D&D vs. Real Life

[Alzrius]

In D&D, no one, no matter where they go or what they do, ever has to go to the bathroom.

In real life, so much as eating lunch too fast is a called shot to my poor belly.

 

[dougmander]

In D&D, I am a mighty dungeon master, raising a horde of foul-smelling, destructive monsters to let loose upon the world from my vermin-infested, lii-lit, underground lair.

In real life, I'm a middle-school teacher, working with 24 adolescents in a windowless room in the basement.

Not much difference, actually.

 

[Hypersmurf]

In real life, there's not much danger of an armed commoner losing a fight to the death with a housecat.

In D&D, put your money on the cat.

[color=#dddddd] -------
 |.....|
 |..[color=white][b]f[/b][/color]..[color=brown]+[/color]####
 |.[color=white][b]@[/b][/color]...|
 |.....|
 -------[/color]

The housecat hits! The housecat misses. The housecat bites!

You die...

-- MORE --

-Hyp.

 

[nonamazing]

People have written lots of sourcebooks for real life, but hardly any of them have any crunchy bits.

It's actually very hard to find dry rations in real life.

There are no 64 oz. double gulp cups of Mountain Dew in D&D.

In real life, you don't have to worry if every short person you meet is going to try and steal your wallet and/or hit you with an axe.

In D&D, your familiar never jumps on your keyboard and screws up what you're typing.

Your DM frequently lets you take ten or even take twenty. Your boss rarely lets you take five.

Last one: In D&D, there are dozens, if not hundreds, of intelligent species. In real life, I'm not sure if there's one.

 

[drothgery]

In D&D, I always carry around several weapons, even if I'm playing a wizard.

In real life, I stopped carrying around a pen knife after I lost the third one.

 

[Lady Mer]

In D&D, I nimbly dodge the ogre's attack, tumble between his legs, and sheath my rapier deep into his kidneys, with nary a scratch on my outfit.

In real life, I trip over everything.

In D&D, I crawl through the sewers, fighting rats and oozes, making my way to the center where I confront the vile necromancer and his hoard of rotting corpses, and then, seconds after I reemerge into the city, I am neat and clean. (My party LOVES prestidigitation.)

In real life, I look messy three second after I step out the door.

 

[Rabelais]

In D&D my character hasn't slept in a warm bed in about a year...

In real life, I can't stand the smell of campfire in my clothing.

 

[Kalendraf]

In D&D, if you say you've seen (a) god, or heard the voice of (a) god, people are likely to ask, "Which one?"

In RL, if you say that, you get a free trip to the psych ward.


In D&D, if you're a male and you tell your attractive young female assistant that you'd like to show her your magic wand, she's likely to say, "Please do!"

In RL, if you do that, you'll get charged with sexual harassment.


In D&D, after the bad guys have killed countless innocents, the good guy heroes eventually fight back and try to hunt down the fiendish mastermind behind it all, who turns out to be an evil wizard with a beard.

In RL, since 9/11, the U.S. has been hunting down Osama Bin Laden.

 

[Grodd JoJoJo]

In D&D, I'm a halfling rogue who lives life in the gutter.

In real life, I'm a part-time English instructor/part-time stage actor, and I'm dating a university cheerleader (no, she's not one of my students).

 

[Dark Jezter]

In D&D, you need to carry around a rotten egg or skunk cabbage leaves to make a stinking cloud.

In real life, all that's required is a big dinner at a mexican resturant.