word play game

[StupidSmurf]

I hope there's no dupes here...didn't think so, but hey...

Fold Person- A spell that cause a person to bend in half against their will.

Shocking Grass- Pot laced with electrical current

Tasha's Hideous Daughter- Let's just say Charisma isn't her strong point, m'kay?

Colon Spray- Um....best not to dwell on this one.

Expeditious Retread- Magically grants better traction to your wagon wheels, thereby increasing its speed.

Displacer Breast- Whenever you try to cop a feel, it turns out that it's three inches to the left of where you're grabbing.

Otto's Irresistable Dunce- Conjures this guy that everyone just loves to have around because he's so nice. Has a 3 Int.

Precise Snot- This feat gives you the ability to shoot a booger out of your nose and have it hit exactly where you want.

Manyshot- See above, but a whole booger barrage ensues instead.

Point Blank Snot- You fire a booger at someone within 3' of you.

 

[StupidSmurf]

Slurry of Blows- Enables your monk to launch a tide of fish guts at your opponents.

Mind Like Wafer- You have crunchy tasty braaaaaains.

Fart Save- A saving throw, based on Con, to prevent you from getting sick due to other's flatulence.

Reflux Save- A saving throw, based on Dex, to avoid the effects of someone else's acid reflux.

Great Help- (2nd ed) A large metal armored-type thing you place on your head which limits your vision, but gives you a major AC bonus, keeps you apprised of your health condition, and does your taxes for you.

Anubus- Mulhorandi (Realms-equivalent to Ancient Egypt) god of deceased public transporation drivers.

Shidow- Non-corporeal undead whose touch turns inanimate objects into feces.

Wafer Elemental- Conjured extra-planar spirit from the Holy Eucharist plane.

Demi-lich- (Ok, not quite obeying the rules here) What you get when Ashton Kutcher's wife dies and returns from the dead.

Roly Avenger- Sword which does extra damage against thin people, and gives its wielder resistance to diets.

 

[Warrior Poet]

Anubus- Mulhorandi (Realms-equivalent to Ancient Egypt) god of deceased public transporation drivers.

Warrior Poet

 

[StupidSmurf]

Book of Vole Darkness- A tome describing the wickedness of small rodents.

Book of Exalted Weeds- A tome describing beneficial plants that refuse to die.

 

[StupidSmurf]

Glitterbust- Causes a Mariah Carey movie to fail at the box office (like it needed any help??)

Stone of Good Duck- If your character is injured and can't go adventuring, this duck appears with supplemental cash. AaaaFLACKKK!!!!

WereSox- A person who mysteriously turns into a Red Sox fan when they either win the World Series or make it to the post-season.

Blues Dragon- "Well since my mate done left me/ I'm mopin' inside my cave/ Adventurers attack me/ They just won't behave/ They try to take my treasure/ They try to take my jewels/ I breathe on them for good measure/ And electrocute the fools."

Gibbering Mother- A parent who nags incessantly and brainlessly about the alleged evils of roleplaying.

 

[genshou]

Stone of Good Duck- If your character is injured and can't go adventuring, this duck appears with supplemental cash. AaaaFLACKKK!!!!
[...]
Gibbering Mother- A parent who nags incessantly and brainlessly about the alleged evils of roleplaying.

Hee hee! I could just imagine that duck suddenly showing up during the downtime part of a gaming session, too... Hard-to-pronounce the Barbarian and Bob the Fighter are discussing the apparent lack of healing magic in town when suddenly a duck appears only to get smashed by Hard-to-pronounce's greataxe as he drops it to the ground. AaaaFLACKKK!!!! indeed.

A gibbering mother, eh? I always called mine Umberlee.

 

[StupidSmurf]

Hee hee! I could just imagine that duck suddenly showing up during the downtime part of a gaming session, too... Hard-to-pronounce the Barbarian and Bob the Fighter are discussing the apparent lack of healing magic in town when suddenly a duck appears only to get smashed by Hard-to-pronounce's greataxe as he drops it to the ground. AaaaFLACKKK!!!! indeed.

A gibbering mother, eh? I always called mine Umberlee.

Bwahahahha!! Nice, on all counts!!!

 

[Sejs]

Animate Pants - causes the legwear of the target to spring to life and attempt to grapple the foe. The danger of the spell largely depends on the gender of the target and the presence or absence of a zipper.

Raise Dad - Unlike its similarly named counterpart, this spell actually serves to grant the targeted father an increase in wages.

Animate Dad - For when you're sick of telling your husband to go and mow the lawn already.

Arcane Slight - Lets the caster see the patterns of magic... kinda.

Disguise Melf - Hides Melf so people can't go about Altering him all the dang time.

Malign Weapon - Causes your weapon to seem much more evil, wicked, and nasty than it actually is.

Atonemint - For when you're really sorry about bad breath.

Evard's Black Tes..er. right. Eric's grandmother. Nevermind.

Changestuff - An untimatly usefull spell if not too speciffic about what it actually does.

Cornfusion - Instantly binds an entire stalk of corn to the target. The Lesser variant only bonds a single ear. Great at parties!

Charm Parson - Get in tight with your local clergyman for up to one hour per level! Also available in Mass versions.

Prismatic Spay - Is best not thought about too much.

Burning Hans - Summons a large, muscular german man in a red speedo. He's just so full of life!

Continual Lame - This spell never gets any better.

Creeping Boom - Causes a microphone to keep entering the shot from above. Can also be used to lose one target Grip their job.

Curse Walter - I'll get him some day! Even if it's the last thing I do!

Detect Poisson - Generally used before Neutralize Poisson; detects the presence of fish in the area, their location, and relative strength.

Dispel Lawn - Well, at least you don't have to keep watering it now.

Explosive Runs - You never should have eatten those clams.

Ryebite - Causes a variety of adverse effects when the subject looks at certain types of grains or bread products.

Faerie Ire - You obviously didn't learn anything from watching Fern Gully, did you.

Find the Bath - Many convention-goers only wish they had this spell.

Fire Torm - God of Duty and Paladins? Not any more, pal!

Gentle Depose - Removes target king from power in a kind and easy manner.

Glob of Invulnerability - We don't know what it is, and we can't seem to affect it with spells of 5th level or lower.

Guards and Wars - Protects your home, then begins hostile action against the nearest soverign state.

Good Pope - Makes you quite satisfied with the work the supreme pontif of your choice.

Caste - Target is unable to make any career changes while under the effect of this spell. On the other hand, whatever they do, they're supposed to, so it's okay.

Helping Hans - Burning Hans shows up to assist with whatever it is you're doing.

Simplosion - Shows a rough approximation of what it would look like if something were to collapse in upon itself

Insect Plaque - Conjures up a really extensive bug collection.

Jiveoak - It's no turkey, but it'll do.

Nundetection - Causes divination spells to think you're a cloistered female clergy member.

Symbol of Plain - Creates a sigil that doesn't do much of anything exceptional. Ho-hum.

Leomund's Tiny Hat - Keeps the top of your head warm and looks rather silly. That's about it.

Undeath to Heath - An odd but useful spell that transforms the walking dead into uncultivated moorland.

Warp Woad - Make your fellow painted warriors marking turn into silly shapes, totally ruining the effect.

 

[blargney the second]

Improved Grub - A feat that makes Create Food and Water actually edible.
Exo-paladin - Someone who is a only paladin on the surface.
Dragonlace - Victoria's Secret has a new line of clothing.
Hork of blasting - Ew.

-blarg

 

[Warrior Poet]

Animate Pants, Raise Dad, et al.

Those are awesome!

Warrior Poet