Woohoo, I think! (was: Advice Please?)

[Mercule]

19 & 27? Well, there's a rule. Divide your age by two and add seven. If
she's younger in years than the outcome of that, she's too young for you
and you're a pervert. Else, knock yourself out.

WTF? Where did you come up with that? Not that I don't like the handy-dandy formula, but it seems odd.

I'd be hesitant. It could work out, or not. As has been said, there's a pretty big difference in mentallity between a 19 yr old and a 27 year old. The only people who'd say otherwise are under 21.

I wouldn't worry too much about what others think, though. It matters a little, but only if it could impact you career, etc. (hey, it may not be right, but some people will judge). Beyond that, they ain't setting you up with anyone -- let 'em eat cake.

FWIW, I've been married for almost nine years, so putting myself in a dating frame of mind is difficult, but I'll give it a shot. Oddly enough, I was in a training class today and happened to be with a good number of women aging (at a guess) anywhere from 4 to 10 years younger than me (and some older, but they aren't relevant to this discussion). Thinking about them, I'd have to say that about the youngest I'd probably have considered would be about 25 -- I'm 31.

 

[Hida Bukkorosu]

GO FOR IT!

i'm almost 27, and i would LOVE it if a hot 18-19 year old chick was interested in me! but maturity wise i probably wouldn't be mature enough for them

 

[LightPhoenix]

On the contrary, mister Flaming Canary

Well, when my friends finally convince me to go to the gay bar with them, I know what my moniker will be.

most 19 years olds I know are quite future-oriented and willing to commit, while most 30 year old I know are wild and untamed, living for the moment. But then again, I live in Central New Jersey, the Armpit of the US, where nothing is as it should be.

Well, they are only guidelines, and I subscribe to the Jungian-Adler school of how maturity works... that is, there are stages that are generally not defined by your age, though there are certain trends.

I don't think it's necessarily that they won't commit, because they certainly do... my first gf was only nineteen when she started going out with me, and we were together for three years. It's just that when they're nineteen, most people aren't thinking about paying for college for their kids. Chances are they're not really thinking about marriage and everything that entails in any serious manner. It's that long-term commitment that somewhere along the line you become able to think about and accept that I don't think people who are nineteen are able to face.

On the other hand, there are certainly thirty-somethings who "live for the moment". Though I would dare say my definition and yours differ, in that I think that people can have fun, be spontaneous, go wild and cut loose and still keep the future in mind. To me at least, "living for the moment" is more of a perversion of a sound psychological practice (living in the present) as an excuse to shirk responsibilities.

But now we're completely off topic. This isn't helping Andrew at all, sorry!

But Hey, I think this girl would realise that he's serious when she gave him her number. Otherwise, Mister Gable here could be in for a simple streak of fun.

As long as it's fun, I'm happy for him. Go Andrew!

I just tend to take the more cynical approach, mostly because I've had several friends burned recently because they thought things would work out long-term, and gotten pretty down because they didn't live up to expectations.

 

[Psionicist]

Add another year both ways and you'd be right. She's 19, I'm 27.

The girl in Lost in Translation was 19. How old is Bill Murray again? 50?

Don't sweat it.

 

[diaglo]

every young chickee needs a sugar daddy.

go for it.

 

[The_Universe]

I find that there's no set formula for maturity, and commitment-mindedness based on age. There are guys I work with that might as well still be in middle school for their relationship maturity level, and then there are people like me (who get married when they are 22). Because maturity is so variable, as long as everybody's legal, it's hard to say who's compatible and who's not. The only way to find out is experience, really.

Nonetheless, there are practical considerations. If she's 19 and you're 27 and something long-term works out, you really have to think about your habits. As long as you're in the US, you can't go to bars together until she is 21, nor will be able to (legally) sit down with a nice glass of wine to talk, snuggle, or whatever. It's not an issue if neither you nor your friends drink...but it's something to consider that we often forget to.

Also, while we're certainly not talking about marriage before the first date, it's something to think about, especially if it's something you're already thinking about. You certainly don't have to tell us if such things have or have not crossed your mind, but if they have, then you might want to try to ascertain if such things are on her mind, as well. If they haven't, then no big deal.

For the situation in general, I say go for it. There's no harm in a date. She obviously digs you, and there's no shame in enjoying being "dug."

Have a good time, and let us know how it goes. In the end, it's all about how you feel, and not Mom and Dad.

 

[Andrew D. Gable]

Status report.

I gave her a call yesterday and she sounded very happy to hear from me, alright! Then I find out that she's best friends with one of my other friend's girlfriend (jeez, complicated enough) -- anyway, my friend told me she was anxious like all day Sunday about me calling her, too. So that's a good thing I'm sure.

Didn't ask her out yet, aim to call her back tomorrow and ask. So another status report coming.

I just tend to take the more cynical approach, mostly because I've had several friends burned recently because they thought things would work out long-term, and gotten pretty down because they didn't live up to expectations.

I was the same way for a while, too. I hit a pretty bad patch girl-wise about four years back -- well, just bad in general, really. Everything else in my life was pretty hectic. There was nothing wrong at all with said girl at that time, it was mostly me grossly misinterpreting things, getting my hopes up WAY too high, overreacting quite badly, and generally acting like an ass. That instance pretty much put me out of commission girl-wise for a long time.

 

[Crothian]

I still say go for it, you never get anywhere playing it safe. THe woirst thing that can happen is a life learning experience.

 

[Andrew D. Gable]

Update Number Two.

I called her up this afternoon and asked her out, and we're going out Friday (the universal, all-purpose Official Date Night(tm)).

 

[Crothian]

So, where are you taking her and what are you doing? I figure I'll be a bit nosey here and just ask.

Congrats and I hope it goes well.