Ceramic DM -- Fall '06 ** yangnome wins! **
- Thread starter Rodrigo Istalindir
- Start date
maxfieldjadenfox
First Post
Looks like Mazlo missed the deadline...
maxfieldjadenfox
First Post
I sent mine in... Pithy, but done.
Rodrigo Istalindir
Explorer
Still waiting to hear from Herremann on the first batch. Sent the second off to him this morning.
Sorry for the delay, guys.
Sorry for the delay, guys.
Not a problem! Refresh button isn't quite worn out yet 
.
Considering, I'm lucky to even be clicking refresh at this point.
Here, I'll do it again *click*
I have to apologize toe veryone for not getting my critiques up yet. Just finished my school term today though, so I have a week and a half free - going to try to catch up now.
Aaron
.Considering, I'm lucky to even be clicking refresh at this point.
Here, I'll do it again *click*
I have to apologize toe veryone for not getting my critiques up yet. Just finished my school term today though, so I have a week and a half free - going to try to catch up now.
Aaron
Roger
First Post
Mini-Reviews for Round 1
While we're waiting for Judgment, here are a few of my comments on the stories so far. I've used spoiler-blocks to help the judges (and anyone else) avoid my mini-reviews, as well as hide my guesses as to who will win each round.
Round 1a, Match 1 - Wild Gazebo v. Taladas
[sblock]
Of Eloquence and Understanding: To Wit
by Wild Gazebo
Posted: 09-09-06, 12:58 PM
Elapsed time: 51 hours
POV: First-person
Word count: 1770
Review: The prose is is somewhat laboured. Use of the pictures is pretty solid. It starts off alright, but then just sorta stops for no apparent reason. Fragmentary.
Sanctuary
by Taladas
Posted: 09-10-06, 03:14 AM
Elapsed time: 65 hours
POV: First-person
Word count: 980
Review: A few grammatical problems. Generally works as a character sketch, but not really a story as such. The interesting story has already occured. Picture use is fine.
My pick to win:
[/sblock]
Round 1a, Match 2 - Hellefire v NiTessine
[sblock]
Long Live the King?
by Hellefire
Posted: 09-10-06, 10:41 AM
Elapsed time: 72 hours.
POV: Third-person
Word count: 2870
Review: Promising. The 'meditation' info-dump is tiresome. Excessive exclamation mark usage. The twist ending is not really worth it. Picture use is fine.
The Cure
by NiTessine
Posted: 09-10-06, 10:06 AM
Elapsed time: 72 hours
POV: Third-person
Word count: 3140
Review: A bit flowery. And heavy. But it has a compelling nature to it. It runs the risk of being merely fan fiction, cleaving as closely as it does to established D&D canon. Not a bad story, but the central conflict is not developed enough. It all seems a bit too easy. Picture use is a bit strained but otherwise pretty good.
My pick to win:
[/sblock]
Round 1a, Match 3 - Halivar v Aris Dragonborn
[sblock]
Billy's Reckoning
by Halivar
Posted: 09-09-06, 10:15 PM
Elapsed time: 60 hours
POV: Third-person
Word count: 2400
Review: Comedy is hard, but it works well here. 'Vern' is a somewhat strange name for a woman. This is a complete story, with a beginning, middle, and end. Well done. Pictures integrate well.
The Sacrifice
by Aris Dragonborn
Posted: 09-10-06, 02:57 PM
Elapsed time: 77 hours.
POV: Third-person
Word count: 4600
Review: Aris accidentally wrote a story using the wrong set of pictures (!) but, after repeated requests, posted it eventually. The events are gripping, but eventually take slightly ludicrous turn. The recounting of the events leads to a bit of a pacing problem. It's a complete story, though. Picture use, such as it was, was good.
My pick to win:
[/sblock]
Round 1a, Match 4 - Paka v Deuce Traveller
[sblock]
The First Baby Step Towards the World’s End
by Paka
Posted: 09-10-06, 08:29 AM
Elapsed time: 70 hours
POV: First-person
Word count: 1830
Review: More character sketches, more or less. Generally well-written. Pretty close to being a story. The viewpoint character wasn't really developed enough to be sympathetic or to give us a sense of the conflict. Picture usage was fine.
