Let me caveat this with that I am not an expert in BW; I own it and have read it, but not played it. This is just my observations,
@pemerton and
@Old Fezziwig are free to yell at me if I'm way off-base.
I agree with you 100% that there is definitely a different feel to BW, and I can understand where it causes some aesthetic discomfort. And that difference is that you, as a player, do not have full ownership of your character. You share your character with the fiction that is created and imposed during play, often by rolls.
If you have a concept of your character as a badass, and subsequent rolls reveal that when pressed, the character is hesitant and fearful,
the rolls are right and your concept isn't. The point of play is to adapt your concept of the character and subsequent decision making taking into account these revealed truths.
How you accept this truth is up to the player; maybe the character subsequently dedicate themselves to training so they don't freeze in the next hard situation, maybe they cover their insecurity with bluster, or maybe their one-time weakness becomes a more craven streak. Maybe through the course of play they will eventually prove themselves a brave badass, with the moment of weakness being something to overcome. But you as a player don't get to pick
if the character's conception of themselves is true.