D&D General DM with too High Expectations - Advice?

[Retreater]

My wife, who doesn't frequent these boards or online communities, is having an issue with her DM. Basically, he is putting a lot of time into the game to the point of GM burnout and is getting frustrated that the players (who consist of full-time employees, students, and new parents) are unable to match the out-of-game work he is putting in. He wants to begin streaming their games, start a professional DMing service, and create a "brand" (as he describes it) like Critical Role. He is giving them out of game "assignments" to work on - videos to watch, worksheets to complete, etc. He came in like a dictator for a group of friends who have been playing together for 5 years without consulting any of them about their wishes.
So I know this is definitely all second-hand information, and I don't want us to bash the guy or situation. I have given her my opinions, but I think having other experienced GMs to throw in their ideas might help - knowing they aren't invested in the situation.
What I want are tools to give my wife to help her in her conversations with this guy. Links to videos, articles, etc., she can use to talk to him about these unreasonable expectations.

 

[iserith]

Are tools really needed here other than two legs? Just walk.

 

[billd91]

I think it’s time they sat the guy down and went over expectations. That said, there are too many games where a GM has to pull teeth to get players to engage. I expect there’s plenty of room to compromise here - mainly on post session homework.
But going streaming?!? That’s a pretty fundamental shift in the whole context of the game. That’s really not a topic where compromise is possible. If he doesn’t get 100% enthusiastic consent, it’s got to off the table.

 

[Campbell]

In almost any case it's a lot better to just clearly state what your boundaries are, Attempts to convince people in that manner almost always end poorly in my experience.

 

[jgsugden]

Words. I'd use words here. Honest, yet generous, words.

"We're not interested in what you're trying to do. We appreciate all the hard work, we appreciate the effort, but we do not have the time, or the inclination, to put in the effort that you want to put into the game. We're not the right group for that effort. If you want to DM without all this additional pressure on us, that would be outstanding. If not, we're going to have to look for another DM, but we'd love for you to continue in that game as a player."

 

[DemoMonkey]

"What I want are tools to give my wife to help her in her conversations with this guy. Links to videos, articles, etc., she can use to talk to him about these unreasonable expectations."

You ... you want us to assign homework to your wife, in order to deal with the problem of her DM assigning her homework?

Do you want to think about that?

 

[Retreater]

"What I want are tools to give my wife to help her in her conversations with this guy. Links to videos, articles, etc., she can use to talk to him about these unreasonable expectations."

You ... you want us to assign homework to your wife, in order to deal with the problem of her DM assigning her homework?

Do you want to think about that?

Well a little bit of homework now to avoid an unending torrent of assignments from him.

 

[Oofta]

As others have said, time to just be honest with the DM. It's a game, a leisure activity. They're not getting paid, they won't do homework.

If the DM insists, maybe they need to seek out players that accept his vision.

 

[Mistwell]

I think the fact the DM is in a different place in life than the "full-time employees, students, and new parents" is probably the best place to focus on. The DM has likely been in a place in life where they did not have a lot of free time to devote to another project like this, and though the DM is currently in a place where they can devote that time, they need to understand others are not in that same place just like the DM at some point wasn't in that place.

If you are looking for more generalized tools though, I always recommend the book Getting To Yes. It's really very good, and not long. It does in fact work. I've rigorously tested it in practice, and the strategies they recommend are very effective. It's focus is on the actual real goals of the other side, rather than the positions they are taking, and finding ways to address those real goals rather than their positions.

Which means figuring out why the DM wants these things, why they REALLY want them. Is it to generate money? Fame? Free themselves from other kinds of work to make their hobby their job? Avoid something else in life? Engage more with the friends in this group? Etc..

 

[Larnievc]

My wife, who doesn't frequent these boards or online communities, is having an issue with her DM. Basically, he is putting a lot of time into the game to the point of GM burnout and is getting frustrated that the players (who consist of full-time employees, students, and new parents) are unable to match the out-of-game work he is putting in. He wants to begin streaming their games, start a professional DMing service, and create a "brand" (as he describes it) like Critical Role. He is giving them out of game "assignments" to work on - videos to watch, worksheets to complete, etc. He came in like a dictator for a group of friends who have been playing together for 5 years without consulting any of them about their wishes.
So I know this is definitely all second-hand information, and I don't want us to bash the guy or situation. I have given her my opinions, but I think having other experienced GMs to throw in their ideas might help - knowing they aren't invested in the situation.
What I want are tools to give my wife to help her in her conversations with this guy. Links to videos, articles, etc., she can use to talk to him about these unreasonable expectations.

If the DM is making what sounds like demands on the players time when it is inappropriate it is important to be open and honest from the outset and say ‘that’s not what I want from a game’.

Is the new DM new to the group?