I think the issue is the third and fifth parts.
Some DMs are against players asking for changes or justifications.
Some players are against DMs having final say.
I'll agree with you just because I feel you may have saw something I didn't. But, I have not seen any DM in here that are against players asking why or seeing if they can play something. Maybe the number of times asking is the problem. But, is there a DM here that is against players asking?
I think, if we look, we will see some have consternation with both the statements before the last one. I expect that where one actually balks at that list highly correlates to the entrenched sides of this discussion.
Hmm... again. So I guess I will err to your perception. But, DMs working with players? I would ask again, is there a DM here that wouldn't work with the player? If you mean, work with player, as in, they get to be the race they wanted, then I guess we disagree on what that sentence means. If you mean, work with player, player gets the mechanical benefits or similar culture, but not race, then that was my definition.
We can, of course, blow the whole thing out of the water with presenting the Dresden Files RPG. The game has an explicit step of setting/city creation, in which the players generate most of the common setting elements to be used in the campaign. This violates the very first statement in the list, showing that it is not a general truism, merely a D&D tradition.
Agreed. But it is a D&D forum. And calling this a tradition is like calling a strike in baseball a tradition. It is not a tradition, but in the rules. And like a strike, some umps may grant more leeway than others, but it is in the rulebook. Just like it is in the rulebooks for D&D.
Better said than I seem to be doing. I think there's some advice as to when some of this happens. For example I always make the parameters of the campaign clear when I initially start talking about a new campaign. By the time we're discussing actual PCs, classes, relationships (or lack therein) between the PCs, we should have agreed on what races (and any other limitations) we have. So there's details we could fill in, but I agree with the outline.
Yeah, I have said this before, maybe I am just lucky. As a player, I have never had a DM not explain the parameters ahead of time. I also have clearly stated in my arguments, that this is the premise.
The problem is we seem to keep getting caught up on both sides with examples of bad players and bad DMs. The bad player accepts the invitation knowing what the restrictions are and then argues that they must be allowed to ignore those restrictions even if everyone else is okay with it. A bad DM backtracks and bans things after the campaign started or a dozen other bad DM behaviors. To me, these are all red herrings.
I can't agree with this, sorry. The literal examples the player side uses are them hearing the parameters and then making something outside the parameters. Their examples (three or four of them now) either skip the DM parameters or insist the DM does not listen.
If the DM has final say as it states in the rules (including the option to change the rules), then I don't see what the issue is or why we're closing in on 200 pages. I think that when you say "Yes, Kelly, I want to join your campaign" you are accepting that Kelly is the referee and has final call on rules, house rules and restrictions. A player can always ask for a change, the DM can say "yes", "no" or something in between, but the DM makes the final call. The DM can and should ask for feedback, what they do with the feedback is up to them.
This. A million times over. This.
This is also the reason I say the two sides disagree on my final step - the DM has the final say. I really feel like many on the player side believe there is some paradigm that the "old school guard" can't comprehend. There isn't. And, even more so, the DMs (at least on here) are steeped in all types of games.