Booting a player from your group

[LordAO]

Booting should always be a last resort. If you have a problem with someone, try talking to them. Calmly and rationally explain your position. Be careful not to take an accusatory tone. Often times, the person doesn't realize they're doing anything wrong. I've had problems a few times with people I've gamed with. Fortunately I had the maturity to talk to them about it and they had the maturity to honestly try and improve. Some people are too immature for this, but if they are they probably shouldn't be gaming anyway.

 

[Flexor the Mighty!]

I only game with good friends, and all my good friends are more important than my D&D so it's never been an issue. The best thing about gaming is getting around the table with good buddies. If somehow the game wasn't working out I'd cancel the whole thing and start over with a different game or something.

 

[Ulrick]

I only game with good friends, and all my good friends are more important than my D&D so it's never been an issue. The best thing about gaming is getting around the table with good buddies. If somehow the game wasn't working out I'd cancel the whole thing and start over with a different game or something.

That's the best kind of group to be in.

You are blessed.

 

[sleepyvoicednarrator]

I am in a similar situation myself. And I must admit it has been for more difficult to deal with than I had expected. The player in question just does not click with the rest of the group. He is far too "into" the game for the rest of us, yet also has no problem cheating (no thanks to the DMG suggestions for speeding up play, this player took the "roll dice in advance" bit wrongly, he rolls over and over until he gets the result he wants, all before his turn of course). He is someone we all get a long with in general, however none of us are really close. We have brought up the in-game problems directly with him, and there has been some improvement, but then new issues arise. One of the main difficulties is that all of my players are students in the same grad program. While not as much a problem for me, they all have to interact quite closely on a daily basis. We all know this person would be terribly hurt if we asked him not to come anymore. Our current arrangement is that we play with him every other week, and on the off weeks we usually put together a pick-up game. While not entirely honest, and we all feel a little guilty about it, it has made gaming enjoyable for the rest of us again. It is almost as if he was too much for weekly sessions, but biweekly was a better "serving size" for the rest of us. It is an ongoing issue, and not at all well handled. I would recommend a clean break if you can get away with it and live with the results in non-game settings. Good luck.

 

[Sanackranib]

booting

My old group broke up over differences on how the game should be run. they were all friends and some still game togather. I'm not part of that game anymore because I value the friendship more then the game. Since then I have put togather a new group and the chemestry is much better, there are a lot of players out there and a lot of groups. Live is too short to play with a group that has unnessicary friction in it between members, weither they are friends or not.

 

[Sanackranib]

booting . . .

I am in a similar situation myself. And I must admit it has been for more difficult to deal with than I had expected. The player in question just does not click with the rest of the group. He is far too "into" the game for the rest of us, yet also has no problem cheating (no thanks to the DMG suggestions for speeding up play, this player took the "roll dice in advance" bit wrongly, he rolls over and over until he gets the result he wants, all before his turn of course). He is someone we all get a long with in general, however none of us are really close. We have brought up the in-game problems directly with him, and there has been some improvement, but then new issues arise. One of the main difficulties is that all of my players are students in the same grad program. While not as much a problem for me, they all have to interact quite closely on a daily basis. We all know this person would be terribly hurt if we asked him not to come anymore. Our current arrangement is that we play with him every other week, and on the off weeks we usually put together a pick-up game. While not entirely honest, and we all feel a little guilty about it, it has made gaming enjoyable for the rest of us again. It is almost as if he was too much for weekly sessions, but biweekly was a better "serving size" for the rest of us. It is an ongoing issue, and not at all well handled. I would recommend a clean break if you can get away with it and live with the results in non-game settings. Good luck.

As the Dm (I assume its you frome the way that you posted) it falls to you to set the tone for the game. Personally I don't care how many times the player rolls, not one roll counts until I as the DM tell the player to roll anyway and there is no "saving" rolls. If it's an issue then tell him how you all feel and what you would like to see change. tell him he is a valued player and you just want the game to run more smoothly and cause less friction between players - afterall everyone is there to have fun.

 

[Digital_DM]

I think it’s a safe assumption that you can't always work through problems with players. There are just some personalities that clash.

I think the best route to take when a player is disruptive to the group is to call that person aside after the game and talk to them about how the group plays and works together and how they played. I'm guilty of not practicing what I teach so take this for what its worth.

My group consists of a bunch of friends that value having a life before D&D. We all have a common interest and enjoy role-playing whenever we can. When we started looking for a fifth person we had a couple gamers come out a meet the group We told them how the group plays, teamwork and fun above all else. The first gamer was a lone wolf type player who was given every opportunity to help out and join the main group but opted not to and pursue his own agenda. Things were not working out and we knew it. We asked him to leave and told him things weren't working out and he understood. He mentioned that most of the groups he played with were cut throat and this was his gaming style. He took it like an adult and respected our decision; we still remain friends to this day.

