How to stop player whining? Drama!

[the Jester]

A good friendship completely transcends what happens at the gaming table. I totally get you.

GEEK SOCIAL FALLACY ALERT!

You do not have to game with someone for that person to be your friend.

This seems to be a fairly unpopular idea, but it's really true. If someone is fun outside of D&D but no fun when gaming- or a lot less fun when gaming- the solution is to quit gaming with them while maintaining your friendship in other ways.

 

[Janx]

it's probably time for one of those "difficult conversations" with lots of "it makes me feel" statements.
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Bob,

When bad things happen to your character and you challenge the DM about it, it makes me feel frustrated. You don't do this when bad things happen to other players, and other players don't do it for themselves to the extent that I feel you do.

I feel this behavior is inappropriate for a gamer as it detracts from fun for everyone. I understand that these situations frustrate you, but your behavior exacerbates things. I enjoy your company at the game table, and I would like us to work together to overcome the challenges that happen in the game as the great team we are.

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try something like that. Fine tune the wording. The goal is to minimize criticising his behavior, though no amount of word-smithing can prevent him from thinking that anyway. You want to get down to how his behavior is unacceptable and is out of the norm from his peers.

At some point the kid who eats his own poo stops because he sees that other kids don't do it (and will criticize him for it), or he becomes a hermit and mails out poo-bombs to his enemies. Either way, problem solved.

What you got here is a poo-boy. I don't care how much a friend he is outside the game, or how good he does when he's good in game, if he's causing that much ruckus, he's not a good gamer and he's being an abusive friend.

 

[DumbPaladin]

@ DumbPaladin: Well most of the bad things that happen to him happen to at least one other person as well, like being shot for a ton of damage by the gatling gun, or the items lost in the fire. IF something doesnt work out for someone else and he's not involved, he's kinda bummed about it like anyone would be (like I said, no one is HAPPY to take a bunch of damage or lose an item), but no more then anyone else really. Maybe SLIGHTLY more.

And yes he gets upset about pretty much anything negative that happens to him. Example:

We're 3rd level. HP is in the low 30's. We're fighting a guy who is obviously a super badass, has defintily had some sort of enchantment or something on him or had drunk a potion of someting good. He's comes up and whacks said player with an obviously magic sword (a cavalry sabre) for 15 damage. Player freaks out, saying it's BS that someone did that much damage with a sword, citing the fact that HE can't do that with HIS cavalry sabre. He has a mundane sword and a 14 strength. The guy who hit him was probably stronger in the first place, probably had Bulls Strength or something, and his sword was magic. Maybe he had some feats too. Power Attack? Weapon Spec? Hell, it could've been a critical hit. But the player had a very hard time accepting that damage.

What does that tell you? You guys have done an excellent job of analyzing this so far. Have you considered careers in psychology?

I think Janx and a couple of the other posters have it right: the player sees the DM as an enemy or as someone who is out to "screw" him. I'm assuming, from what you've said, that you do NOT have one of those DMs who is out to kill the party off -- such DMs do exist, but I am going to trust that yours is not one of them.

In which case, the problem rests solely with your friend, and he really must figure out how to change his mindset, or I can't see how he's going to last long in your group.

I definitely can believe that you find him to be a good friend, and like being around him. That doesn't mean you have to game with him. In fact, if this keeps up, there's a good chance you'll like him less as a friend than you do now.

(I may be a Dumb Paladin, but my Wisdom is 18. )

The first person who ever left our current group was one of my DM's childhood friends growing up, but he was a horrible player and he basically refused to read the rules or learn how the system worked. He was a goof-off and he made sexual innuendo and offensive jokes the female players in our group began to regularly object to. Before he left the group on his own, the DM admitted to me that he was starting to like his childhood friend a lot less than he had in the past.

Don't start down that road. He's your friend now ... so try and move him past this. If he can't, or won't, divorce him from your group so he can still be your friend after this is all said and done. Resenting your friends is one of the worst things you can do.

I still wish you luck in getting the message to him as to how RPGs work, that dramatic tension is required, and that the DM is not some tool who just want him to have a bad time.

NO good DM wants that.

 

[TarionzCousin]

At some point the kid who eats his own poo stops because he sees that other kids don't do it (and will criticize him for it), or he becomes a hermit and mails out poo-bombs to his enemies. Either way, problem solved.

Quoted for posterity.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

At some point the kid who eats his own poo stops because he sees that other kids don't do it (and will criticize him for it), or he becomes a hermit and mails out poo-bombs to his enemies. Either way, problem solved.

Unless you're the one getting the poo-bombs in the mail from the Poopabomber.

 

[jaerdaph]

Unless you're the one getting the poo-bombs in the mail from the Poopabomber.

I hear The Plumbing Times is going to publish the Poopabomber's Poopafesto.

 

[Holy Bovine]

A good friendship completely transcends what happens at the gaming table. I totally get you.

If the guy is such a good friend he should actually be able to take his friends' feelings into account and not be such an overbearing douche. IMO, YMMV etcetc...

GEEK SOCIAL FALLACY ALERT!

You do not have to game with someone for that person to be your friend.

This seems to be a fairly unpopular idea, but it's really true. If someone is fun outside of D&D but no fun when gaming- or a lot less fun when gaming- the solution is to quit gaming with them while maintaining your friendship in other ways.

I totally agree Jester.

 

[Doctor DM]

UPDATE! (finally)

Well we finally got in another session after "the incident". We hadn't played for a while do to our normal week off and our DM being sick.

Things were good, no problems at all. Great play session.

Granted nothing bad happened to the player. We were actually hugely successful and just absolutely destroyed all our enemies. The "poo bomber player" was whittled down to like 5 HP from 30, but nothing from one major shot or anything. Also some NPCs didn't pay us the reward we were promised, but that's about all that could have been bad. It was pretty much all epic win for our party today.

So basically: He was really good and fun, no complaining at all, but he hasn't had to face any real adversity yet, so we'll see how he is then. I'll keep you posted.

 

[Jon_Dahl]

This reminds me of the DM that taught me how to roleplay, that was in the '01 or '02... He had been playing for about 15 years before this, but he still had a really bad attitude problem. But I love roleplaying, so I always tolerated him, even though he is totally impossible person.

Later on I found other people to game with and I stopped gaming with him. Couple of years ago I tried to DM a game for him, but after one session I told him I can't play with him anymore. I sometimes playtest adventures with him but I otherwise I simply I avoid him.

IMO what makes my situation kind of weird is that normally people would've been turned away from roleplaying if their first session(s) had been with a DM who is a total dick. But in the end I flew away and had my own groups and he has no one to play with.

 

[Incendax]

This reminds me of a player that used to be in my games. He was a very old and dear friend to all of the other players, and he loved to roleplay with us, but whenever he was reduced to less than half his total health he would go into a spiral of depression and take everyone else with him.

It didn't matter if everyone else in the party was perfectly healthy, or if the tactical situation of a battle appeared to be an inevitable victory. The player would begin to sulk and frequently throw in comments about how it did not matter what any player did because 'we're all going to die', or 'we've lost. Give it up guys, we've already lost."

His negative energy would kill the entire room. It was like you hit a switch and he went from a fun guy to hang around with into Private Hudson at his worst.