D&D 5E Dealing with a trouble player and a major blow up

[JackOfAllTirades]

Is there some kind of consensus as to what constitutes "stupid"? Some people are goofy or lack great social skills. Doesn't make them stupid or mean someone else gets to sit in judgment of them. It's gaming. I've met so many odd personalities in gaming that if I judged people in the fashion Majoru appears to judge them, I have rid myself of numerous gamers at conventions or game stores.

Calling someone else stupid behind their back and talking about "stupid meters" and the like is immature and gossipy.

Actually yes, some people are just plain stupid. They're not being "goofy", it's not a lack of social skills, it's not a personality quirk. They're think-headed. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer. Slept in the day IQ points got handed out. And tantrum-boy sounds like a classic case.

Seriously, go back through the OP's descriptions of things he's done in-game and ask yourself: would anyone with an IQ above room temperature have seriously considered doing any of that? I don't think so. If I had to play with somebody that dim his character would have met with a bad end a long time ago. It would've saved the GM and the rest of the group a lot of trouble.

 

[Sunseeker]

Is there some kind of consensus as to what constitutes "stupid"? Some people are goofy or lack great social skills. Doesn't make them stupid or mean someone else gets to sit in judgment of them. It's gaming. I've met so many odd personalities in gaming that if I judged people in the fashion Majoru appears to judge them, I have rid myself of numerous gamers at conventions or game stores.

Calling someone else stupid behind their back and talking about "stupid meters" and the like is immature and gossipy.

If someone blew up and dumped their friends at the game while they ran off to have a fit, forcing their friends to take the bus home, I would not hesitate to call them immature and stupid. Goofy and poor social skills does not tend to result in hissy fits when things don't go their way.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Might not be stupidity so much as an impulse control issue.

 

[EzekielRaiden]

Actually yes, some people are just plain stupid. They're not being "goofy", it's not a lack of social skills, it's not a personality quirk. They're think-headed. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer. Slept in the day IQ points got handed out. And tantrum-boy sounds like a classic case.

Sounds to me like the fundamental attribution error...attributing inappropriate or judgment-worthy behaviors purely to the innate nature of the actor in question, rather than the situations to which the actor has been exposed. And it's even easier to commit such an error when all you have is the emotionally-charged account from someone else who may also be committing that error.

Seriously, go back through the OP's descriptions of things he's done in-game and ask yourself: would anyone with an IQ above room temperature have seriously considered doing any of that? I don't think so. If I had to play with somebody that dim his character would have met with a bad end a long time ago. It would've saved the GM and the rest of the group a lot of trouble.

Does anyone think it's actually a smart plan to badmouth one of your "friends" (or, at least, one of your players) to other players? I cannot, and will not, defend any of the things Majoru claimed this player did. I don't really, personally, see that as a good defense for Majoru speaking rudely about the player, either. And "pinging my stupid meter"? Really? I don't care how bad a person's behavior is, that sort of thing is throwing gasoline on the fire.

It sounds to me like, yes, this "problem player" does in fact have issues playing in Majoru's group. And it may be impossible to overcome these problems. But if you want someone's behavior to improve, don't insult them. Don't do it to their face, don't do it behind their back. If you can't say nothin' nice, don't say nothin' at all. You cannot expect respect if you do not give respect. And it is completely possible to be respectful to someone when they are not at all respectful to you. Majoru did not do that. It came back to bite him later. The whole thing is a clusterf*ck of people not actually treating each other with respect, and (seemingly) finding it difficult or even impossible to speak frankly to each other.

 

[S'mon]

I generally prefer to say "poor play" rather than "you're stupid", but if a player consistently plays poorly to the detriment of the game I'll encourage them to leave. The other players shouldn't have to suffer a TPK because of a poor player, nor should I have to alter the game so that poor play somehow meets with success.

 

[Ridley's Cohort]

Sounds insane. When people are that crazy, I stay away from them. Trying to extract an apology from crazy people is nearly impossible.

I know what you mean.

"Shire!"
"Baggins!"

That is the best I have been able to do with getting apologies from crazy people, no matter how reasonable I try to be.

 

[Nellisir]

Does anyone think it's actually a smart plan to badmouth one of your "friends" (or, at least, one of your players) to other players? I cannot, and will not, defend any of the things Majoru claimed this player did. I don't really, personally, see that as a good defense for Majoru speaking rudely about the player, either. And "pinging my stupid meter"? Really? I don't care how bad a person's behavior is, that sort of thing is throwing gasoline on the fire.

It sounds to me like, yes, this "problem player" does in fact have issues playing in Majoru's group. And it may be impossible to overcome these problems. But if you want someone's behavior to improve, don't insult them. Don't do it to their face, don't do it behind their back. If you can't say nothin' nice, don't say nothin' at all. You cannot expect respect if you do not give respect. And it is completely possible to be respectful to someone when they are not at all respectful to you. Majoru did not do that. It came back to bite him later. The whole thing is a clusterf*ck of people not actually treating each other with respect, and (seemingly) finding it difficult or even impossible to speak frankly to each other.

Nope, I'm with you 110%. Actions might be stupid, but people aren't, and there's generally some reasoning behind what they do. No one chooses a "stupid" action, so they must think it's logical/reasonable. Why? There's a disconnect that's leading to faulty reasoning.

From a strictly "armchair voyeur I don't know you people" perspective, it sounds like OP plays pretty strict, by the book, and expects clever players. Tantrum Man doesn't think around corners. He likes really short, direct lines. So OP thinks the players will have a 3-part solution in Braille, and TM thinks it's supposed to be a 1-part solution in two words. Faulty reasoning.

 

[spinozajack]

Nellisir, you must have a very generous disposition to say that people aren't stupid. This person sound not only dumb, but belligerent. The worst kind of fool, if you ask me. One who thinks they are wise and cunning, but in reality their dull senses and complete lack of wit are a tedious bore. There's nothing more boorish than someone who thinks they're intelligent but really aren't, and insist on trying to prove it, and every word out of their mouth in fact proves the complete opposite. How tedious.

 

[sithramir]

I'm still shocked there are people who support someone who would leave their friends stranded. I couldn't imagine how anyone could do that.

And to not apologize after? If I knew that group I'd have probably punched this guy the next time I see him. It's just not acceptable.

It doesn't matter what the DM did. Actions speak louder than words. I'm sure he probably has reasons he did it but I'm shocked.

More shocked that anyone would let the guy show up the next week.

Just play with these other people. Stop meeting in public so you don't have to worry about this guy. He's not invited. Life is too short.

 

[Hussar]

Interesting. I would normally think that the person who has so little emotional control that they storm out is probably the one more at fault for the disruption, and who should be blocked from participating.

But, if I'm coming to organised play and spending my free time and energy to do so, and the DM is unwilling or unable to sort out the problem that is screwing up my good time, yeah, it might just be time to take a stand. How many new players is this drama costing?