The next person to try out for a spot had played D&D from the original boxed set to 3rd edition. He ran a fairly well known D&D website and primarily ran games as the DM, not as a player. Apparently being in the DM chair too long, he was confrontational and domineering. This isn't to say he wouldn't have worked out, just that at the cost of a well-established D&D group, well, I would side with them. If I were to join a D&D game I would try to make a good impression on folks by working with them and not against them.
Things came unglued real quick, tempers flared; I saw a yearlong campaign going down the drain. My daughter was sick, it was a Calgone take me away moment. At that point I called the game and told everyone to leave.
I spoke to each one of the members of the group and we came to a decision to redo some key moments in the game, hold off bringing someone new into the game for a couple weeks and when things cooled down we would contact the new player and have him re-join us.
I compiled an e-mail regarding the game, asked that we hold off for a while, gave him the reasons for letting the group get through a key situation in the campaign before they added an additional player. Now granted I should have called him but I was in an awkward position and really didn't want to add fuel to the already hot tempers.

Needless to say the new player took our decision in the worst way possible. He flamed the group with a very nasty and threatening e-mail, claimed he needed to game with us because of his life at that time.

This whole situation, to this day, still makes me want to disassociate myself with gaming. Thankfully I have a great bunch of friends who don't act this way and if we're clickish than so be it. Gaming is for fun and if someone is disrupting your fun you don't play with that person, simple enough.

I wish you the best of luck with your situation and hope your problem gamer doesn’t act like the one from my group. There's more to life than gaming, it’s about enjoying your time with good friends and family.

Digital

 

[Sanackranib]

boot . . .

I think it’s a safe assumption that you can't always work through problems with players. There are just some personalities that clash.

I think the best route to take when a player is disruptive to the group is to call that person aside after the game and talk to them about how the group plays and works together and how they played. I'm guilty of not practicing what I teach so take this for what its worth.

My group consists of a bunch of friends that value having a life before D&D. We all have a common interest and enjoy role-playing whenever we can. When we started looking for a fifth person we had a couple gamers come out a meet the group We told them how the group plays, teamwork and fun above all else. The first gamer was a lone wolf type player who was given every opportunity to help out and join the main group but opted not to and pursue his own agenda. Things were not working out and we knew it. We asked him to leave and told him things weren't working out and he understood. He mentioned that most of the groups he played with were cut throat and this was his gaming style. He took it like an adult and respected our decision; we still remain friends to this day.

The next person to try out for a spot had played D&D from the original boxed set to 3rd edition. He ran a fairly well known D&D website and primarily ran games as the DM, not as a player. Apparently being in the DM chair too long, he was confrontational and domineering. This isn't to say he wouldn't have worked out, just that at the cost of a well-established D&D group, well, I would side with them. If I were to join a D&D game I would try to make a good impression on folks by working with them and not against them.
Things came unglued real quick, tempers flared; I saw a yearlong campaign going down the drain. My daughter was sick, it was a Calgone take me away moment. At that point I called the game and told everyone to leave.
I spoke to each one of the members of the group and we came to a decision to redo some key moments in the game, hold off bringing someone new into the game for a couple weeks and when things cooled down we would contact the new player and have him re-join us.
I compiled an e-mail regarding the game, asked that we hold off for a while, gave him the reasons for letting the group get through a key situation in the campaign before they added an additional player. Now granted I should have called him but I was in an awkward position and really didn't want to add fuel to the already hot tempers.

Needless to say the new player took our decision in the worst way possible. He flamed the group with a very nasty and threatening e-mail, claimed he needed to game with us because of his life at that time.

This whole situation, to this day, still makes me want to disassociate myself with gaming. Thankfully I have a great bunch of friends who don't act this way and if we're clickish than so be it. Gaming is for fun and if someone is disrupting your fun you don't play with that person, simple enough.

I wish you the best of luck with your situation and hope your problem gamer doesn’t act like the one from my group. There's more to life than gaming, it’s about enjoying your time with good friends and family.

Digital

I can sympathize man. I too have been in the "Big" chair way too long. it honestly does effect you as a player, because everyone want to "play in their own game". by that I mean that they want to play in a game run how they would run it with their interpertation of the rules. It's not done out of malice, it's just done. That just inherently causes friction, my "answer" as it were was to form an entirely new group and run the game. this group has great chemestry and is working well and for the first time in years I'm having a lot of fun as a DM and I'm looking forward to running as much as my 3 players are to playing. Eventulaly I'm sure that one of the others will take over but I see this campaign going at least a year or 2. its all about chemestry. I think its good to game with differnt people so you can "recharge" the desire.

 

[sleepyvoicednarrator]

Sanackranib - I couldn't agree more. I am, in fact, the DM of this particular game. My whole group is pretty much new to D&D and we all joked around with practice rolls, and it took a while for us to realize that he was "saving rolls". When this came up I made it clear that "It's just a game and all, but it is more fun when no one cheats". He has stopped saving rolls, we just realized that that was just a symptom of his playing style. We have talked to him several times about the situation, and he gets very defensive. He does improve somewhat every time though. We don't have the heart to outright kick him out as it seems this is really his only social outlet, and none of us wants to hurt his feelings. We have been concentrating on making the game fun for the rest of us, and letting him know he is welcome to play with us as long as he does not keep the game from being fun. It is a work in progress, and I admit we have made a lot of mistakes, hopefully we can resolve it without ultimately "booting" anyone.

 

[Sanackranib]

mistakes . . .

Don't make the same mistake I did. Its not up to you to make this guy a better player (that may sound harsh but it's true). Listen to your other players, if anyone of them has seriuos issues (as opposed to minor issues with this guy) cut your losses. I didn't in a pervious game and it cost me one of the best players I have ever had the pleasure of gaming at the same table with.