Can anyone explain the logic behind the silent treatment?

[Felon]

For the last few weeks I've been in communication with a gamer who wanted to join the group. Exchanged lengthy calls and emails regarding his character. Nice guy. Then two weeks ago when he was supposed to debut, I had trouble reaching him. Finally, I got ahold of him on the way to our host's house. He cancelled because he had gotten called into work.

No biggie. I told him he could just jump on-board next session. Today was the next session, and once again, no show. This time I called the guy's cell about six times throughout the day, and his home twice. No answer, and as it's now after 10 pm, he's had plenty of time to check for messages.

What really irks me here is I went through the same thing with another player about three months ago. To all appearances, the guy's enthusiastic as heck about playing. Then when showtime comes, totally unreachable. He's either ignoring me, or trapped under a heavy object. In the age of the cellphone, it's hard for me to accept someone being incommunicado for more than a few hours.

I can live with somebody changing their minds, but it drives me nuts that someone think that the silent act is a better way to decline than just coming out and saying "I changed my mind". Shouldn't these guys get tired of getting voice and emails from me?

Anybody else experience this?

 

[Nellisir]

I don't know about him, but I occasionally forget my cell phone. And I don't call people after 9 or 10pm.

I'd give him the benefit of the doubt until you hear otherwise. I would make it clear he needs to let you know when he won't be attending, though.

 

[Olaf the Stout]

I've got a player that has missed 2 sessions out of about the last 5. Both times he forgot that we had a game that week. We game roughly once a fortnight but sometimes we'll play two weeks in a row to make up for a missed session. He has a mobile but I didn't get an answer when I rang it while we were waiting for him to show up.

I really don't see how hard it is to remember if we have a game that week or not. I usually send out an e-mail reminder too (but he also doesn't check his e-mail very frequently). Everyone else seems to remember but him. Very frustrating.

What makes it worse is that he is quite enthusiastic about the game, he is just a bit of a space cadet sometimes and obviously doesn't retain information very well.

Olaf the Stout

 

[Hussar]

Felon - try online gaming sometime.

I've had this happen far too many times. Players would come, show interest, waste my time making a character, maybe even play a session or two and the bugger off into the ether. Drives me absolutely around the twist. How hard is it for people to take 10 seconds out of their busy bloody day and say, "Hey, sorry, this isn't for me."? That would be fine. I have no problems with someone deciding they don't like my game, but, when I waste everyone's time waiting for wingnut to show and he can't even be bothered to pm, I have zero tolerance anymore.

The standing rule in my group is you get two freebies. If you don't tell us you're not coming beforehand, that's one freebie. After two, you get the boot. Life is too short to waste it catering to idiots.

/end rant.

 

[Aus_Snow]

Is this just more evidence that a disproportionate number of gamers are socially inept? Or is it just people being people?

I wonder sometimes. I do feel blessed, either way, that the groups I game with consist of (relatively) mature adults. Good people too, basically.

 

[Olaf the Stout]

The standing rule in my group is you get two freebies. If you don't tell us you're not coming beforehand, that's one freebie. After two, you get the boot. Life is too short to waste it catering to idiots.

/end rant.

What if the player forgets? Too bad, try again next time or do you allow a little leeway?

Olaf the Stout

 

[airwalkrr]

I cannot explain the behavior. I have seen it happen many times myself. But I can offer insight into how to deal with it. If a player wants to play, they will play. If they do not want to play, they will not. I have finally gotten around to starting a campaign that does not depend on the same people showing up week after week. I could run an entirely new batch of players through my Castle Greyhawk campaign each week with little difficulty and character creation has been simplified to make even new characters a relative cinch. The campaign just took off, so maybe it won't work out. But I think it will. And for once, I do not have to worry about making sure people show up or waiting around until players get to the game.

 

[Olaf the Stout]

Is this just more evidence that a disproportionate number of gamers are socially inept? Or is it just people being people?

I wonder sometimes. I do feel blessed, either way, that the groups I game with consist of (relatively) mature adults. Good people too, basically.

Sometimes it feels like it to me. One of the guys in my group is a friend that I have known for about 10 years. Nice enough but he is really lacking in social skills.

Another guy seems normal enough but I would consider him to be a little socially dumb.

The other 3 players in my group are pretty normal though. I would say that I am reasonably adept socially.

Olaf the Stout

 

[Vocenoctum]

Felon - try online gaming sometime.

I've had this happen far too many times. Players would come, show interest, waste my time making a character, maybe even play a session or two and the bugger off into the ether. Drives me absolutely around the twist. How hard is it for people to take 10 seconds out of their busy bloody day and say, "Hey, sorry, this isn't for me."?

It's happened in plenty of our online games also. Out of 6 people that reply, 1 will never reply to char-gen, 2 will make PC's then never show, 2 will show and do nothing or just disappear, and maybe one will stick around to play for any length of time.

That's not including the 15 you turn down because they can't write an email in a sane manner.

It's just so easy to email to say "hey, my schedule changed and I can't play", whether it's true or not doesn't matter really. I don't think it's "geek ineptness" so much as people just lack manners nowadays.

 

[Olaf the Stout]

It's happened in plenty of our online games also. Out of 6 people that reply, 1 will never reply to char-gen, 2 will make PC's then never show, 2 will show and do nothing or just disappear, and maybe one will stick around to play for any length of time.

That's not including the 15 you turn down because they can't write an email in a sane manner.

It's just so easy to email to say "hey, my schedule changed and I can't play", whether it's true or not doesn't matter really. I don't think it's "geek ineptness" so much as people just lack manners nowadays.

But you feel guilt when you actually treat someone like a person. Guilt is bad. Ignorance is bliss.

Olaf the Stout