Part of the symmetry is.
If men find problematic the way men are being depicted, it is probably a sign that the way women are being depicted is equally problematic.
Two things to remember:
The first is that sexy does not inherently equal little or no clothes. Somebody can be fully clothed and still be oozing sex appeal from the way they move and talk. In fact, excessive amounts of skin being shown in a situation where it isn't appropriate can be a turn-off. At some point, shoving barely covered boobs and butts in my face with little to no context or subtlety just feels cheap and makes me roll my eyes. Whereas if those same characters were rocking a well-fitted suit... whew.
Secondly, the big issue here is objectification, as opposed to sexualization. The two often go hand in hand, but they can be separated from each other by a skilled, mindful, and respectfully horny writer. It's primarily about the level of agency a character has, both from and in-universe perspective and from a metanarrative perspective.
A lot of times, especially in male-oriented media, female characters are written as passive objects as opposed to agents with an active influence on the plot. They're the prize to be won at the end of the advetnure, or the damsel in distress that the hero must rescue along the way, or the tragic death that motivates the hero to keep going in their quest. Their entire existence as fictional characters is directly tied to the protagonist's motivations and desires; their identity outside of their relationship to the protagonist is extremely weak. And in more fanservice-oriented works, the protagonist often serves the role of being a generic and inoffensive stand-in for the audience. Male characters can suffer a similar fate of being reduced to a living and breathing object of desire, but it's not as common, even in female-oriented works, due to just how pervasive the Male Gaze is in our media culture.
Think about the times in movies, TV, video games, etc. that a man is going around with their shirt off. Are they attractive? Yes, but very often in a way that's empowering as opposed to objectifying, and also in a way that they're primarily acting as a power fantasy for straight men. Even at their most vulnerable, they still exude auras of power and control, as opposed to being helpless and "available" for the viewer, as many female characters are presented in media.
Is this perception of power and control a turn-on for many women and gay men? Yes, definitely; something can exist, or even be designed to simultaneously evoke reactions of "that's awesome" and "that's hot" from different parts of the audience. But then we have to ask ourselves: why do men get to be sexy while still holding onto their agency, while sexy women are often reduced to passive objects to be at the mercy of the audience? And more broadly, why do we associate masculinity with agency and proactivity, and femininity with lack of agency and reactivity? It's definitely something conditioned into us by our patriarchical media culture and isn't something we can just instantly turn off in our heads (unless you can, or weren't exposed to this framework while growing up, in which case I envy you).
In short, more assertive women who don't exist solely to serve the whims of the protagonist or of the male cast please.
Don't really know how to cap this off, so I'm just gonna a shoehorn an endorsement for Hades by Supergiant Games here. Play Hades. Seriously, everybody is smokin' hot in that game, and not in a way that's grossly objectifying too.
look as far as I can tell finding men sex makes little sense, it would be like finding an explosive oil drum sexy
Um, what?
Plenty of people find men sexy. Here's two examples of men widely considered "sexy":
Chris Hemsworth
And Jimin from BTS
Chose these pictures based off of the shot composition and general aesthetic appeal as opposed to amount of skin showing (see my above point about how more skin doesn'tautomatically mean sexier), but there's definitely pictures of both of them showing off their abs if you search for them.