Campaign quotes

[Pants]

The dwarven Rogue talking about how high his Forgery check is:
"Okay, so I'll write a note and give it to the king. The note will say:
'This is you from the future and you need to kill yourself so that something bad won't happen in the future. And you know that thing that only you would know, well 'that thing.'
Signed,
You from the Future

And the King will be all like, 'Oh god, something terrible is going to happen to me in the future if I don't kill myself!' Then he'll stab himself so that nothing bad will happen in the future.'

An actual quote from the game.

 

[Mortanis]

Funny situation leads to funny quotes.

In my last campaign, one player played a lively dwarf that would basically do anything he was dared to. At one large party thrown by the king, he noticed some catapults, and so invented the new sport of "Dwarfpulting". This involved firing the dwarf from the catapult, and try to do one of two things: attempt to blow the dwarf up with a fireball while in mid air, or nail him with a ballista before he hits the water (fired over the ocean, of course).

Every time there was a situation that required a distraction, a new way in, or anything that even remotely could involve firing a dwarf from a catapult.

Frequently they'd enter town and declare "This town could use a bit of Dwarfpulting".

 

[Silver Moon]

A few worthy entries from my "Chinese Take-out" Story Hour:

#1
When the bard and demigod Finder Wyvernspur is teaching the party's extemely attractive guide, who three party members are in love with, how to play a magical harp:

Finder stands behind her and reaches his arms around her, holding his hands above hers. The dwarf Duegar exclaims "Hey, He's making time with our girl!" Mojo comments "Maybe I should try that." "What? Becoming a Demigod?" Serita questions. Mojo responds "Sure!" Narg interjects "Oh yeah, I can just see your application for divine ascension. 'Reason for seeking godhood: To pick up girls.' Mojo answers "Hey, it worked for Zeus!"

#2
After the party rescues some low-level adventurers on their way to fight the main villain:

The human named Maple-twig raises his hand to ask a question. Serita turns to him and snaps "Yeah, what is it?" He meekly states "Am I to understand that you are planning to take all of us with you to attack a god?" "Yeah Serita answers. "Can I remind you that we are all novices." "Don't worry," Narg assures him, "You may not die until the second or third day." Mojo gestures to the new additons and asks "Are you saying they are expendable?" "Let's put them in red shirts" Serita replies.

#3
Days later, outside of the enemy's stronghold and figuring how to get through a closed gate:

Serita tells Narg "Why don't you use those fancy 'Mittens of Lifting Things Up'." "Mittens?" He answers, "They are called Gauntlets of Ogre Power." Mojo adds "Yeah, if they were mittens he'd have strings to time them to his armor." Narg answers "They still do. My mother would kill me if I lost them."

 

[ThirdWizard]

Just remembered another! This is the same character that died to the 13 year old kid (after being raised).

DM: "You see three levers in front of you."
Player: "I pull the first lever."
DM: "It clicks and stays where you pulled it."
Player: "I pull the third lever..."
DM: "It clicks, then both levers pop back to their origional positions. An electric shock zaps you for 4 damage."
Player: "Ow! Okay... I see where this is going. This time I pull the first and third lever!"
DM: "..."
Player: "... DOH!"
DM: "Four more damage..."


Ooh, here's another one.

NPC Paladin: "You're very lucky that the king spared your life. I hope you are more cautious in the future."
My PC: "I plan to be. But, now we have a bigger problem. We've found that the prince is evil. We have to kill him!"
NPC Paladin: *sigh*

 

[Holy Bovine]

In a recent game the party was up against a large group of Ghouls. Things were going poorly with one party memeber reduced to 0 hp and another paralyzed. The party cleric, unable to roll anything above a 3 for his turn checks was getting frustrated and, apprently, quite terrified as the paralyzed Monk was dragged off by the ghouls. His turn in initiative comes up decides to try turnign again and he shouts (this is off colour so please excuse the '*'s)

'F*** Back!'

We all paused and burst out laughing. Apparently he was trying to say 'Get the **** back!' but he was so worked up with the near desperate situation the party was in he could only get out those two words. It has now become the battlecry of the party.

 

[Elemental]

In an online game via an MU, one of the players occasionally made typos. His first action after the GM's introduction was posed thus:

"Octavius goes into the church, after tying his hore outside."


In a Werewolf game, one of the PC's stood too close to an exploding car, and after soak, took 12 levels of lethal damage--dead almost twice over! The player exclaimed "I need a cleric!" and I responded with "You need a taxidermist, dear."


More recently, in an Exalted game, a certain PC had a habit of wandering off. The first time he'd done that, we'd found him having sex with a shapeshifter impersonating one of the other party members (she wasn't happy). The second time, there were no clues about where he'd gone. No problem, since I'm playing a Lunar Exalted (master shapeshifters). I shapeshift into a dog, and attempt to track him by scent.

GM: "You don't smell any hot sex."

Since then, I make a point of sniffing for hot sex at least once a session.

 

[DiFier]

The party cleric, unable to roll anything above a 3 for his turn checks was getting frustrated and, apprently, quite terrified as the paralyzed Monk was dragged off by the ghouls. His turn in initiative comes up decides to try turnign again and he shouts (this is off colour so please excuse the '*'s)

'F*** Back!'

yeah but what did he roll?

 

[Mortanis]

Glad to see this back up to the top!

 

[dinsdale]

This was our first session in our first ever campaign of Vampire the Masquerade, where we were all still learning the rules. Player 1 is playing a Ventrue (smooth, charismatic types). Unfortunately, the player was anything but smooth in real life.

After meeting an important female NPC for the first time:

Player 1 to the DM: "Can I roll dice to impress her?"
Player 2: "That's the only way you'll impress her, 1."

 

[Derf]

IN Vampire: The Masquerade, our Gangrel frenzied, and with her claws out, there was no way we could stop her. So, my Brujah character walked out into the street and called "Is there a doctor around?". ONe stepped forward, I grabbed him, and fed him to the Gangrel. Voila, no more frenzy.
So now, whenever someone frenzies, we say "it there a doctor around?" and she always cringes