Female gamers: Weal or woe?

[Timeboxer]

Men and women are different. If they were the same, I wouldn't have made this post.

Men and women aren't that different, in my opinion. That said, I think the expected roles of men and women in normal society construe each gender as a fundamentally different species.

But in all seriousness -- come on, we play D&D. We're hardly in normal society.

 

[Ambush Bug]

Good lord, weal.
-blarg

Hear, hear. Mixed-gender groups produce more interesting games and more interesting characters, as far as I've ever seen. It doesn't sound like you have serious problems on the horizon, and I don't think you need to worry about hypotheticals.

Also, I just asked my wife what she thinks. We've been roleplaying together for 20+ years, married for 2. She says she's always played in mixed-gender groups, and she's always liked the dynamic.

 

[mhacdebhandia]

To be honest, I'm sure I act different when I'm with my female friends from how I act when I am with my boys. Isn't that the same for everyone though?

Absolutely not. My female friends swear about as often as my male friends (i.e., some very rarely, some frequently), I tell the same jokes to women as I do to men, I act in exactly the same way - okay, except maybe I'm more likely to hug a female friend hello than a male friend, and even then I have some male friends who like to hug rather than just go, "Hey."

 

[mhacdebhandia]

Granted, but men and other men are also different. I have a lot more in common with my wife and one of my old college friends, plumbing excepted, than I do with the great majority of my male co-workers, enough so that I find it a lot easier to get along with her than with them. Heck, I have more in common with my wife than with my brother.

That is so true about me, as well, especially the last part.

Obviously, everyone relates to different groups of people in different ways. It's just that there's no division between "my female friends" and "my male friends" - it's "my friends", "the production and shipping staff at work", "the office staff at work", "my close family", "the rest of my family".

 

[Obryn]

You know, the only problem I've had with women at my table has been when one of my long-time female players brought her friend over to join the game, and they spent half the session grabbing their own and each others' breasts.

-O

 

[Vanuslux]

I would hope so. Hopefully we all adapt our behaviour to the social situation in which we find ourselves. That's what being part of society is all about, right?

EDIT: I can't believe this is controversial. Every group or individual I interact with has a different dynamic. If one has a diverse group of friends, if one is socially successful at work, how can this be avoided?

He said female friends, not female co-workers. You can't pick your co-workers (unless you're the one doing the hiring) but you do have some control over who your friends are. As a general rule, I don't keep friends in my life that I have to wear different masks around.

 

[ki11erDM]

Most of the time it's a headache.

The biggest problem I have found is they tend to get pregnant.

 

[MrApothecary]

So, why exactly is this question posed towards the female gamers? It is the fault of your players if they don't know that the proper way to treat a female player is just to ignore the whole double X chromosome thing and treat them like what they are....a person. Women are in fact people. Shocking, I know...

I've never had gender problems with my gaming group. Of the people I know who play D&D, half are female. And maybe this is just the fact that me and my gaming group are all teenagers, and many among my generation have a tendency to ignore your silly gender roles, but the girls are just as likely to be powergamers, or good roleplayers, or spouters of dirty jokes. And most of my group is quite capable of roleplaying the opposite gender realistically. We all have vivid imaginations and can see past our geeky or emo faces and see the character.

Back on subject, if a player cannot act properly around a female player, it is in no way her fault. I know there are a lot of socially awkward people who play D&D, but they need to grow up if there default reaction toward the presence of a woman is to gawk at her. If they can interact with other guys, then they have no excuse to not be able to interact with a female player. I'm sure people will call me naive and not knowing the real world, but if the real world has to be full of gender problems "just because", I'll stick to my own little fantasy world with one of the best groups I've ever gamed with.

 

[Gailbraithe]

My group is all guys, none of whom are married, half of whom are single. As the DM, I'm sort of loathe to invite women to the game, simply because it does change the dynamic, and I like the dynamic just the way it is.

I got a nice little lesson in this just the other week. We couldn't play at our regular place, so we played at another player's house. His girlfriend was home, and she kept coming into the room and watching us play. Everytime she would walk into the room, the whole mood in the room would shift. It wasn't a subtle shift either. It was notably jarring.

Mostly because we're a pretty raunchy group, and the adventure I'm running deals with slavers a lot, and so my slave girl miniatures have been making frequent appearances, with much accompanying off-color comments. It's Dennis Mize's Slave Auction (so they're little naked slaves), and was given to me by one of my player's ex-girlfriends -- the same player whose house we were playing at. His girlfriend noted the minis on the table, and he started bad-mouthing me as immature and sexist for using them. Just turned instantly into a "Sensitive New Age Guy," trying to make himself look all enlightened and above it. I've had those minis (which again, his ex gave me) for years, he's been playing with me for years, first time he's ever mentioned it.

Another of my players, a Coastie who is also our group's only Republican, recognized what was going on with the hosting player, and went from his normal blue jokes into territory I found kind of offensive, mostly I think in an effort to drive the girlfriend from the room. It was just tense all around, and I didn't wnat to deal with it. I just wanted to play.

I've seen some people suggest that if it changes the dynamic, then
the DM just needs to "deal with" the "problem player" and help them "get over it." I would like to suggest instead that as a DM, my job is to run the freaking game, not to play therapist to my players and help them sort out their various personal issues.

I have never understood why some people think the DM is supposed to take such a patronizing and condescending position with his or her players as to be responsible for "slapping a bit of sense into a few of the boys/men" to quote one user. I've played with some asinine DMs, but never one so obnoxious as to think they had the right to "slap some sense" into their players with regards to entirely non-game issues like how they relate to women.

Also, it'd be nice if people could stop throwing out the "fat virgins living in basements" thing anytime anyone asserts a preference for "guy's night out" style gaming. That's a cheap shot.

 

[LeaderDesslok]

My personl experience has it all based on age. When I was in my 20s and had a female player the guys would either tone down their usual playing style or hit on the chick in the group. In our 30s this was less of an issue, as most of the players were either married or in serious relationships. One guy was your classic shy guy/antisocial type and couldn't relate well, and actually dropped out of the group because one of my regulars had his wife join our group.

I'm 41 now and really, I find no problems with having a woman in our group when I'm playing with folks of +/- 5 years or so. This really seems to be an issue of the maturity of the players in your group.

I might be an exception to the rule, as I have never had a problem with women in our adventuring group, either as a DM or a player. I have found that they tend to add a lot to the roleplaying aspect of the game versus "roll-playing." I, for one, enyjoy the roleplaying versus dice rolling.