The 22nd Anniversary of a Homecoming
by Deuce Traveler
Posted: 09-09-06, 04:34 PM
Elapsed time: 54 hours
POV: First-person
Word count: 4780
Review: Pretty good, all in all. But it's a fragment at this point. It doesn't end at a natural point in the story. But it's well-written for all that. Picture use was a bit shaky but forgivable.
My pick to win:
[/sblock]
Round 1b, Match 5 - tadk v. Roger
[sblock]
Forever lasts too long for those in love
by tadk
Posted: 09-16-06, 08:49 PM
Elapsed time: 59 hours
POV: Third-person
Word Count: 2450
Review: I had a hard time getting a handle on this. All in all, more of a character sketch than a real story. Picture use is okay.
Be Not Afraid
by Roger
Posted: 09-16-06, 02:54 PM
Elapsed time: 53 hours
POV: Third-person
Word Count: 2700
Review: Well, I wrote it, so rather than reviewing myself, I'll use this space for a "design diary" of sorts.
I started, naturally enough, with taking look at the pictures. Picture #1 implied pretty strongly that I'd be using a modern-day setting. Picture #2 got me thinking about zombies or something of that ilk, but I wasn't immediately married to the idea. Picture #3 seemed to be the problematic one. Pretty abstract, didn't really immediately seem to relate to the other two.
Then I started studying the pictures more closely. #1 appears to be a movie set, which is something I didn't realize at first. And a couple of the parking stalls are marked as handicapped, which ties into picture #3. As I studied #2, I thought this might be a person covered in mud, or maybe a statue of some sort. And #3 was still giving me problems. The shadows of three people, so that implied at least three characters. One of whom was in a wheelchair. Not to mention some crazy colours, and ropes all over the place.
At some point, I had a flash of inspiration: picture #3 is a picture of astral projection. That explains the ropes and the colours. Once I had that piece in place, the rest of the story started to come together.
I had a movie set to work in there somehow. I wrote myself a short list of 'people you might find on a movie set' and was quickly drawn to the idea of a stuntman (or stunt double, as it turned out.) A stuntman and astral projection led me to the idea of a near-death out-of-body experience, and everything else pretty much shook out of that.
I wrote up some very brief character sketches and outlined a plot. All of this took me to the end of Day 1. I was at work, so it wasn't like I spent 12 hours straight at it. The next day was the weekend, which made the writing easier. To get to the final draft took me about six hours, but I think only about half of that was actually spent in writing and editing -- the rest was drinking coffee, staring out the window, etc.
[/sblock]
Round 1b, Match 6 - Linderel v. Mazlo
[sblock]
Untitled
by Linderel
Posted: 09-17-06, 05:05 AM
Elapsed time: 67 hours
POV: Third-person
Word count: 1300
Review: The start of a story, but not really a story. "Person sees strange things, then carries on with life, unchanged" is not a story. Amputated. Picture use is good.
My pick to win:
[/sblock]
Round 1b, Match 7 - Kassiopeia v. yangnome
[sblock]
To whom it may concern
by yangnome
Posted: 09-17-06, 01:57 AM
Elapsed time: 64 hours
POV: First-person
Word count: 1840
Review: Ah, the old 'written letter' framing device. Tried and true. This is yet another character sketch. Compelling enough, but not really a story.
After Shock
by Kassiopeia
Posted: 09-17-06, 04:45 AM
Elapsed time: 67 hours
POV: Third-person
Word count: 1130
Review: Another character sketch, but at least there's a hint of conflict in this. Feels amputated at this length, though. Picture use is a bit strained.
My pick to win:
[/sblock]
Round 1b, Match 8 - rpjunkie v. GuardianLurker
[sblock]
Mission Improbable
by Rpjunkie
Posted: 09-14-06, 08:27 PM
Elapsed time: 10.5 hours
POV: First-person
Word count: 1800
Review: The writing isn't bad, but it's been a long time since I saw a story ending with "and it was all a dream!" that I liked. Picture use is fine.
