I’d say you equated the DM denying the player to play a tortle with the DM being a bad host but apparently did not consider the player being a bad guest for choosing a species the DM explicitly did not allow.
A host has greater responsibilities than a guest, no?
Especially when the guests are present at the host's invitation!
It is a rude host that invites friends over for a dinner party and provides only dishes which contain meat, knowing that one of the guests is vegetarian; or dishes which contain pork and pork-derived products (e.g. bacon fat), knowing that one of the guests is Jewish or Muslim. It is a rude host that invites friends to stay the night, and then plays screamer metal until late into the evening, unless they know for certain that every guest they invited enjoys such music. It is a rude host who actively serves and displays alcoholic beverages despite knowing that one of the guests is a recovering alcoholic.
And, likewise, it is a rude host who pointedly
avoids foods without signalling that right from the very start, springing it on guests upon their arrival. If you have a Thanksgiving meal and there is simply no dessert whatsoever, not even a single pumpkin pie, not even the
attempt at a dessert, I would absolutely call that being a bad host. Now, if the guests know you're allergic to pumpkin, whether because you informed them
specifically BEFORE they agreed to attend, then they should expect no pie; if you say you're cutting back on sugars entirely, so you're not serving dessert
and you tell them BEFORE they agreed to attend, then they should expect no dessert and can bug out ASAP.
Once you're at session 0, people have already accepted your invitation and are present at your house. I am quite comfortable asserting that it is
far too late at that point to start telling people that they are somehow horrible awful rude guests because they expected to be able to have dessert after their dinner!
.
