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D&D 5E Anti-DM Tips (AKA what NOT to do!)

46. Do not curb/interfere with the crazy/suicidal actions taken by PCs. It's not the DM's place to save PCs from themselves.
 
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47. Never ever listen to your players about anything. Instead just remember: it's your game, so as long as you're having fun, it doesn't matter what other people think.
 

...My apologies, I honestly did not realize that the OP meant to limit the thread to satirical posts.

Ah, fair enough. That is a close enough topic that it could fit in either sort of thread. That being said...

48. You are the DM, and are never wrong. If a player notices you are wrong about something, they are wrong, period.
 

49 if a PC dies or is knocked unconscious, prevent the player from rolling a new character or going for pizza; they just have to sit at the table without speaking (IC or OOC).
 


51. When you kill a character, it is appropriate to take a trophy from the player: a finger, an ear, their significant other. Edit to add: Display these trophies proudly each game and explain the history of each one. Note: Don't forget to feed the SOs.
 

49 if a PC dies or is knocked unconscious, prevent the player from rolling a new character or going for pizza; they just have to sit at the table without speaking (IC or OOC).

52. Once the session is over tell them that you don't expect the party to be a place where a new character can be introduced for several more sessions, but that you expect them to keep attending and doing nothing while there.
 

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