I think all these conversations are tantamount to telling people they are having "bad wrong fun" myself because it is the intent of the person perceiving it as much as the artist creating it. In cases like D&D Gygax didn't have racist intent nor did he encode racist tendencies into the work.
I wish it worked that way. People encode all sorts of stuff in their work, including racist and sexist imagery, tropes, and stereotypes. It's usually not intentional. It's thoughtless, unconscious, not considered, chosen out of habit or laziness or not caring or not knowing. But people, especially people most directly affected by it, notice it. I try to believe them when they point it out to me.
And, no, these conversations are not tantamount to telling people they are having "bad wrong fun" -- a phrase I never thought would pass my keyboard, gods forgive me. (I'm speaking for myself here. You said that you hear it differently. I don't understand
why, but I understand that you
do.) These conversations are, maybe, asking you to consider how you're having fun and how that affects other people, to think about how you're spending money and if that aligns with your values, and to think about if you care if how you spend money aligns with your values.
We'd all be better off if we (consumers, game designers, artists, etc.) just paid attention to what we're doing and why, what we're including in our work and why, and what we support either with our arguments on-line or with our money in the marketplace. It's not enough not to have racist (or sexist or heteronormative) intent. Let's actively intend to exclude racist materials in our games.
Please understand that none of this is directed to you specifically. It's a message I give to
myself when I remember to do it.