If you can't trust people than you shouldn't play games that require trust (such as mine). If there are styles of games that allow you to overcome your inability to trust, you should play those games. If you find trust is an issue in every game and you are seeking a way to resolve this, I have no answer for you.
I really wish you wouldn't make this so personal. This is literally what I spoke of: you are making me out to be some kind of mentally stunted person who cannot ever trust anyone at all for any reason.
Believe it or not, IRL, I'm actually an
excessively trusting person. That's one of the reasons why I care so much about asking this sort of thing.
I DO get taken advantage of, BECAUSE I am trusting. My natural state of being is one where I take the things people do and say completely at face value, and I've been burned by that several times. Having been burned by it doesn't mean I've stopped--it's about as deeply ingrained in my psyche as anything else about me--but it does mean that I get little alarm bells when I hear certain turns of phrase, see certain behaviors, etc. And one of those behaviors that does that is responding to any and all concerns with "I can't/won't tell you why I'm doing this",
especially when paired with "you just
have to trust me".
I can take your concern seriously, but I can't offer you any solution, because the only one I have is to trust. I wouldn't even know where to begin if I was expected to game without trust, and I wouldn't want to begin anywhere, because I can't imagine it would be much fun.
Again: What do you do in the limbo between 100% perfect unassailable trust (which is what your style apparently demands) and 0% completely failed trust where everything is completely broken?
"We talk about it" doesn't
tell me anything. What do you DO to fix a trust issue? If you're worried your players might be losing their trust in you, what do you do to fix it?
If I had your inability to trust
For the love of God, stop making it personal. You don't know me.
Then play games with your other options
And now I can tell you didn't actually
read what I wrote. Because the "other options" have nothing to do with
other games. They are--as I explicitly said, over and over again in that very paragraph--other options for whether the DM is a perfect saint in whom you should place all your trust, and a perfect devil who couldn't be trusted if bound and gagged in a solitary confinement cell.
But those are your options. My table requires trust, so either you trust or you leave. Not playing at my table is something you've managed you're entire life, so it shouldn't be a problem that you continue to not play at my table.
So...you admit it then? My only choices are meek submission, never actually trying to
fix the problem, or blowing up my participation entirely?
I'm not giving or taking any options from you.
Again you make it personal instead of reading what I wrote. I am talking about THE DM giving and taking WITH THEIR PLAYERS. Seriously, did you actually read what I wrote? Or did you just skim the first sentence of any given paragraph and then reply?
What type of option do you feel I should be giving you, beyond the option to play the games you like, in whatever style you like, with people you are comfortable gaming with, with no interference from me?
I don't know,
things for DMs to do to build and/or rebuild trust? Perhaps strategies for players who are concerned about a thing and don't want to be disruptive, but do want to advocate for themselves, rather than just silently swallowing anything and everything no matter how small nor how large? Ways that trust can be demonstrated in both directions, rather than having it be 100% perfect unassailable trust in the DM and constantly watching players like a hawk for even the slightest bit of questionable behavior?
You do need to accept that I'm going to continue running my games my way
Irrelevant--because, again, not at all what I was talking about.