Anticipatory Grief

[FitzTheRuke]

Sorry for your loss, @Umbran.

 

[Olgar Shiverstone]

Oh, man, I'm so sorry. Hugs.

 

[Alzrius]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

 

[Eyes of Nine]

So sorry for your loss.

 

[R_J_K75]

It is with a heaviest of hearts that I have to report that we had to say goodbye to our little fluff a little less than an hour ago.

While it seemed that the cancer itself had been beaten back to the point where out of four doctors, none of them could feel it any more, the strain on her little self was just a bit too much. She stopped eating more than the barest nibbles, and was wasting away, having lost about 20% of her body weight, and a significant amount of muscle mass.

One of the things to do when faces with a progressive disease is to note the things that give your animal joy. For her, the biggest one, was being present with us, coming to the sofa, or the bed, and snuggling in and getting tummy rubs. And as of this evening, after the last trip to a clinic to try to get her in a state where she could eat, she just stopped being able to get around well, and her breathing became labored.

So, we took her to one of her favorite places (or bed, where she'd sleep with us all night), and said our final goodbyes, and my wife helped her to pass. We couldn't fix it, but we could end the suffering that was coming for her.

Goodbye Harlequin.

View attachment 425859

So sorry to hear, wishing you and your family the best to get through this tough time.

 

[Morrus]

It is with a heaviest of hearts that I have to report that we had to say goodbye to our little fluff a little less than an hour ago.

I'm so sorry, Umbran.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

I’m so sorry, Umbran.

I wanted to wait to offer condolences to when I was able to clear eyed. Failed my save.

 

[Umbran]

Thank you all for your thoughts. I appreciate them.

So, what else might I mention here? A few thoughts.

First: Some of you may have heard of the Kübler-Ross "Stages of grief" thing. It's pretty bogus. The stages only broadly characterize some common classes of emotions you can see in a grieving person, but individuals don't necessarily go through all of them, nor is there any order they come in, nor are they even mutually exclusive.

Next: There are a lot of things people ask about the death of a pet. Let's lay out some things that are perfectly normal...

It isn't strange to want to be there when your pet passes.
It isn't strange to not want to be there, either - this one is important, as some folks will tell you that it is heartless, or a sign of weakness, or that it proves you don't love your pet, that it passes feeling alone and unloved. None of that is true.

It isn't strange to want your pet to pass at home. It isn't strange to not want that either.
It isn't strange to want to bury your pet at home, though there are some legal and practical hurdles to doing so in most places.
It isn't strange to want your pet cremated, and to keep the ashes.
It isn't strange to not want those ashes, either.
It isn't strange to want a lock of your pet's fur. Or a pawprint, or a nose-print.
It isn't strange to want to say a few words, or not say a few words, or to have a major ceremony, or not...

You may see a pattern here. You have to go a ways before you hit "weird", and you have to go a long way before you get to "unhealthy". Most of the time, the things you want are fine. But as a society, we don't talk much abut such things, and so I say this to make it clear.