Female gamers: Weal or woe?

[fusangite]

To be honest, I'm sure I act different when I'm with my female friends from how I act when I am with my boys. Isn't that the same for everyone though?

I would hope so. Hopefully we all adapt our behaviour to the social situation in which we find ourselves. That's what being part of society is all about, right?

EDIT: I can't believe this is controversial. Every group or individual I interact with has a different dynamic. If one has a diverse group of friends, if one is socially successful at work, how can this be avoided?

 

[fba827]

In the past, I have been in groups where it was all one gender or the other and a new player of the opposite gender (or in one case, a very very attractive person of the same gender that the DM took an instant crush on, but that's another story). Only one time was there even the slightest hint of it being a problem, and that was easily handled.

It would seem that the more attention you draw to the fact that they are female, the more potential it has to disrupt. I say just have them come and (wait for it ...) treat them and the session like you would any other.

Others may be a little awkward BUT with enough people acting as a rolemodel, they will get over their awkwardness by the second or third session. If not, it will just mean that more of the guys will shower and groom before coming over

If there is a problem by the end of the second/third session, then try and figure out who / what it is the problem and address it (really it shouldn't even be a major issue unless it's the DM playing favorites based on gender). But trying to anticipate social awkwardness and deal with it ahead of time may just be making yourself crazy over nothing.


Just my two cents from my own experiences anyway.

 

[PowerWordDumb]

Hopefully we all adapt our behaviour to the social situation in which we find ourselves.

Yea, sure...










I don't understand.

 

[Korgoth]

Wow. You haven't been at our table.

First thing I thought of when reading this guy's post!

 

[Nifft]

EDIT: I can't believe this is controversial. Every group or individual I interact with has a different dynamic. If one has a diverse group of friends, if one is socially successful at work, how can this be avoided?

Some people avoid it by being socially unsuccessful at work, and maintaining a small, heterogeneous group of friends.

Cheers, -- N

 

[shieldheart]

I treat female friends differently from my 'boys' in the same way I treat my work friends differently from my high school buddies.

It's not a question of maturity. I don't curse or tell dirty jokes when I'm talking to children or sensitive people. I don't eat with my fingers at a fancy restaurant.

Different people and situations call for different behaviour. I don't see how it can be construed as a maturity issue. Men and women are different. If they were the same, I wouldn't have made this post.

 

[mhacdebhandia]

Has anyone else had similar experiences?

None of the games I have ever played in which included female gamers have ever had anything like you describe happen.

While my male friends are more likely to be gamers than my female friends, I only play with my friends, so there's no reason why the guys would act differently at the gaming table than they do when we're going to a movie, or getting together to play Guitar Hero, or just at a party.

Now, maybe my experience is limited. While I play with women regularly, all of the women I've gamed with in the last few years have been in relationships - so, even if their partner isn't actually in the game, I suppose there's a difference between that and having a single woman the men might want to crack onto.

Still, even if some of these women had been single, the usual dynamics would apply. Not every unattached guy I know is going to be interested in every unattached woman he hangs out with - I know I wasn't, when I was single.

The closest personal experience I have with "potential problems" involving a female gamer I can think of is one woman who was eager to join a particular game because she was interested in the GM. However: a) she ended up in a serious relationship with another player in the game instead (and probably would have even if she didn't join the game, since the two of them were close friends anyway), and b) she was also genuinely interested in the game itself, and certainly remains so even though she's not after the GM anymore.

When I think about it, all of the long-term games I've ever played with this group of friends have involved at least one woman. There were two in the first Third Edition D&D game I ever played, up to three at one point in a d20 Wheel of Time game, two in the Fourth Edition D&D game I run now, and one in each of the games I'm playing now (Fourth Edition D&D and Fourth Edition GURPS.

 

[Barastrondo]

Different people and situations call for different behaviour. I don't see how it can be construed as a maturity issue. Men and women are different. If they were the same, I wouldn't have made this post.

Granted, but men and other men are also different. I have a lot more in common with my wife and one of my old college friends, plumbing excepted, than I do with the great majority of my male co-workers, enough so that I find it a lot easier to get along with her than with them. Heck, I have more in common with my wife than with my brother. If the guys in your gaming group act differently around women, that makes them different than the guys in my gaming group.

In my experience, there was some tension the first time I was in a group that became gender-integrated, back in college. There was the whole shifting around as the guys sort of tried to suss out if the women would also be amenable to dating, and the women tried to suss out if we were a genuinely friendly group, or a bunch of creeps under the surface of politeness. As it turned out, we were a compatible bunch of friends, and the tensions generally dissipated. Ever since then, I've gamed regularly with women and there were no troubles — well, there were troubles, but they were more frequently one male having troubles with another than anything resulting from gender integration.

Once your male friends learn to relax around women that they consider friends, it should probably work out. The dynamic may not be as locker-room as it was, but that's not necessarily a bad thing, depending on the group.

 

[blargney the second]

Good lord, weal.
-blarg

 

[Silver Moon]

I did have an uncomfotable break-up situation in my group once though, which resulted in the male individual being booted from group, unfortunately.

Back in college that happened all the time, college aged male players would bring their girlfriends to the group, who would be welcomed with open arms by the group's mid-thirties hostess. When the eventual break-ups happened it was the girl who stayed and the guy who left. At one point I was gaming with a group that was 75% female.....dated a few of them too.