Campaign quotes

[Geoff Watson]

"Is that all? We've fought halfling accountants that did more damage!"

when getting breathed on by a dragon for 240 points of damage.

(True too, the halfling accountant did 675 points of damage in one round, but that was with a rules error.)

Geoff.

 

[hong]

From the first session of my campaign:

Evil bandit knight: "So, some adventurers, eh? My name is Aldric --"

PCs: "Excuse me, did you say Baldrick??"

Evil bandit knight: "... as I was saying, my name is ALDRIC --"

PCs: "Pleased to meet you, Baldrick!"

DM: (sigh) "You know, he HATES being called Baldrick...."

 

[Believer]

Not so funny out of context but....

Almost he entire party is in the first room we come to, with a big illusionary map of the surrounding area (some good 100 miles), an adamantium plaque, and a gilded book. However the door in has had some... rather unusual effects when you walk through....

Thief: [looks around, nothing shiny around] I walk through the door.

DM: Roll [thief rolls] Ah... well lets see... [DM rolls] Boom, a fireball, centered on the door fries anyone within X feet. Roll for Reflex

[Wizard fails and is taken to -10, Thief fails and is taken to -12]

Fighter 1: (currently outside the door) DAMNIT! [I pick up the thief's body and start beating it against the wall.] I WANTED TO KILL STUFF BEFORE GOING BACK TO TOWN DAMN YOU!

[Cleric heals Wizard before he dies, Fighter 1 continues to beat on the thief's charred corpse, everyone else makes it out fine]
[2 seconds pass]
Monk: ... I call his rope
Wizard: Oh! His raper's mine!
Fighter 1: Heh... he said raper...

 

[evileeyore]

In a Marvel game some yaers back...

The only female in the group was a Druid like spellcaster with a Squirrel familiar that was a combat demon(no joke, fuzzy little twerp could dish out the damage). The party had added a few new members including myself, playing an older, experienced hero that was previously a solo but rooked into helping them out. We had just finished a 'Danger Room' session so we would understand our different capacities better, unfortunately the Squirrel's player hadn't made it so wasn't included...

Me: Damn she is impresive.
Team Leader: Yeah, you should see her Squirrel.
Me: So is that what you kids are calling it these days.


TTFN

EvilE


editted to fit alloted time...

 

[Derfel]

This first one has been with our group for years, from an old WEG Star Wars campaign. The the party (including a wookie) has been detained by an imperial destroyer. Combat ensues. During the fight the wookie begins going on a rampage (ripping off arms, etc...). The imperial commander runs in with a squad of stormtroopers and shouts out "Seduce the Wookie!" which promptly sends the group into gales of laughter. apparently the GM had meant to say "Subdue the wookie".

During a d20 Cthulu campaign I was playing a detective investigating the disappearance of a baby. I arrive at the apartment building and, following a clue, decide to investigate the roof. The DM busies himself with another player and then he gets back to me
Me: "I've reached the fifth floor by now, how much farther to the roof?"
DM: "But the building has only three floors"
Me: "You mean I climbed up two floors for nothing?"

Finally in our recent D&D campaign the party is hunting an invisible murderer on a ship while crossing the sea.
Player 1 (rogue): "I hide in the store room and wait for the killer"
Player 2: "He is invisible you know"
Player 1: "Fine, in that case if I don't see anything I'll jump at it"

 

[Pierce]

During a d20 Cthulu campaign I was playing a detective investigating the disappearance of a baby. I arrive at the apartment building and, following a clue, decide to investigate the roof. The DM busies himself with another player and then he gets back to me
Me: "I've reached the fifth floor by now, how much farther to the roof?"
DM: "But the building has only three floors"
Me: "You mean I climbed up two floors for nothing?"

Finally in our recent D&D campaign the party is hunting an invisible murderer on a ship while crossing the sea.
Player 1 (rogue): "I hide in the store room and wait for the killer"
Player 2: "He is invisible you know"
Player 1: "Fine, in that case if I don't see anything I'll jump at it"

These last two make wonder if Yogi Berra was in your gaming group. Which would be lots of fun, really.

 

[Vahktang]

You people are making me sick from laughter.

Including:

Oh, mighty things that can hurt us, please don't.
P1: No, I was thinking more like the sound of a minotaur raping a cat.
Me: "You mean I climbed up two floors for nothing?"
Player 1: "Fine, in that case if I don't see anything I'll jump at it"Me: So is that what you kids are calling it these days.

And less we forget:

GM: The price of the city, being sorely wounded, shifts into blood form and flows up the wall.

Me: (As a big, Crinos Garou to a player playing a Vamp) Andy, DRINK HIM!!!

GM: (look of horror)

(It ended up working. In a macabre scene of one of us holding the slurping vampire up to the ceiling and running around the room, and the other following with a mop.)

Good job, people.

More later,

Vahktang

 

[psychognome]

This is from NiTessine's home campaign... it's the only quote that I can actually recall (mostly because it was my character that was saying it ) but NiT is free to post his own if he remembers any good ones.

Idiotic Dwarf Battlerager to the Town Guard: "'Ere, now, you're not a cult of evil dead-god worshippers, now, are you?"

Spoken with the sincerest tone you can imagine. It turned out that the dwarf was right.

 

[megamania]

The PCs are charging a fortress protected by several giants. One has decent levels in psionics. The Giant in question sneaks around the back side of the fortress while PC in question is busy with another Giant.
He defeats the giant then turns to face the new threat.

The psionic giant charges the boulder and throws it. Natural 20, confirmed with another natural 20. It does over 60 pts of damage (he only had 65 to begin with and took a hit or two from the first giant) and since he was standing directly next to a cliff, he goes sailing over the edge. He cries that this is unfair so I give him a STR check (his best) to grab onto a root or stone. He rolls a natural one. After falling over 200ft down he still has the gall to ask if he survived. Doy!

 

[Ahrimon]

The party includes a Paladin that's a little slow (8 int, my char) and an orc fighter. We were traveling to a city that has been under attack from orcish raiding partys for the last couple of months. So outside the town we are stopped by a patrol and they send for the captain.

Captain: So you just came from Brighton(a large town)?
Me: Yep.
Captain: How are the poeple of Brighton?
Me(straight faced): Well, they seemed pretty happy when we left.



Ahrimon