The Case of the Missing Beacon
by GuardianLurker
Posted: 09-16-06, 09:49 AM
Elapsed time: 48 hours
POV: First-person
Word count: 1450
Review: Well-written, but I think we get short-changed in the climax. And the denoument is extremely short. Again, there's the sense that "Hero is presented with a minor puzzle, figures it out in short order, and then everything works out fine." Picture use is strong.
My pick to win:
[/sblock]
Cheers,
Roger
While we're waiting for Judgment, here are a few of my comments on the stories so far. I've used spoiler-blocks to help the judges (and anyone else) avoid my mini-reviews, as well as hide my guesses as to who will win each round.
Round 1a, Match 1 - Wild Gazebo v. Taladas
[sblock]
Of Eloquence and Understanding: To Wit
by Wild Gazebo
Posted: 09-09-06, 12:58 PM
Elapsed time: 51 hours
POV: First-person
Word count: 1770
Review: The prose is is somewhat laboured. Use of the pictures is pretty solid. It starts off alright, but then just sorta stops for no apparent reason. Fragmentary.
Sanctuary
by Taladas
Posted: 09-10-06, 03:14 AM
Elapsed time: 65 hours
POV: First-person
Word count: 980
Review: A few grammatical problems. Generally works as a character sketch, but not really a story as such. The interesting story has already occured. Picture use is fine.
My pick to win:
Wild Gazebo
Round 1a, Match 2 - Hellefire v NiTessine
[sblock]
Long Live the King?
by Hellefire
Posted: 09-10-06, 10:41 AM
Elapsed time: 72 hours.
POV: Third-person
Word count: 2870
Review: Promising. The 'meditation' info-dump is tiresome. Excessive exclamation mark usage. The twist ending is not really worth it. Picture use is fine.
The Cure
by NiTessine
Posted: 09-10-06, 10:06 AM
Elapsed time: 72 hours
POV: Third-person
Word count: 3140
Review: A bit flowery. And heavy. But it has a compelling nature to it. It runs the risk of being merely fan fiction, cleaving as closely as it does to established D&D canon. Not a bad story, but the central conflict is not developed enough. It all seems a bit too easy. Picture use is a bit strained but otherwise pretty good.
My pick to win:
NiTessine
Round 1a, Match 3 - Halivar v Aris Dragonborn
[sblock]
Billy's Reckoning
by Halivar
Posted: 09-09-06, 10:15 PM
Elapsed time: 60 hours
POV: Third-person
Word count: 2400
Review: Comedy is hard, but it works well here. 'Vern' is a somewhat strange name for a woman. This is a complete story, with a beginning, middle, and end. Well done. Pictures integrate well.
The Sacrifice
by Aris Dragonborn
Posted: 09-10-06, 02:57 PM
Elapsed time: 77 hours.
POV: Third-person
Word count: 4600
Review: Aris accidentally wrote a story using the wrong set of pictures (!) but, after repeated requests, posted it eventually. The events are gripping, but eventually take slightly ludicrous turn. The recounting of the events leads to a bit of a pacing problem. It's a complete story, though. Picture use, such as it was, was good.
My pick to win:
Halivar (by default)
Round 1a, Match 4 - Paka v Deuce Traveller
[sblock]
The First Baby Step Towards the World’s End
by Paka
Posted: 09-10-06, 08:29 AM
Elapsed time: 70 hours
POV: First-person
Word count: 1830
Review: More character sketches, more or less. Generally well-written. Pretty close to being a story. The viewpoint character wasn't really developed enough to be sympathetic or to give us a sense of the conflict. Picture usage was fine.
The 22nd Anniversary of a Homecoming
by Deuce Traveler
Posted: 09-09-06, 04:34 PM
Elapsed time: 54 hours
POV: First-person
Word count: 4780
Review: Pretty good, all in all. But it's a fragment at this point. It doesn't end at a natural point in the story. But it's well-written for all that. Picture use was a bit shaky but forgivable.
