What to do when the DR says "You're gonna die most likely"

[JoeBlank]

As others have said, hope for the best but plan for the worst.

You might ask your doctor for a referral to someone who can help with the emotional side of what you are experiencing.

And you do need to think about wills, living wills, etc. If your estate is fairly simple you may want to try taking care of this stuff yourself. It is not too complicated. Some excellent books and software can be found here:

http://www.nolo.com/index.cfm

If you feel like you would rather have some legal guidance, try this link, on your state bar association's page:

http://www.oklahomafindalawyer.com/FindALawyer

You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. Tell them sooner, rather than later. You should not have to go through this alone.

 

[Harmon]

Anyone of us can die tomorrow. Make your Will out, make a Living Will, get all your effects into order. Place all that stuff into a box, and make memories that your kids will remember and not need to find a VCR/DVD Player for.

Get a second and third opinion. Are there any treatments? No. Okay then find one outside of the Doctor's scope.

Dad used Chinese herbs, detox, and all kinds of other stuff. He beat one of the unbeatable diseases.

You think you are going to die in a year, and you believe that, then you are gonna die in a year. Or you could step outside tomorrow and get by a train that derailed a half mile from your house. Make the choice to live or make the choice to die.

I hope (for you, your kids and your wife) that you make the choice to live, to fight with every thing you have. Make memories that your kids will remember of you fighting. If you fail, and you do pass into the next world, then they will remember that you never gave up.

Hope it all works out for you.

 

[Steve Jung]

I don't have much advice that the others haven't written. I'll send good thoughts your way, Eosin.

 

[Greylock]

How do I make sure that my boys "know me." Do you write letters? Maybe you start a blog and suck out the good parts that mom can give them?

These things, well, there are folks who hold them dear, but I have no experience of anything like them. None of the folks I've loved who moved on left anything like personal notes or letters. One of my grandfathers passed away when I was four, and I still have precious memories of him. I can imagine him in every detail, and know everything about him as a man. That is because he was a very good, kind, honest and true person. No one who ever knew him has failed to tell me a story about him.

Live your life every day, and spend every available moment with your wife, your mother, your friends and your sons. Hold their hands, set the kids on your lap, talk to them. Step away from technology. Memories can be stronger than words.

 

[Dracomeander]

First thing- make up your mind- "Am I going to live or am I going to die?" Which will it be?

Make the choice- be there when your boys are getting married.

This is the best piece of advice I ever seen given to someone in your position.

Getting the support of your family and your affairs in order is good too. But make the decision that you're going to beat the odds.

My mom has had pancreatitis since she was a small child and has lived her whole life with triglyceride counts so high that they should kill any ten people simultaneously if the counts were divided evenly among them.

I'm proof she beat the odds. I'm 42, and she's still around.

My prayers are with you. You can beat the odds and enjoy life no matter what the doctors believe.

 

[The_lurkeR]

Like Harmon says, anyone can die tomorrow, and will eventually. Definately get your things in order and prepare for the worst. That's something we should all do, because not everyone gets a warning.

Second I would definately tell your wife right away, as soon as it's appropriate. It's the right thing to do, and you're going to want and need her support. Your kids won't understand, so I don't think telling them is necessary at their age. Perhaps get some fish or something if you don't have any now, so that you could use those to teach them what you want about life.

I agree with Harmon not to do something for them that they would need a vcr or dvd player for. Give them memories through experiencing things with them like you normally would, but maybe keep a scrapbook or photo album with your thoughts for them to look back on. I know my grandfather passed away a year ago, and while helping my grandmother move last month we found a scrapbook of photos and things that he kept while he was in the army, complete with his descriptions. It was fascinating and a neat insight to his character.

Like it's been said choose to be positive, plan on seeing your grandkids, and then go out and get second, third opinions, and keep pushing and make it happen.

Best wishes.

 

[Krieg]

What do you do?

One of the types of cancer I have has a 50% survival rate over a 5 year period.

You live as best you can until you die.

That is the best any of us can hope for.

 

[Angel Tarragon]

Make a video for your kids. A different one for each occasision. Graduation, Marriage or whatever else yout hink ywill be an important turning point in their life. With any luck and a whole lotta prayers and faith you'll actually be there for those events. Prepare for the worst and hope for the best.

You are in my prayers.

 

[Torm]

Make a video for your kids. A different one for each occasision.

And you'd probably want to make them like they are something the boys can watch whether you are there or not - like a video greeting card. If you focus on the negative while doing them, watching you would get to be something they would dread, and they'd hate holidays, and that isn't what you want I don't imagine. Try to make 'em a little fun - dress up like a Jedi Master, or some such.

Stay positive. The other posters are right - it will help. Even if it doesn't save you, at least you won't go out like a punk. And if me being positive for you helps, well, good, because for some reason when I read your post I get the feeling this isn't the end for you. Don't know why, I just do.

I don't want to turn this political in any way shape or form, but given the recent events in the news, you might at the same time think about a living will, too.

That's not political - it's just plain smart. And it was before recent events brought it to everyone's attention.

 

[Eosin the Red]

Thanks for the thoughts and advice. I think I was just a little out of sorts and pissed that I have to deal with this twice.

For those of you who advised keeping your chin up - I have seen people beat insane odds in the past and I have seen people get beaten by the odds. I don't plan on giving up anything before the ripe old age of 104. However, it is hard to navigate between "putting affairs in order" and "refusing to let the bastards win."

Kids are up so time for me to go play.

Thanks again for the thoughts and prayers and the safe place to sound off without the fear that comes with talking to my family.