Campaign quotes

[MEG Hal]

That's a really stunning feat of naivete.

I had that feat until about my third year in college.



One from our recent adventures:
We are dealing with a female mage with a red arm that looks like glass, me being the frisky ADD thief I mumble "can I touch it?" but make sure it was not heard our 60+ year old cleric asks in all seriousness if he could touch her arm and I alsmost peed in my pants. She siad no BTW.

So now when we want to sat something stupid we say "can I touch it?"

another one was me as a bard, Caltros the Witty, a blind apple salesmen who is dirtpoor is selling apples but all they are are cores (someone ate them) and I felt bad but all I had was gold...we would get robbed a lot in this campaign so never had a lot of money and I asked the blind apple salemen if he had change for a gold...mopheus laughs every time he thinks of that story. I just wince

More as I think of 'em.

 

[Morpheus]

another one was me as a bard, Caltros the Witty, a blind apple salesmen who is dirtpoor is selling apples but all they are are cores (someone ate them) and I felt bad but all I had was gold...we would get robbed a lot in this campaign so never had a lot of money and I asked the blind apple salemen if he had change for a gold...morpheus laughs every time he thinks of that story. I just wince

More as I think of 'em.

Here I am...

 

[just__al]

Player 1 (A ranger of questionable integrity): Where is the shady part of town?

Player 2: A 20 foot radius centered on you.

 

[MEG Hal]

Here I am...

So Mr. Morpheus what are some quotes you remember?

 

[neoweasel]

Lawyer PC: “When you become a rich noblewoman, you have to learn about Slander Law. And how to abuse it.”

Player: " Oh. In that case I want to overreact differently.

DM: "The Pealiss family... Well THERE'S an unfortunate name."

NPC: "Halcyon lends our rebellion it's teeth. Unfortunate, they stick out at such odd angles."

 

[The Forsaken One]

Player #1: What does the sign say?
Player #2: Don't know, Rashak can you read it?
Player #3: Let me see. *concentrates* ah yes now I can see it.
*rolls spot and looks at DM*

Party: Well what does it say?

DM: "Rent'a'Lich"

 

[ichabod]

Ichabod's Favorite Gaming Quotes
--------------------------------

The Best of the Best

You're saying you're NOT crazy because you DO hear voices?
We haven't committed genocide YET. We missed one.
I jump off the building. (pause) How high up is it?
I cast location. How far away is it? 40 feet ... 35 feet ... 30 feet ...
I am NOT getting a slug as a familiar!
While he's got the guards distracted, something crawls out of my pants leg.
Don't think of it as looting dead people. Think of it as archaeology.
But what if it's undead fecal matter?
Sometimes I like to go into the shower, turn on scalding hot water, bang my head agains the faucets, and do calculus. Other times I like to make Rolemaster characters.
You kill the toy soldier. I'll cover you.
Surrender or Die! (character passes out)
1: Maybe we should go out and try to kill them all. 2: We could try to talk to them. 1: Oh, yeah, that's what I meant.
I can't lie for all of us.
I'm just a snake man, I have no external genetalia, what do I know?
Oh, might things that can hurt us, please don't.
I critically grapple his ass.
We'd like one plot, no mist please.
The best is if they split up, because we can take 125 of them.
We haven't done anything evil lately.
Going back to when we were completely clueless ...
To the south. Your other south.
Is there anything we can do to inhibit psychic powers, like put a helmet on her or wrap her head in molten lead or something?
He was just trolling for plot points and found one.
How much trouble would we be in if we weren't good?
1: So we pissed off the Thief's Guild, we pissed off the Wizard's Guild... 2: We're still memebers of the library in good standing.
Like a little drow baloon.
Follow me -Invisible character
We're only temporarily killing him.
The world does not revolve around you, it's just sort of bouncing towards you.
Is there any chaotic stupid alignment?
Polymorph want a cracker?
Yuan-ti ho-ti
Poor defenseless demon baby.
Leave no die unrolled.
Ah, the strong maternal instincts of evil dragons.
1: Hey, worst case scenario we end up in Heaven. 2: Only in a campaign run by Craig O'Brien would that be a worst case scenario.
Abyssal: the standard language for all contracts.
What's his name ... me ...
I put a Mark of Justice on his ass.
It's an adamantium cube, hidden in a trapped temple, on an island of death. Does this scream don't with me to anyone else?
How did I walk back into a conversation about cup size tripple I?
I hadn't statted this guy out because I didn't think you'd provoke him that much.

All my all time favorite gaming quote, sung to the tune of Barney's 'I love you': I love you, you love me, now I'm bleeding in the street; a shotgun blast took off my head, gosh it sucks, now I'm dead.

 

[ThirdWizard]

Paraphrased, but still good:

"Illithids infused with the power of Mechanus? So they're some kind of Lawflayers?" (rogue upon hearing about the town leaders)

Player: "Do people ever randomly come up missing in this town?"
NPC: "Why yes they do!" (same rogue in the same town)

"Note to self: come back and kill mindflayers." (rogue later that day)

"I'm going to hit on the enemy wizard I just magically trapped. I know Ignan! Does speaking that increase her attitude toward me?" (she was a fire genasi)

DM: "The kid pulls out two weapons and tries to fight you when cornered. It's obvious he doesn't have any experience with them" *rolls double criticals* "Um... he gets lucky and does..." *rolls more dice* "... 14 damage."
PC: "I'm dead."
DM: "Oops."

"I try to start a rousing discussion on the newest farming techniques." (Druid at a high society party)

"I magic missle the darkness!" (said by any player anywhere whenever there is darkness... you know where its from hopefully)

Player: "Okay, I'll attack from the right, you go in from the left."
NPC: "We could try talking to him..."
Player: "Oh right... I always forget about that option."

*Angry player rips up his character sheet and leaves*
Player1: "..."
Player2: "..."
Player3: "..."
Player4: "..."
DM: Um... his character falls over dead of a heart attack...
Player1: "..."
Player2: "..."
Player3: "..."
Player4: "I get his boots!!"

 

[Wraith Form]

(Huge humanoid forms closing on the party)
Player 1: Are they giants?
DM: They Might Be.

(* Wipes tears away speechlessly *)

 

[Steve Jung]

Paraphrased, but still good:
/snip/
DM: "The kid pulls out two weapons and tries to fight you when cornered. It's obvious he doesn't have any experience with them" *rolls double criticals* "Um... he gets lucky and does..." *rolls more dice* "... 14 damage."
PC: "I'm dead."
DM: "Oops."
/snip/

I love this one.