What It's Like For a Gamer Girl

[The_Gneech]

Blokey!

-The Gneech

 

[WizarDru]

Just curious, had anyone happened to read this article here?

I thought it was quite interesting. In general, I've almost always had female gamers at my table, from age 15 on. I've never noticed a difference between the gender of my players, quite frankly. Some female gamers are tactical, some are dramatic, and some are in it for the bloodthirsty kill. I won't tell you which one I'm married to.

 

[Wippit Guud]

Some female gamers are tactical, some are dramatic, and some are in it for the bloodthirsty kill. I won't tell you which one I'm married to.

If you did, she's kill you, eh?

 

[WizarDru]

If you did, she's kill you, eh?

Shhhh. Quiet, you fool! She'll HEAR you!

[looks right and left...dodges around corner]

 

[drnuncheon]

Shhhh. Quiet, you fool! She'll HEAR you!

[looks right and left...dodges around corner]

My wife's the violent one in our group, too - dwarven barbarian, excessively violent elven policeman turned criminal...hmmm.

J
goes to put a blanket on the couch
moves the couch in here where he can lock the door

 

[Kilmore]

IMC, a female courtier is a courtier. Calling the wrong one a courtesean will get you hurt. The definition may technically fit, but the meaning has evolved into something a bit different. It would be like saying, "Gee, the Crown Prince is rather gay today."

 

[Bloodsparrow]

I don't see, in any way shape or form, what this has to do with being a gamer... much less a girl gamer...

1. Why is it that male gamers are often so condescending? If I ask a question, why does it seem like they think I am completely ignorant? Whether they know the answer or don't even understand the question, why is it that I often get the answer I'd say was reserved for (to put it politely) the lowest common denominator?

I don't gennerally have this problem, even back when my tactic was to not bother with the rules and always ask which die I was supposed to be rolling.

If I find a player or group to be consistently hostile and/or condescending I do the following.

1. Try to step back and see if I'm not over-reacting.
2. Ignore the person's condescending attitude.
3. Find a new group

2. Why is it that when I'm cranky or touchy, I'm suddenly thrust into the position of being a representative of all female gamers instead of just having that kind of day?

Because you're not a representative, people simply tend to make generalizations... (Heh heh heh.)

Or, if they see me always losing patience with them, they never seem to question themselves or reflect on why I get irksome. A very exaggerated example. Say that every time I meet Bob, he throws a rock in my face. Bob often laughs it off and says he's kidding, but that doesn't negate the fact that I don't like having rocks thrown in my face. Then, one day, I get tired of it, and every time Bob throws a rock at me, I pick up a stick and whack him with it. Now, rather than ask, "What did I do to deserve that?" Bob asks, "Why are you so unreasonable (or some variation thereof)?" Then, on the off day he doesn't throw a rock in my face, he jests (sorta), "Are you gonna hit me with the stick?" Or worse yet, just labels me as neurotic or irrational and goes about his business.

... Because whacking somebody with a stick without telling them to stop thowing rocks in your face no matter how funny they find it is irrational.

If he throws a rock in your face tell him to stop, if he throws annother, throw one back, and then have nothing to do with that person from that point forward. Escalation is not the answer on this one, trust me.

I'm not going to touch the rest of these with a ten foot pole.

In the end, find a new group.

 

[hellbender]

Threads like this are puzzling to me. I game with women, and have never had a problem with a person's gender in a game (whether as a player or a PC). This is all such a non-issue to me. Instead of accusing all of gamer 'x' type, find yourself a mature group of adults to game with. The high school attitude has to go.

hellbender

 

[fusangite]

This debate about courtesans [since deleted ~ Piratecat]is pathetic and insane. There is no place for courtesans as PCs in D&D because:
(a) courtesan is a charged term with a contested meaning that a minority of people are trying to rehabilitate into meaning something other than what it means for most people right now
(b) sex is not something D&D does model or should model
(c) if a player wants to play a character whose main job is to influence others to act a particular way, she should play a bard or enchanter neither of which class needs to exchange or promise to exchange fluids with anyone

I can see, though, why there is such enthusiasm for debating the couresan thing: Kahuna Burger has finally found an area of the debate in which everyone participating is so ignorant that it is vastly easier for one to allege that ENWorld is overtly sexist.

I must say, in this context, I feel rather bad about one of my posts. Although I have personally observed the dynamic of male gamers feeling insecure and freaked-out around female gamers and therefore not treating them well, I do not want to make it sound as though this problem is being created exclusively by male gamers. It does sound as though Afrodyte does attempt to import a number of non-male social behaviours into games: insisting on speaking in terms of "feelings" instead of "facts" is a tough discursive switch for men. Alleged facts can be disputed; alleged feelings cannot, for instance.

Anyway, enough from me, back to your regularly scheduled hair-pulling and eye-gouging.

 

[Arnwyn]

I was mostly curious as to:

1. Whether my experiences were coincidental or part of a larger pattern.
2. Whether my observations have basis in how men and women interact (and if so, how) or if there is some other explanation for the things I experienced (them being jerks, just guys, unique personalities, some other explanation, or a combination of these), and
3. If they are part of a larger pattern of varying styles of communicating (based on gender, subculture, or what have you), how to best deal with it.

This is what you were trying to answer? I hate to tell you, but you didn't provide anywhere *near* enough information to even begin to debate a reasonable answer.

As to (1), I think it's pretty clear (to me, at least) that your experiences are coincidental (based on both my anecdotal experiences and the myriad of posts on this thread already).

For (2) and (3) - this hasn't even been answered by scientists yet, so you certainly won't find a meaningful answer on a D&D-related website on the internet.