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Bad news
- Thread starter Ferret
- Start date
Jesus_marley
First Post
knock her up and get her on the Dole..... Just kidding....
Seriously, just be there for her. If you can, help her with the resume and maybe assist her with a job search. as for the housing aspect..... if she is OK where she is, let that stand until she has rent money and help her find a new place. Other than that, I don't know.
Seriously, just be there for her. If you can, help her with the resume and maybe assist her with a job search. as for the housing aspect..... if she is OK where she is, let that stand until she has rent money and help her find a new place. Other than that, I don't know.
She was locked out of the house by her mother?
OK,, first bit of advice - absolutely do not go anywhere near that issue.
We're talking freaky psychological stuff there.
Second - she's your girlfriend. Why didn't she turn up immediately at your home, and why isn't she now staying there?
OK,, first bit of advice - absolutely do not go anywhere near that issue.
We're talking freaky psychological stuff there.
Second - she's your girlfriend. Why didn't she turn up immediately at your home, and why isn't she now staying there?
Aurora
First Post
How close are you and said girlfriend? I guess that really will weigh the decision of what you should do. I know my (now husband) lost his job when we were dating and I ended up giving him around $600 to pay bills/rent etc, but we were pretty much engaged at that point. If you aren't that close, and you don't feel comfortable doing that then there isn't a whole heck of a lot you can do except maybe help feed the poor girl. I agree that you probably shouldn't get involved with the whole mom thing. The fact that her mom would kick her out because she lost her job sends up red flags to me.
Ferret
Explorer
To put things into perspective I'm 17 and she is 19, we are both still in full time education, and she is called Stacey.
She is waiting for her record to change the reason of her leaving from Gross misconduct to quiting from her own choice, before she applies unfortunately this will take a few weeks. I won't go into detail but she was fired unfairly and appealed.
She isn't ok where she is, her friend is at Uni (third year) and with that her friend can't keep her friend there without payment, and she can't give her friend any money. She didn't turn up at my house because 1) she thought her mum would check/phone there first and originally she didn't want anyone to know about her having been kicked out. 2) I live with my parents, and she could stay there without there permision. I have talked with my parents and they've agreed to put her up for a week, but no more.
I think the money thing with her mum was partially her fault, she did spend money on things she shouldn't, but at the same time her mum was doing the same. Her mum isn't very mature and was 19 when she had Stacey so I don't think she has matured. She hasn't had a good set of relationships, as she has had children by three different fathers, but all in a pretty much legit relationship AFAIK. To the best of my knowlege she is persuing a relationship with someone from africa. Now that could be ok, but she is acting as though she is 15 calling it true love etc. She spends all day (from about 10 in the morning to at least 2 or three in the morning, although at times she has been on till 6 in the morning), so she isn't the most responsible adult I know.
I would have said me and Stacey are close, although we have only been going out for six months. If I could support her I would bring her in but I don't earn enough and don't want to be her crutch. That said she isn't the most 'stable' person, as she suffers from mild depression, anxiety and OCD, nor is she that...world-wise. So she doesn't know how processes like applying for benefits work, and stuff so I've tried to help with that.
I also feel quite anxious about how this will turn out. I don't want my GF ending up on the street, but I can't imagine her having to live with me....not yet anyway.
She is waiting for her record to change the reason of her leaving from Gross misconduct to quiting from her own choice, before she applies unfortunately this will take a few weeks. I won't go into detail but she was fired unfairly and appealed.
She isn't ok where she is, her friend is at Uni (third year) and with that her friend can't keep her friend there without payment, and she can't give her friend any money. She didn't turn up at my house because 1) she thought her mum would check/phone there first and originally she didn't want anyone to know about her having been kicked out. 2) I live with my parents, and she could stay there without there permision. I have talked with my parents and they've agreed to put her up for a week, but no more.
I think the money thing with her mum was partially her fault, she did spend money on things she shouldn't, but at the same time her mum was doing the same. Her mum isn't very mature and was 19 when she had Stacey so I don't think she has matured. She hasn't had a good set of relationships, as she has had children by three different fathers, but all in a pretty much legit relationship AFAIK. To the best of my knowlege she is persuing a relationship with someone from africa. Now that could be ok, but she is acting as though she is 15 calling it true love etc. She spends all day (from about 10 in the morning to at least 2 or three in the morning, although at times she has been on till 6 in the morning), so she isn't the most responsible adult I know.
I would have said me and Stacey are close, although we have only been going out for six months. If I could support her I would bring her in but I don't earn enough and don't want to be her crutch. That said she isn't the most 'stable' person, as she suffers from mild depression, anxiety and OCD, nor is she that...world-wise. So she doesn't know how processes like applying for benefits work, and stuff so I've tried to help with that.
I also feel quite anxious about how this will turn out. I don't want my GF ending up on the street, but I can't imagine her having to live with me....not yet anyway.
I'm about to give you some very heartless advice...
Red flags buddy. RED FLAGS!!! Depression, anxiety, OCD, homeless, jobless.... that's not a healthy hand of cards to play. This is a situation where you can do some good to help, but you can also set yourself up for a lot of trouble.
You are 17 -- and have a long life ahead of you. Don't confuse 'girlfriend' with 'eternal love' at the age of 17. Do everything you can to help her, but trust your parents when they say "One week." in your house. This can quickly go from a girlfriend who needs some help while she gets back on her feet to a Judge Judy episode...
My suggestion, be there to help her get on her feet. That's your job as the boyfriend. Support her, care about her, help her through the hard times she's in -- but if she fails to make some changes and help herself out of the situation (and leans only on you), you need to draw a line in the sand at some point and walk away. You are just 17 and there are more women in your future; don't send the ship down trying to save her if she won't help herself. Be ready to firmly walk away at some point.
For the sake of complete understanding, my wife is manic (depressive) and yet we've had a happy marriage for over a decade. I'm not saying :"Run away from the psycho!!!" but I am cautioning that you are just 17 and she's your girlfriend. I was 22 when I met my future wife, and 24 when we married... so I'd seen a bit of the world, and my share of girlfriends before finding the one I'd marry. The depression didn't matter because we were both mature enough to see it for what it was and work with it as a team.
Be there for your girlfriend, help her through the hard time, but know when to walk away (when she refuses to help herself, and starts to drag you down). I'm not saying it will happen but you need to be cautioned that it can happen and make sure you don't screw up your life in the process!
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