight said:
Here's one for you s/LaSH:

[color=sky blue]GODS GIFT

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six
days.
Eventually Michael the Arch-Angel found him on the seventh day resting.
He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"
God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards
through the clouds "Look Michael, look what I've made." said God.
Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"
"It's a planet," replied God, and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call
it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."
"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth. "For example, North
America will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while South
America is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot
spot and Russia will be a cold spot. Over there I've placed a continent
of white people and over there is a continent of black people," God
continued, pointing to dif ferent countries. "This one will be extremely
hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."
The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a small land
mass and said "What's that one?"
"Ah," said God. "That's New Zealand, the most glorious place on Earth.
There are beautiful lakes, rivers, streams and hills. The people from
New Zealand are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're
going to be found traveling the world. They'll be extremely sociable,
hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the
world as diplomats and carriers of peace. "
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about
balance, God? You said there will be BALANCE!"
God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the wankers I'm putting next to
them. I call them Australians!!!" [/color]

Traitor! Why, I'll bet you're secretly barracking for the Warriors, aren't you. Never trust a Mexican.
 

hong said:


Traitor! Why, I'll bet you're secretly barracking for the Warriors, aren't you. Never trust a Mexican.

Not at all hong :). Not at all. I have absolutely no liking of sheep (except to eat.... as in swallow.... ummm.... )

P.S. Have you ever tried Hong "Like a horse: Ooi?
 

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