calling all GMs - advice on handling a selfish player

[Storm Raven]

I don't think this is a "sticky situation" at all. The actual solution is quite simple, you just don't want to face it. You can't game with this guy. He's ruining your fun and everyone else's by whining and throwing temper tantrums. In the normal course of life we call this behaviour "unacceptable". There is no reason for this to be different at the gaming table.

But you don't want to face this. You want someone to come up with some other solution that will "fix" him, so he will be a good gamer, so that you can continue to game with him and avoid the family/social fall out that will happen when you tell him to improve his behaviour or hit the road. It won't happen. By your accounts, he is "unfixable".

You have to decide - is running this game with this group worth the headache he puts you through? I wouldn't put up with it, but I'm not you. I don't put up with a lot of things.

 

[Krafus]

Like others, my advice would be to give the player the boot. Explain to his family members that you're simply not having fun when this player is at the table. If you're not having fun, then what's the point? And if they protest, offer to let one of them (not the jerk) take over DMing duties.

However, it sounds like you're unwilling to boot the player. So, stop the game. All the troubles of DMing aren't worth it when you know that jerk will ruin your fun.

 

[Dingleberry]

Make the suggestion, and when he says that he doesn't know the rules well enough, point out to him that if he doesn't know the rules well enough to DM, then he may not know the rules well enough to argue against your rulings when you are DMing.

Seconded. And you don't even need to offer him the big chair to use this logic - just don't accept rules arguments from him that aren't rules-based.

 

[Argonel]

I'm afraid I can't be very constructive, but from experianece it is going to boil down to two choices. 1. Continue playing with him and develop an ulcer from the stress of dealing with him. 2. Remove him from the game and deal with the family fallout.

From what I get out of your description the family fallout could be kinda nasty but I would still suggest that it would be the way to go. People would be unhappy with you for excluding him, but unless D&D is the only reason you keep getting together they will eventually get over it. In the short term it will be a lot more painfull, but in the long term you will probably be happier to not compromise your principles.

As noted earlier in the thread there probably isn't any way you can keep yourself happy and keep the family happy. I would hope that everyone can understand that not wanting someone in a game is different from not wanting them around.

 

[TheAuldGrump]

A varient on the Bad Karma dice from 7th Sea - if any player (not just the problem player) causes difficulties give them a black marker. Each black marker is -1 penalty cumulative on all rolls by that player.

I would suggest using it on another player first so that the problem player does not feel singled out.

The markers can be removed one of two ways - the DM simply saying 'you fail' before the dice are rolled, and removes one of the markers. Or the player earns them off by acting like a reasonable human being.

Give out white markers that can be spent to increase die rolls by 1d6 or so to reward good behavior as well, if you think that it will work.

The Auld Grump

 

[evilbob]

I'm sorry, well intentioned advice, but I would never tolerate a +2 whining bonus at any game I'm playing in, much less running.

I completely agree. That's rewarding the wrong kind of behavior.

... You want someone to come up with some other solution that will "fix" him...

Like others, my advice would be to give the player the boot...

For the folks who have come in a little late, I just wanted to re-clarify a few things. First, I know that I will never change this player's behavior or personality. He is a grown-up now; besides that, it's not my place.

Also, I am not going to excercise the "boot" option. It has negative consequences far beyond the game that I am not willing to accept. Giving more detail in that arena is not really necessary, other than to say that unless the guy actually hit me or something patently insane, I'd never go that far. I appologize if my original post was misleading in that area or left "wiggle room," but the long and short of it is that he will stay.


This said, please don't think that I haven't gotten some good advice. Some folks have offered excellent suggestions that I am already planning on incorporating into the next game that I have to play with him. (Continuing to schedule games he has to miss is still a decent option as well.) If anyone is interested I can post my plan of attack, but if you've read the entire thread it won't be anything new. Generally I know that I need to contain this issue and be more strong-handed and swift when dealing with this player. I think I will be able to do this and bring some more enjoyment back into the game for everyone.

Thanks again!

 

[Barendd Nobeard]

Excellent suggestion; this is actually one thing that I have been slowly working on for a little while. I'm trying to very, very slowly change his mindset about how the game works, and help him understand that instead of telling me exactly how he tied the rope, he should just roll the die.

Cut him off as soon as the detailed description starts. "Just roll the dice, please."

If he persists, let him keep talking for six seconds. Then cut him off and go to the next person in initiative. When you get back to him, give him another six seconds.

If he refuses to stop talking, time his monologue. During the time he talks, stuff will happen. In combat, X rounds will occur while his character talks (X = S/6 where S is the number of seconds his monologue lasts). Out of combat, other stuff will happen (like the guard asking if someone's been robbed, a thief may try to pick his pocket, etc.). PCs don't operate in a vacuum; stop happens when they take a while to accomplish a task....

 

[Barendd Nobeard]

Also, I am not going to excercise the "boot" option. It has negative consequences far beyond the game that I am not willing to accept. Giving more detail in that arena is not really necessary, other than to say that unless the guy actually hit me or something patently insane, I'd never go that far. I appologize if my original post was misleading in that area or left "wiggle room," but the long and short of it is that he will stay.

Is this the only game you run? Even if it is:

Stop running it. And if anyone asks why, tell them that the constant rules arguments destroyed your fun.

See the link to JoeGKushner's quotation, in my .sig, right above this post.

(Continuing to schedule games he has to miss is still a decent option as well.)

No, it's not. He'll just find out, and demand to know why you're playing when you know he can't make it.

 

[Crothian]

Make him quit. Have bad guys attack him mor ethen the others. Run adventures the others will enjoy but he not so much. Make plots the involve the other players but not him. Schedule games when he can't make it. Passive aggresive is the way to go here.