Why is it so difficult to find good groups?

[kitsune9]

Finding a face-to-face group is always fraught with perils.

RPGs provide a bajillion experiences to a bajillion people and we all have varying expectations of what kind of game we should play and experience.

Then you get people who have little social redeemable value and put on a face of normality but when you game with them, they are strange in the least and completely sociopathic in the extreme. We all have stories of when we had to deal with "that guy" or "cat-piss man". Luckily for me, I only had to deal with them at conventions. Unfortunately, there were a lot of them at conventions.

After coupling all these factors, one could be at their wits end from trying to find a regular, normal, stable group. But we presevere anyways, because we want to enjoy the experience that rpgs bring.

Piratecat brings up a good point in which I'm a big advocate of--if you're going to be serious about putting together a new group, then you got to go gamedays, cons, and other places in order to network. You need to build up a list of people who after a few sessions at a con or a gameday, hanging out and playing with them is cool. Now it's just a matter of making the arrangements of getting people together.

 

[delericho]

Didn't say you did...

True.

For the rest of it, I think we're going to have to agree to disagree. My feeling is that you're better off getting into the network first, even if it's not your game of choice, and then working towards where you'd really want to be. But, evidently, your mileage varies.

 

[Raven Crowking]

I've never found it difficult to find good groups, but, then (1) I usually GM, (2) I am not above converting to the cause (i.e., generating players from non-players), and (3) as a player, I respect the GM's right to set the parameters of the game.

EDIT: I do not go to cons or gamedays.....Or have not since Gen Con in the late 80s.

RC

 

[Dungeoneer]

Trench coats? I think you're being a bit judgemental. Everyone goes through goofy fads.

Smelled bad? Don't sit near them. OK, this one is bad. But I've experienced this at GenCon more than I ever did at an FLGS.

Cheaters? I had one of those at GGoW. It was awesomely hilarious for me to play fair as DM and watch him fail miserably over and over despite his cheating. Eventually he began to watch the more experienced players and learned how to play more intelligently. He stopped relying on cheating.

Quoting a favorite show? Don't show up to my house on a Friday night then!

I think the problem is less that FLGS people are "weird" than it is that gamers are self-conscious and project onto other gamers a very judgemental attitude. "If everyone else at the FLGS was weird..."

You know, you're right.

Clearly all my experiences are invalid and all yours are correct.

I apologize. Thanks for making me realize I'm weird.

 

[shadzar]

True.

For the rest of it, I think we're going to have to agree to disagree. My feeling is that you're better off getting into the network first, even if it's not your game of choice, and then working towards where you'd really want to be. But, evidently, your mileage varies.

Let us say these networks are ENWorld and Dragonsfoot.

ENWorld may offer a larger selection to choose from, but maybe not the type of things that interest you, while Dragonsfoot may offer a smaller selection, but exactly the type of thing you are looking for.

So the type of network you are trying to get into makes a BIG difference, and many aren't into joining overwhelming networks that may offer little in the long run, but would prefer the network to contain things of interest to them so they have a greater chance of finding what they were joining the network for.

So if you priority is making friends, then that is the network you seek, but if it is playing GAME X, then you seek out that network, and make friends you know of similar interest and part of the work is done. You wouldn't have to try to get them to try a game you liked as you already all like the same one.

To put it another way, you wouldn't likely join ENWorld, a predominantly RPG site, when you are looking for a chess club.

Make better sense now?

 

[Dausuul]

You know, you're right.

Clearly all my experiences are invalid and all yours are correct.

I apologize. Thanks for making me realize I'm weird.

Vyvyan never said your experiences were invalid, only that you're being overly judgemental. IMO, on the subject of trench coats and TV show quotes, he's perfectly right. Smelling bad and cheating are another matter.

 

[Raven Crowking]

My feeling is that you're better off getting into the network first, even if it's not your game of choice, and then working towards where you'd really want to be. But, evidently, your mileage varies.

It really depends upon what you are after.

If what you want it very specific/ideosyncratice, then you may well have to compromise or slog through some less-than-ideal gaming to get there. And, even with that, you might not get there.

If what you want is more general/generally sought, then you can probably pick and choose a good fit, without having to waste time with games you're not enjoying.

I'm not saying that one is better than the other -- you should do what it takes to "follow your bliss" (so to speak).


RC

 

[Mort]

I think I've been extremely lucky with groups for the most part. With the exception of This game most of my groups have lasted a minimum of four years, usually only ending when I've moved away.

My current group has been going strong for about 10 years, certainly with some player turnover, but with 3 members (out of our current 6) there for 7-8+ years (6 years of that was my 1st - epic 3e-3.5e campaign for which I take some pride in!) The 2 new guys (asked to join about 3 months ago) seem to be fitting right in, so as I've said, I think I've been pretty lucky.

 

[Glyfair]

There are so many different (and perfectly good) styles of play it's hard to find people who are on board with yours regardless of how friendly you are.

Of course, it's much harder to find a group if you have only one style of play you like. The more specific your needs and preferences, the harder it is to find a group. You need a group that is willing to stay close to your preferred play style. A large percentage groups like this met early in their gaming career and developed their preferences together. Once that group starts breaking up, it can be hard to find exactly what you want.

On the other hand, if you enjoy a lot of different play styles, then it is much easier to find and put together a group. Heaven for this sort of player is when he can get together a group that has similar tastes that is willing to switch around play styles occasionally. Even a small group of people like this work well, since they can assimilate themselves into other small groups and adapt to their play style.

 

[fba827]

i can think of three broad reasons (which have been covered in various forms by previous posters in this thread ....)

1) it's a niche hobby, so it's not as easy as finding someone to play basketball with

2) to be in a stable group it requires easy recurring scheduling/time commitment, which, as adults, is difficult between family, kids, work, responsibilities...

3) it is focused on the social aspect as much as the rules aspect, so when you do find a group, the group has to mesh with personalitiy and style preferences (and, it goes without saying that personality and style each have a large spectrum of possible combinations and social expectations)

If any of that falls short, it could make a good group into a bad group from any individual's perspective.