I play with a mix of real life friends and also separate roll20 guys. Opposite to you, I find it extremely unfair to expect the caster to have any buffing spells at all. The caster decides his spells, that's all there is to it. He might be able to give a melee guy a fly at the right time, but he might not. Melee guy should definintely not depend on it (dispel magic and breaking concentration come to mind for starters). The best solution is for the melee guy to have a bow etc - and use that. Yeah, against flying enemies, the melee guy is going to shine less.... which sounds about right to me.
How often do you meet flying guys anyway? At low to mid levels, not much. At high levels.... well who plays those levels, anyway? (and I guess at high levels, the caster has more slots, so more chance there will be a spare slot for fly... or a magic carpet or other fly item).
When you're fighting dragons in their lairs nearly every combat from about level 8 on, fly becomes an absolutely must.
Hasn't been nearly as bad this time around fighting humanoids and mostly ground-based attackers. I'm happy for it considering I'm the guy playing the melee martial this time (open-handed monk).
Which is another reason I cast fly. What happens when I want to play a melee martial like a barbarian or monk? If I've been telling my buddy to find his own way into battle, he's going to tell me the same thing. I play with the same group every campaign. I will feel the repercussions of doing that. If you're changing groups all the time, you may be ok doing that. If you don't, you don't want that precedent set.
Can you imagine that conversation? "Oh you played a barbarian this time, eh. Remember my greatsword fighter? Remember what you told me? Well, I don't have to tell you how this works then do I?"
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