Character Submission Thread

[BigB]

Second Look: Cruendithas Beestinger

I made a mistake in saying that you'd apparently taken your Obsessive racial feature bonus. You can still do that. Better yet, the LPF version of the ability has been changed to include the following: Appraise, Bluff, Diplomacy, Handle Animal, Linguistics, Profession, Spellcraft and Use Magic Device (a skill you've pumped up, perhaps here?). Feel free to take a +2 in any one of those things, and my apologies for missing it initially.

I made a minor edit (a few carriage returns) to make your Knowledge Skills easier to read. Somehow, a few got run together.

This said, you got all the necessary stuff for a: STAMP! One non-judge APPROVAL.

Thanks Aura for the review and formatting. Especially for the improvement ideas. I made the fixes and added the obsessive racial trait to Use Magic Device. I will stick with the 2 world Magic as it gives him a unlimited uses ranged magic attack at low level.

 

[Rathan]

Reviewing Doren Kane

Welcome to LPF, Rathan. I'll non-judge review your character. Assuming you pass, you'll then only need one judge approval to be ready for play. I only edit your sheet for typos, the rest is suggestions for you to go edit. And I sometimes make mistakes--feel free to point out if you think I am in error. As for Doren...

Stuff That Needs Fixin':
* Your traits are not stated. They are nice little benefits that you would probably want to have.
* It seems you missed your Skilled racial feature in your skill point count. You get one more point.
* The ACP for your armor and shield seems to have been omitted on ACP-effected skills. I get -4 for your armor/shield.
* Skills that can only be used trained require a rank (skill point) to be added to activate them. Simply being a class skill, in of itself, doesn't do that. So apparently have some skills that look like they are usable, but really are not. Similarly, other skills which are usable untrained are not noted. A fair amount of editing in the skills section is needed, if you have any questions I'll happily answer them. Alternately, I can do my best to fix up the section, if you like.
* Your movement should be reduced to 20' due to encumberance.
* 20 sling bullets only costs 2 sp.

Stuff That Could be Changed:
* You have bonus languages you can take. One for INT, and one regional language, such as High Landellian, that everyone can have if they like. Common is Low Landellian, so you effectively already have that. (Low Landellian is also the primary language of Tritower, where your goddess' center of worship is.)
* You have a WIS of 14. Nothing wrong with that, but I thought I'd mention CHA is the casting stat for Paladins, unlike DnD 3.0/3.5. So you have a stat you can farm out of if you were thinking you needed it for spells.

Notation and Typos:
* In skills, 'CS' is the generally understood column for the class skill bonus. You can move the +3 out of Misc to that spot for clarity.
* Racial Features: You seemingly forgot to add Skilled and Bonus Feat to this section
* I like explicitly noting the encumberance level ("Medium Encumberance") that results from what you are carrying, but it's not required.
* Maintaining coin types in finances is rather difficult to do clearly and without mistakes. The 10 gold you used to 'make change' from your silver and copper expenditures virtually disappears, even if the final result is correct. I recommend using fractional accounting when totaling columns. (I get 139.12 gp spent including the sling bullet expenditure noted above.)

Comments:
* I'm a fan of classic-style characters, which Doren seems to fit.
* The high-AC paladin using lay on hands to keep himself going (as a free action) seems to be a rather viable character type.

In short, NOT YET, there are a number of mechanical issues that need to be resolved. However, it's all fixable.

Alrighty Aura.. I think I've made the changes that need to be made. Care to take another look please?

Thanks!

 

[Satin Knights]

Reviewing Hawk:
I cleaned up a lot of little things to make the sheet conform a bit more to others for the sake of consistency.

a) Equipment. One weapon and a suit of armor is not enough. Right now, with your survival skill, you have a 30% chance of going hungry on a given night. And since you have no coins, a 100% chance in a city. If grappled, you have no light weapon, so you are reduced to doing non-lethal punches. And one game finally crashed and burned over the weekend for the want of an alchemist's fire to deal with a bat swarm they had been fighting for a month. So, time to go shopping and equip yourself a bit more appropriately.

Aura gave you a few tips as well. I cleaned up some of the issues, but others are still there to be finished off.

And please try to find a better picture. I assume the one you have now is a placeholder. Being that it is an iconic of another race is what throws me off a bit with that one.

 

[Maidhc O Casain]

Ack, well ... your reading of the wiki is correct, but I'm 95% sure the wiki is incorrect, because I recall asking that question in the original discussion, and that the consensus was that Venzans don't get a regional bonus. I'll wait for other judges to confirm/deny before fixing.

This is my recollection as well.

 

[Aura]

Second Look: Doren Kane

That revision helped a lot. You're closing in on approval:

Traits: You still have two traits you can choose. They are close to half feats, and help develop the character a little. Mechanically, I'd suggest something that adds +1 to your reflex save, either in the form of Deft Dodger (from the back of the APG) or whatever label you attach (the +1 to a save Traits can be reskinned freely).

Languages: There turns out to be a bit of discussion over the extra regional language, but I think you will still qualify since you are not Venzan. However, I'll let a judge speak on that.

Skills: A lot of improvement in this section. The only one you might have missed was Handle Animal, which cannot be used untrained.

Suggestion: If you're going to be moving 20' anyway, the same 100gp will buy you Chainmail for 2 more pts of AC. And since LPF has a 100% sell-back policy, when your encumberance dips low enough to take advantage of a Chain Shirt, you can shift to it with no penalty.

VERY CLOSE, just a couple traits and a minor issue or two.

 

[Rathan]

Quote=Aura]Suggestion: If you're going to be moving 20' anyway, the same 100gp will buy you Chainmail for 2 more pts of AC. And since LPF has a 100% sell-back policy, when your encumberance dips low enough to take advantage of a Chain Shirt, you can shift to it with no penalty.[/quote]

Actually chainmail is 150 gp would be all of my starting money, I can't in good conscience put all my money into one item.. I wish I could cause I love a high AC low level character but alas I like gear like rations and other goodies heh

 

[Rathan]

"Suggestion: If you're going to be moving 20' anyway, the same 100gp will buy you Chainmail for 2 more pts of AC. And since LPF has a 100% sell-back policy, when your encumberance dips low enough to take advantage of a Chain Shirt, you can shift to it with no penalty."

Actually chainmail is 150 gp and that would be all of my starting money, I can't in good conscience put all my money into one item.. I wish I could cause I love a high AC low level character but alas I like gear like rations and other goodies heh


Guess I'll move to scale mail for the moment then..

 

[Guest 11456]

Reviewing Hawk:
I cleaned up a lot of little things to make the sheet conform a bit more to others for the sake of consistency.

a) Equipment. One weapon and a suit of armor is not enough. Right now, with your survival skill, you have a 30% chance of going hungry on a given night. And since you have no coins, a 100% chance in a city. If grappled, you have no light weapon, so you are reduced to doing non-lethal punches. And one game finally crashed and burned over the weekend for the want of an alchemist's fire to deal with a bat swarm they had been fighting for a month. So, time to go shopping and equip yourself a bit more appropriately.

Aura gave you a few tips as well. I cleaned up some of the issues, but others are still there to be finished off.

And please try to find a better picture. I assume the one you have now is a placeholder. Being that it is an iconic of another race is what throws me off a bit with that one.

Thank you for your suggestions.

 

[Guest 11456]

Weird double post.

 

[Aura]

Guess I'll move to scale mail for the moment then..

My apologies for the inaccurate suggestion, but you get the 'jist of it.