Campaign quotes

[DevoutlyApathetic]

From last weeks session, we were having a conversation with a weird guardian creature who was content with the fact we'd be fighting in a minute...

Rogue: "So, you're a nice thing, if we happen to win do you want anything done? Like burial rituals?"

Thing: "..........My race doesn't have burial rituals."

Rogue: "Would you like some?"

 

[Thengil]

We're playing Aeon Trinity and the team is on the Moon and are chasing the bad guy who hijacks a lunar vehicle and tries to escape. The team steals another vehicle and I (the DM) try to describe the exciting chase. Half-way through my exciting description, one of the players say:

Player 1: "This is great! I push the accelerator even harder to catch up with the guy! How fast do these things go anyway?"

DM (me): "Umm..." *looks through the book* "The max speed seems to be 25 kilometers per hour."

Players: *looking stunned and very disappointed*

Player 1: "Allright, I grab the radio. 'This is Team Delta One, we are in lukewarm pursuit of the suspect, request backup.'"

I know it's not much but it had us in stitches.

 

[Corinthi]

2nd Edition D&D - We're protecting a merchant who's being hunted by an assassin who keeps leaving dangerous creatures in his house. We here a sharp scream from a back bedroom and rush there only to kill the cocatrice that had already turned the maid to Stone. Being a low level party we lacked the resources to correct that situation and were at a loss on how to break the news to the merchant. The priestess of Mystra smiles suddenly and says, 'I can handle this.' She marches right up to the merchant and informs him with a straight face and deadpan tone, 'Sir, I'm afraid your maid will now be decorating the courtyard.'

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Same game the Priest of Mystra found a ring of the ram. We were raiding a fortress, SWAT style. My fighter was breaking through the front door and making a ton of ruckus so the spellcasters and sneaky types could slip through an upper window. While I'm fighting for my life at the base of the tower, the Priestess saw a single ogre guard standing at the top of the stairs, watching the battle below. Three charges later the ogre is plummetting toward the bottom of the tower...where I am. I blink, think over my options for a moment, then asked, 'Can I make a save vs. falling ogre?' Save vs. Falling ogre became a campaign classic we used whenever we were in some ridiculous situation.

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We're playng Rifts: Africa as an incredibly powerful party trying to put an end to the Four Horseman. The Dragon and Cyberknight were scouting ahead and found a large tribe of natives to speak with. The dragons lands a goodly distance away and lets the Cyberknight walk up to parley. The Cyberknight strides up to these NPCs, strikes a heroic poses, and proclaims loudly, "Our Magick is Greater than Yours!" The npcs shrug and wander off. We /needed/ the information they were going to pass on and paid dearly for the lack of it. Everytime the Cyberknight saw fit to parley we'd taunt him with 'Our Magick is Greater than Yours!'

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My wife had a amusing if unintentional KODT moment in my Arcana Unearthed game. While she was on watch, Incorporeal Undead roll into camp. She sptted them coming and opted to wake up the party's giant warmain...by shooting him with her crossbow. Despite cries of dismay from the giant's player, I smile and tell her to roll to hit. Natural Twenty confirmed with a 19+. 11 points of damage later, the giant is cursing and jumping about with a bolt in his buttocks while trying to activate Chi Julud.

 

[Kender42]

(* Wipes tears away speechlessly *)

Thanks. That was one of my best moments. I actually got pelted with dice and groans.

 

[Eccles]

We played in a superhero game some time ago, for which my two favourite quotes (other than the invention of spray-on plate mail) were:

"Of all the people I don't trust to use the Staff of Moses, I trust us the least."

And

"Have you ever come up with a plan that doesn't involve either nuclear weapons or your forehead?"

Then we have the Deadlands D20 campaign, which produced lines such as:

P1. "It must be a monster"
P2. "A monster that eats people"
P3. "But doesn't eat their ears"
P4. "And is made of hair"

"Are you kidding? Get into a firefight? I'm carrying a home-made minigun in one arm, a lit torch in the other, and juggling a bucket of unstable plastic explosive!"

"Would you mind not killing the children until I've become distracted by looting this building?"

P1. "What are we doing in the church?"
5 seconds later
P1. "What's [P2] doing way over there if we're all in the church?"

"Next time, I'm just going to shove all the plastic explosive in at once..."

"Talking to someone doesn't automatically preclude the option of shooting them later if they didn't have anything interesting to say..."

"I don't believe this - I've got 3 of them! I'm on fire!"
BANG!
"AAARGH! I'M ON FIRE!" - My character, before and after he exploded...

 

[Kid Charlemagne]

In one campaign, we had a player who was a particularly clueless roleplayer. This would be counteracted by the fact he had been playing for 20 years, except that he couldn't compute anything to do with his character abilities even after all that time.

Anyway, in the game we're playing he decides he wants to play a ranger. Being largely uncreative and oblivious, he decides to name his ranger "Aragorn." Some passing familiarity with the novels, I supposed. This was before the films came out.

So, many levels later, the party's lone healer, a druid, gets knocked unconscious, and they're trying to figure out how to get everyone back on their feet.

Player A: Hey, Aragorn, don't you have some points in heal?

Aragorn: Heal?

Player A: Yeah, you know, "the hands of the healer," and all that?

Aragorn: I don't heal, I kill.

 

[Mortanis]

Back up to the top for a new day of quotes!

I've had some KODT DMing moments, where I use a wrong fact and refuse to back down afterwords.

One time, long ago, when making a dungeon, i was creating the kitchen, and deciding it was abandoned, put old, mildewed food stuffs around the room. One in particular was "Rancid Flour". I'm not sure how I came up with it, or what it is, but at the time i was making the dungeon (3 am or so), it seemed like a good item to show the age of this dungeon.

The players found it, and thought it odd, but never said anything much. Eventually it became one of those staples of dungeons - every dungeon or old house that was abandoned had rancid flour in it.

So, we start a new campaign, and last gaming session they encountered a merchant shipping some goods - flour included.

Me: He's got a few sacks of flour, also
Player 1:Rancid Flour?
Me: *Sigh* Yes, rancid flour. You can't have a campaign without rancid flour, can you?
Player 1: Hey guys, i bet this merchant secretly is the supplier of all the rancid flour to every dungeon in the world! If we kill him, we remove the rancid flour threat.

Maybe it's a "you had to be there" situation, but at least once i night they give me flak over Rancid Flour.

 

[Mista Collins]

This is a classic case of a player doing what he thinks is best and it fits in with his character and he didn't mean it to.

After tales of access to the underground in a keep is told to us, we decide to investigate.
As the party rogues are working on a locked door in a courtyard with a well

Player 1 (Minotaur Fighter decked out in armor): slips DM a note
DM: <snickers>
PLayer 2&3 (Rogues): Geez this is a tough lock
DM: "MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO................ SPLASH!!!!"
Player 2&3: HE DIDN'T!!!!
Player 1: <looking embarrased and response quietly>..... i did.
Everyone at table & DM: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

That ended up being the response anytime Player 1 would hand the DM a note. THe players at the table would say "MOOOOOOOO..... SPLASH!!!"

This was 8 years ago and is still talked about today.

 

[Mark Chance]

From last weekend's game session:

Yuna the silver dragon to Tori the paladin: "Can you detect evil on that flower?"

 

[eris404]

Player A: Hey, Aragorn, don't you have some points in heal?
Aragorn: Heal?
Player A: Yeah, you know, "the hands of the healer," and all that?
Aragorn: I don't heal, I kill.

HA! When I find myself missing "Aragorn," I think of that quote and it all gets better. This is the same guy who invented the word "outfiltrate," for any of you that remember that story.