1000 Things Your Characters do if They Have Deathwishes

[Hypersmurf]

... your drunk cleric companion begins summoning random animals into the bar to crush the guardsmen (ever seen a Dire Shark summoned in mid-air?).

Given "A creature or object brought into being or transported to your location by a conjuration spell cannot appear floating in an empty space. It must arrive in an open location on a surface capable of supporting it." and "Fiendish dire shark* May be summoned only into an aquatic or watery environment"...?

No

-Hyp.

 

[Smokingmonkee]

200)Play Call of Cthulu
201)Play Cyberpunk 2020

 

[lord_banus]

202) Spend a week pleasuring a sucubus. PC got down to 1 CON and he never did get the smell out of his +1 Scythe.

 

[KenM]

203) In a Sci fi or modern game: "I rolled a 1, do I disarm the mine?"

204) Your elf PC goes into a tarvern in the dwarf quarter of city.

 

[S'mon]

10.Try to go toe to toe with UpperKrust's PC with your 3rd level bard

Since there are no GM-approved 3e stats for Thrin this might be quite easy.

 

[Aeric]

All in the Birthright campaign setting, and all by the same character:

205) As a paladin of Haelyn, spend the night in your temple's confessional booth with an sidhelien of the opposite sex...
206) ...who also happens to be the granddaughter of Rhobhe Manslayer
207) As a paladin of Haelyn, declare a holy war against the High Prelate of Haelyn (to his face, no less!)
208) Challenge the Gorgon to single combat when you're 6th level

Remarkably enough, only the last one actually got him killed.

 

[Feathercircle]

Confront the cranium rat swarm with a CR that's 20 above your level... alone.

Accept help from secretive voices in your head on the vague condition that you will "let yourself be open to their power".
(One of my players has actually done both of these, and somehow not gotten himself killed... yet.)

Give your DM a such a long, detailed pain-filled backhistory of your character that he knows EXACTLY what buttons to push to drive them over the deep end.
(I've managed to do this recently and nothing horriffic has come of it.. yet.)

Uttered in front of a pair of black dragons by someone with more chemistry knowledge than common sense:
"Where's Jort?"
::whispered:: "He went back to town to get some soap."
::mouthed:: "Soap?"
::whispered:: "He says that he thinks he can use it to kill the dragons."
(Amazingly, the dragons didn't QUITE manage to kill him.... )

After having been SPECIFICALLY instructed to quitely wake the party if you see something, failing to do so and instead charge towards a dozen bow-weilding cultists while yelling "KILL THEM!"
(Finally, an act of stupidity I've witnessed that lead to an actual, well-earned fatality. Good riddance.)

Grappel the Dex-20 illithid while trying to spellcast.
(Amusingly enough, I was on the INFLICTING end of that one.)

Stuff I've (not seriously) considered:

Pull up an arcanoloth's robe in order to resolve the debate you and a friend have been having about whether or not they have tails.

If the answer to the above question is "no", attempt to play "Pin the Tail on the 'loth".

Insult Shemeshka's fashion sense and make lewd comments about potential reasons why A'kin doesn't like her.

Shake hands with a fiend while wearing lots of silver jewelry, then laugh at them when they flinch.

Stand up on a soapbox in Sigil and attempt to recite the entirity of the "Dolores" poem.

Attempt to bluff a fully-grown dragon into thinking that you are a dragon, too, only polymorphed.

Mock a paelyrion's fashion sense.

Abandon your DM's adventure hooks and plots that took WEEKS of planning in favor of some good old flumph-tipping.

Give Vlaakith a great, big, postive-energy-charged hug.

Give your DM the Gift of Hamtaro.

 

[Shemeska]

Accept help from secretive voices in your head on the vague condition that you will "let yourself be open to their power".

One of my PCs has more or less done this...

Give your DM a such a long, detailed pain-filled backhistory of your character that he knows EXACTLY what buttons to push to drive them over the deep end.

Did this last week when I spectacularly killed off an NPC who has been there since day 1 of the campaign, two years ago, and is married to one of the PCs. And then the raise attempt failed...

Mistake 1: picking a fight with a Baernaloth
Mistake 2: picking a fight with a Baernaloth named 'The Flesh Sculptor'
Mistake 3: doing so while standing in the middle of Citadel Cavitius while it's under seige by 2 splinter sects of the Doomguard and a Ship of Chaos.

Pull up an arcanoloth's robe in order to resolve the debate you and a friend have been having about whether or not they have tails.

Oh, it's the presence of a 'tail' that they're debating. There's that little 'hermaphrodite' line in 'Faces of Evil' that's gotten more worried consideration from my players, and more snide jokes. And one of the PCs is actually -dating- A'kin...

Insult Shemeshka's fashion sense and make lewd comments about potential reasons why A'kin doesn't like her.

They've done this, oh how they've done this, and she's gotten back at them in some non obvious ways.

Shake hands with a fiend while wearing lots of silver jewelry, then laugh at them when they flinch.

They've done this too, and they habitually pay any fiend in only silver.

A few of my own:

Strike a deal, on your own, with a NE insane member of the Incanterium who has been slowly starving over centuries inside one of the mazes of the The Lady of Pain. Do this when the entire rest of your party strikes a deal with the LE lich who has been in a stalmate with her the past 10 or so centuries.

Sit there and say, "You know... we don't have to fight." as the magic eating sorceress eyes you like a prime rib and casts haste on herself. You don't cast haste to bargain, she wasn't the micro machine man.

 

[AIM-54]

The numbers disappeared...

?) Turn a carefully constructed plot device (massive invading army of doom) into an adventure.

??) Singlehandedly knock the more powerful (in CR terms) draconid off the tower and engage him in single combat (nearly a PK...)

???) Play a broody character whose ideal class is Martyr and goes nuts with "Take the Pain"

????) During the siege resulting from turning said plot device into an adventure, after defeating a pair of white dragons, notice a column of 25 of said powerful draconids coming through a gap in the wall. Gleefully declare "we got this!" and plug the whole with only the party...(so close to a TPK)

 

[VirtualWizard]

209?) Take a mouth full of green slime, just to see what it tastes like.

210?) Play Mechwarrior and get into a firefight. Gee I just got hit what limb/organ did I lose?