calling all GMs - advice on handling a selfish player

[Shayuri]

Dang.

All I can suggest is Stick to the Book.

Have little stickies poking out the top, stuck to major trouble areas like AoO's, grapples, jumping distance calculations, etc...

When he starts launching into a big spiel, roll the dice FOR him if need be. Then tell him the result. If he starts complaining, open the PHB to the relevant section (hence the stickies) and show him the rules. If it's not in the book, it doesn't fly. Maybe HE knows how to make a knot that would work, but his character obviously messed it up somehow. That's what skill ranks and die rolling MEAN.

If you can get him to accept the ascendency of rules over reality, in this limited setting, you'll have won a significant battle. And sticking to the book, I think, might help. For one, it'll eventually make him realize that he CAN exert power over this phenomenon...and that's what all this over-defining is all about. It's a power play. It's him making sure he's in complete control of his environment. If he knows you Stick to the Book, then he'll go buy the Book, so he can out-Stick you.

Of course, that might only change the nature of the problem...but at least then his arguments will become -predictable-.

 

[WhimsyTheFae]

I would also start by sticking with the RAW. Remind him and everyone, that this is a game and that it does not perfectly simulate life. The rules are a framework for the group to play and have fun in an organized manner.

You have probably done so already, but reminding him of a couple things when he becomes argumentative is important:

1. It's a game and rolling the dice is how the game was built to simulate the chance of failing at a given act (we don't always get things right the first time in real life).

2. If there is time, feel free to take 10 or take 20 and not use the dice (this is in essence what you are doing when you tie that knot in real life).

3. If you had an owlbear (or whatever adversary) charging you, you may also fumble a bit in your efforts.

4. If you put enough skill points in the skills that you desire, then you will reduce your chance of failure in these situations.

5. (I know that you said you didn't want to do this, but...) I am the DM and that is my decision. In order to keep the game running smoothly, I am going to have to side with the rules and while it is unfortunate that you failed that check, we should continue. If you would like, make a note and we can discuss your thoughts on that after the game...

Sorry if that doesn't help, but that is all that I can think of (and I have a 15 year old daughter who has continuously brought games sessions to crashing halts due to her attitude...it doesn't always work)...

 

[The Lost Muse]

Have the BBEG kill him and take his stuff. Works in my games.

Someone beat me to it. It's unfortunate that he's acting in such a fashion; however if you're playing D&D 3.x, I'd simply take him aside and say something like, for all the detailed description of precisely how you are doing something the rules say I can give a +2 bonus (and show said section). This way, he knows he can describe with precise detail whatever action he wishes to take, knowing that he will get a +2 at most as a bonus to his roll.

 

[Kilmore]

You can't play D&D with this guy, plain and simple. I doubt very many of us could. I would simply let the members of this group know that you are tired of wrestling around with this problem player and you are having no fun at all when he's involved. And if you're not having fun, there's no point in continuing. Therefore it is you or him. Then I'd be prepared to find a new group. Of course, you don't want to do this. But it may be what you need to do.

 

[Kilmore]

Someone beat me to it. It's unfortunate that he's acting in such a fashion; however if you're playing D&D 3.x, I'd simply take him aside and say something like, for all the detailed description of precisely how you are doing something the rules say I can give a +2 bonus (and show said section). This way, he knows he can describe with precise detail whatever action he wishes to take, knowing that he will get a +2 at most as a bonus to his roll.

I'm sorry, well intentioned advice, but I would never tolerate a +2 whining bonus at any game I'm playing in, much less running.

 

[MadMaxim]

To be honest this thread sounds like the only thing we can tell you is "our condolances" for having to give into his childish antics and appease him however you have to, and suck it up I guess.

How old is this guy? If you can't even talk to him then I don't know what to say really. Tell him nobody is having fun if that is the case, and there is no point in playing the game if there isn't any fun. I found out long ago that no D&D is better than "unfun" D&D.

I'd have booted my own family members of lesser behavior to be honest. Do what you have to though. Good luck with it.

I agree with Flexor. You're in an extremely sticky situation, but I cannot believe you keep coming back when you have to put up with his behavior. I'd drop him immediately, because somebody obviously has to show him that you're not willing to take any more of his **** at the table. The way I see it that's the only way to solve the problem between your principles and this seemingly trouble-causing family member. I hope you can work it out one way or another.

 

[Tewligan]

Well, from what you say, it sounds like nothing's going to work. Unless you kick him out, you're stuck with a dick ruining the game for everyone else.

 

[the Jester]

Hmm, you won't give him the boot and you don't expect him to change.

That sounds like you're asking for commisseration more than you are for solutions.

Honestly, if he can't play by the rules then stop running that game. If others ask why, gently explain that "it didn't seem like things were working out. To make one person have fun, I had to be unfair."

Meanwhile find another group. :\

I know this sounds unhelpful, but through the prism of my gaming experience- which has never included anything as personal as your situation sounds- I don't think you can fix the problem without either sacrificing your 'gaming principles' (and I'd rather quit gaming, personally) or changing some long-rewarded behaviors of the player in question (and his family), and I don't see that as very likely.

 

[diaglo]

looks like you are stuck.

he's wanting to play a different game than you are running. he wants to describe details of things he knows b/c of his upbringing and background in the real world and disregard the fantasy element his character faces. when you tell him the PCs reality, he doesn't want to accept it. so he doesn't want you to be the referee unless it suits him.

rules don't work like that in the real world so why should they in the game.


i want to drive 100 mph on the open road with no one else around... but guess what i can't. and if i tell the officer i don't want to listen to his rules.... well you know the story.

 

[Dryfus]

Complete and total disaster, guarenteed! (Seriously, though: either a) he'd do it, and it would be worse, or b) he'd shuf off that on "I don't know the rules well enough," and absolve himself of responsibility there.)

Make the suggestion, and when he says that he doesn't know the rules well enough, point out to him that if he doesn't know the rules well enough to DM, then he may not know the rules well enough to argue against your rulings when you are DMing.