My pick to win:
Deuce Traveler
Round 1b, Match 5 - tadk v. Roger
[sblock]
Forever lasts too long for those in love
by tadk
Posted: 09-16-06, 08:49 PM
Elapsed time: 59 hours
POV: Third-person
Word Count: 2450
Review: I had a hard time getting a handle on this. All in all, more of a character sketch than a real story. Picture use is okay.
Be Not Afraid
by Roger
Posted: 09-16-06, 02:54 PM
Elapsed time: 53 hours
POV: Third-person
Word Count: 2700
Review: Well, I wrote it, so rather than reviewing myself, I'll use this space for a "design diary" of sorts.
I started, naturally enough, with taking look at the pictures. Picture #1 implied pretty strongly that I'd be using a modern-day setting. Picture #2 got me thinking about zombies or something of that ilk, but I wasn't immediately married to the idea. Picture #3 seemed to be the problematic one. Pretty abstract, didn't really immediately seem to relate to the other two.
Then I started studying the pictures more closely. #1 appears to be a movie set, which is something I didn't realize at first. And a couple of the parking stalls are marked as handicapped, which ties into picture #3. As I studied #2, I thought this might be a person covered in mud, or maybe a statue of some sort. And #3 was still giving me problems. The shadows of three people, so that implied at least three characters. One of whom was in a wheelchair. Not to mention some crazy colours, and ropes all over the place.
At some point, I had a flash of inspiration: picture #3 is a picture of astral projection. That explains the ropes and the colours. Once I had that piece in place, the rest of the story started to come together.
I had a movie set to work in there somehow. I wrote myself a short list of 'people you might find on a movie set' and was quickly drawn to the idea of a stuntman (or stunt double, as it turned out.) A stuntman and astral projection led me to the idea of a near-death out-of-body experience, and everything else pretty much shook out of that.
I wrote up some very brief character sketches and outlined a plot. All of this took me to the end of Day 1. I was at work, so it wasn't like I spent 12 hours straight at it. The next day was the weekend, which made the writing easier. To get to the final draft took me about six hours, but I think only about half of that was actually spent in writing and editing -- the rest was drinking coffee, staring out the window, etc.
[/sblock]
Round 1b, Match 6 - Linderel v. Mazlo
[sblock]
Untitled
by Linderel
Posted: 09-17-06, 05:05 AM
Elapsed time: 67 hours
POV: Third-person
Word count: 1300
Review: The start of a story, but not really a story. "Person sees strange things, then carries on with life, unchanged" is not a story. Amputated. Picture use is good.
My pick to win:
Linderel (default)
Round 1b, Match 7 - Kassiopeia v. yangnome
[sblock]
To whom it may concern
by yangnome
Posted: 09-17-06, 01:57 AM
Elapsed time: 64 hours
POV: First-person
Word count: 1840
Review: Ah, the old 'written letter' framing device. Tried and true. This is yet another character sketch. Compelling enough, but not really a story.
After Shock
by Kassiopeia
Posted: 09-17-06, 04:45 AM
Elapsed time: 67 hours
POV: Third-person
Word count: 1130
Review: Another character sketch, but at least there's a hint of conflict in this. Feels amputated at this length, though. Picture use is a bit strained.
My pick to win:
Kassiopeia
Round 1b, Match 8 - rpjunkie v. GuardianLurker
[sblock]
Mission Improbable
by Rpjunkie
Posted: 09-14-06, 08:27 PM
Elapsed time: 10.5 hours
POV: First-person
Word count: 1800
Review: The writing isn't bad, but it's been a long time since I saw a story ending with "and it was all a dream!" that I liked. Picture use is fine.
The Case of the Missing Beacon
by GuardianLurker
Posted: 09-16-06, 09:49 AM
Elapsed time: 48 hours
POV: First-person
Word count: 1450
Review: Well-written, but I think we get short-changed in the climax. And the denoument is extremely short. Again, there's the sense that "Hero is presented with a minor puzzle, figures it out in short order, and then everything works out fine." Picture use is strong.
My pick to win:
GuardianLurker
Cheers,
Roger
