When do you boot a player

ExploderWizard · Jan 31, 2012

DonTadow said:
I didnt want to retail my story, but I'd like to hear other stories so I can figure out if i'm over reacting or should i give him another chance.

Are you certain your story is marketable?

SkredlitheOgre · Jan 31, 2012

Granted, I'm no psychologist, but being a kindergarten teacher may have something to do with his behavior. I studied and got my degree in Elementary Education and given that you have to be in charge of groups of small children who need your attention but that you have to hold back on a lot of the more outgoing and aggressive behaviors that you see in 'ordinary' people, this may just be his way of cutting loose and releasing that stress. Unfortunately, the way he does it doesn't work with your game.

dagger · Jan 31, 2012

We give new players a 2 or 3 session probationary period then its thumbs up or down, and they generally know this in advance.

AntiStateQuixote · Jan 31, 2012

When to boot:

1. Violence (or serious threats of) - out immediately with zero chance of returning

2. Crude, obnoxious, unpleasant behavior (above and beyond our normal level of crudity) - several warnings, but you can't be a constant

- eventually you're gone

3. Playstyle mismatch - hey, dude, this is how everyone else has fun, can you adjust? No. Are you making the game unfun for others? Yes. Hey, we really need you to adjust or you're gonna have to go, ok? No. Alright. Have a good one. We'll invite you back when we change game styles or you do.

the Jester · Jan 31, 2012

I would give him one last chance, letting him know explicitly that it is the last chance, that he's spoiling or reducing the fun for others at the table and that you need to see real change the next game.

Bear in mind that change isn't instant. If he's improving his behavior significantly each time AND he brings a lot of fun to the table, it might be worth giving him more time. OTOH if he's not adding anything to the group and is just detracting from the fun, it may not be worth letting him crap on a couple more sessions to prove the point.

kitsune9 · Jan 31, 2012

Sounds like you already gave him his chance and he blew it.

We're adults here. People should act and understand what that means. It means figuring out that when you're in the company of others that you want to enjoy yourself, but not at their expense.

If I was DM for this player, they get an email from me stating that it's no longer fun to have them around and goodbye.

I personally have a zero tolerance for players who like to roleplay Chaotic Jerk characters. I offer a social contract which specifically states what will be their last session if they engage in certain behaviors. I don't do sit-downs, I don't have pep-talks to fly straight. Either the player understands what it means to play nice or go home.

Traveon Wyvernspur · Jan 31, 2012

One piece of advice: "Happy wife, happy life." If your wife is unhappy with him and you've already given him a second chance, it's time to give him da boot and keep your wife and family happy in your game.

Find another player or relative to take over his spot and just let him know it isn't going to work out with your group and that you aren't power gamers like he is and that he'd probably enjoy playing with others who do that style of game.

frankthedm · Jan 31, 2012

Boot the player now. Call him up and tell him to no longer show up. Explain he is unwelcome on your property. If he claims to have left anything at your place, ask for his address so you can mail the items back to him.

Janx · Jan 31, 2012

SkredlitheOgre said:
Granted, I'm no psychologist, but being a kindergarten teacher may have something to do with his behavior. I studied and got my degree in Elementary Education and given that you have to be in charge of groups of small children who need your attention but that you have to hold back on a lot of the more outgoing and aggressive behaviors that you see in 'ordinary' people, this may just be his way of cutting loose and releasing that stress. Unfortunately, the way he does it doesn't work with your game.

When my wife was studying to be a teacher, one of the quotes she was told from a special ed teacher was "don't spend too many years working in special ed, lest you become special, too."

Working around a certain mindset level affects you. Heck, in many ways, this guy's behavior could be described as acting like a kindergartner.

I have s simple mantra for management of problem people:
Correct, Deflect, Eject.

Try to corect the problem
If that doesn't work, try to deflect that person from areas that challenge them
If that doesn't work, eject the person from the group, as they are unworkable.

The OP has verified that the group agrees this is a problem (and not a solo-manipulation). The OP tried to correct it. The OP has no real reason to keep the guy around, especially if the guy is making his wife mad.

Do not bring people over that your dog or wife does not like. The former is a prretty good judge of people, and the latter is just common sense. Do not let a stranger instigate domestic trouble.