Older Beholder
Hero
Elf game is fine just don’t call it a ‘Gnome game’
People do hmhave differing levels of how seriously they take these games, but I think in this instance it is fair for those who view it as just an elf game to say that to counter what seemed an implied demand that someone who wants to play an elf when not mechanically different to a human has to provide a reason to justify that want, when for many people it is just a game and someone doesn't have to provide a reason (provided the game has elves in it as such).Look: of course TTRPGs are a hobby, and there are more important things in life than our hobbies. But that doesn't mean that our hobbies aren't important, or that we can't have serious discussions about them. In my experience, the terms "elfgame" or "game where we pretend to be elves" are mostly used to shut down a lane of discussion by trying to convince people that it's not a big deal. The problem is that what you consider unimportant may very well differ from others. I see it as a cheap rhetorical move most of the time, designed as a tactic to demean one's opponents.
Maybe. Certainly that's your opinion. It sure seems to me like the gaming equivalent of just telling someone speaking passionately to "relax" or "calm down", which tends not to go well in real life.There's serious discussion and then there's unhealthy engagement. If the hobby is causing you (general you) such great amounts of frustration, anxiety, and anger—then maybe you should disengage from it (either temporarily or permanently).
Well, 99 times out of 100 it IS no big deal. Like seriously.
How you see it is how you see it. However, it's meant as a call to take a step back and gather some perspective—because it's just a damned game.
Nice to know the prevailing opinion is that none of those things are worth expressing negative feelings about, and you should expect social shame from being irritated by any of it.“Elfgame,” in my experience, is not used to shut down serious discussions of TTRPGs. From what I’ve seen, it’s very much the opposite, shutting down people over-reacting about minor lore/canon changes, accusing WotC of hating older gamers for nonsensical reasons, and stuff like that. You know, very minor and non-serious issues (if they're even issues at all). Or, as used earlier in this thread, it was used to explain why personal taste doesn't always need rational/logical justifications behind them. I've occasionally seen it be used by D&D youtubers as a bit of self-deprecating humor, but that's absolutely fine (I often laugh at these jokes) and not the usual usage.
It isn't used to "demean," but to put things in perspective to people overreacting. Feeling personally attacked/morally affronted because of tiny lore changes to a 50-year-old game is ridiculous, but is all too present on this site and others. "Oh no, they changed our Frankenstein rip-off into a girl!" "Oh no, they made a joke character about an older mechanic" "Oh no, they're ruining the hobby by catering/pandering to X group" and similar statements are validly countered by "It's just an elfgame, you don't need to take things so personally and make a mountain out of a molehill."
I wouldn’t call a gentle reminder that it’s just a game “social shame.” The point is not to ridicule, but to, well, remind the person it’s being said to that the stakes here are quite low. It’s a game we ostensibly are all playing to have a good time. If one finds one’s self being irritated by it, perhaps one should take a break, since it’s evidently not really serving its intended function for them as an enjoyable pastime.Nice to know the prevailing opinion is that none of those things are worth expressing negative feelings about, and you should expect social shame from being irritated by any of it.
Fair enough, but I would far prefer to have someone just say that to me, rather than use what I still consider an insulting term for a hobby that means a great deal to me, whether they meant it that way or not. Is there a reason a person can't just speak their truth plainly rather than trying to be cute? From what you're saying, the person you are talking to in this scenario is already worked up.I wouldn’t call a gentle reminder that it’s just a game “social shame.” The point is not to ridicule, but to, well, remind the person it’s being said to that the stakes here are quite low. It’s a game we ostensibly are all playing to have a good time. If one finds one’s self being irritated by it, perhaps one should take a break, since it’s evidently not really serving its intended function for them as an enjoyable pastime.
There's an argument to be made that serious discussion IS the unhealthy engagement. In-the-moment play is almost invariably far more interesting and engaging than the whiteroom analysis we see here (particularly in the 'General' forum) on a regular basis; the analysis just provides something to do during the week.There's serious discussion and then there's unhealthy engagement.
I think to the people responding to you, they were speaking the truth. I think there might have just been a gap in communication. I hear you though.Fair enough, but I would far prefer to have someone just say that to me, rather than use what I still consider an insulting term for a hobby that means a great deal to me, whether they meant it that way or not. Is there a reason a person can't just speak their truth plainly rather than trying to be cute? From what you're saying, the person you are talking to in this scenario is already worked up.
My recollection is that there was a fair bit of back and forth first where people did explain themselves quite clearly.Is there a reason a person can't just speak their truth plainly rather than trying to be cute?