D&D General DM with too High Expectations - Advice?

[Charlaquin]

If whoever DM's ends up wanting to run a style of game the previous DM doesn't want to play in (which is highly likely in this scenario), then he definitely has a say in who DM's and what games the group plays as long as he's part of the group - just as much say as any other player in that group - which from the looks of things was just established to be nearly unilateral veto power.

If someone else decides to DM, he can choose to play in the game or not to, same as the players were able to choose to play in the game he wanted to run or not to (and they chose not to).

EDIT: And no, the group was not just established to have universal veto power. The group collectively decided they didn’t want to play the game the (now former) DM wanted to run, and sat down to have a conversation about it with him. He was the one who decided to immediately shut the discussion down by refusing to run anything but exactly the game he wanted to. Which is his prerogative, but he can’t really complain if someone else then pitches a different game that the other players are interested in.

 

[billd91]

She doesn't feel like she has the time to DM and doesn't want the responsibility.
I've offered to run a game for them, most recently when the DM took a month off because of burnout, but no one jumped on it - possibly out of a fear of offending the regular DM. Two other players in their group have also spoken about wanting to try DMing, but the regular DM kinda squashes their offers.

Well, now that he refuses to run, I guess it's time for one of them to step up without him being able object. If he doesn't want to play, he can effing sit out.

 

[FrogReaver]

If someone else decides to DM, he can choose to play in the game or not to, same as the players were able to choose to play in the game he wanted to run or not to (and they chose not to).

Actually, the ones not wanting to play in it essentially vetoed it. They didn't just sit out and not play in his game. There was no game when they said they'd prefer not play that.

 

[FrogReaver]

Well, now that he refuses to run, I guess it's time for one of them to step up without him being able object. If he doesn't want to play, he can effing sit out.

They objected to his game. He can surely object to theirs?

 

[Charlaquin]

Actually, the ones not wanting to play in it essentially vetoed it. They didn't just sit out and not play in his game. There was no game when they said they'd prefer not play that.

See my edit. They came to him to discuss what they wanted out of the game, and he decided to take his ball and go home. He has no place to get pissy if someone else decides to get a new ball for them to play with.

 

[Charlaquin]

They objected to his game. He can surely object to theirs?

He sure can, and they can listen to his objections and make a group decision, like he should have done when they expressed their objections to his game.

 

[FrogReaver]

See my edit. They came to him to discuss what they wanted out of the game, and he decided to take his ball and go home. He has no place to get pissy if someone else decides to get a new ball for them to play with.

One can view things however they want. I think it's most likely that he had already decided he didn't want to play in or DM a less intense D&D game. He vetoed their game just like they vetoed his. If what he is doing is taking your ball and going home, then the players that vetoed his game did the same thing.

 

[FrogReaver]

He sure can, and they can listen to his objections and make a group decision, like he should have done when they expressed their objections to his game.

What group decision? That he run something he doesn't want to run? LOL

Or that they kick him to the curb by insisting to play something he refuses to play? That's not him leaving the group voluntarily. That's being booted. They can boot him if they want. But let's call a spade a spade.

 

[Jfdlsjfd]

If your wife feels bad for speaking up, she could certainly volunteer to GM maybe not a whole adventure path but maybe a shorter endeavour like "well we ko longer have a DM, uno is cool but as I said a relaxed rpg is what I want so I am proposing to try something and we'll see". No big commitment given her workload, and no big expectztion set for the others... but still providing a solution to the problem she feels bad about. And invite the dm as well, he could decline if it is lot what he wants as a player but it wouldn't stop the group to have fun. And it could prompt other gm to volunteer.

 

[el-remmen]

Seems pretty straightforward to me:

DM: I want us to play this style and form of D&D game.
Player(s): We don't really want to play that and prefer the earlier style we played.
DM: Either we play the game I wanted or we play board games on game night.
Player(s): Well, Toni says she is willing to give DMing a try so we're gonna go play X thing.
DM: I don't want to play that. I only want to play what I described.
Player(s): That's cool, but I guess you're gonna have to find someone else to play that way with, in the meantime you are welcome to join game X. If not, maybe the next game will be more to your liking. Hopefully, we can still get a board game night in every once in a while too - so you should definitely come to that!

The DM can then whine and insist that no one else should run a game if it doesn't match his preferences without compromise, but not sure why that would be persuasive and not just reason to be like "What the heck is wrong with that guy? He's being a baby!"

I feel like I know this because in the past I was that baby and got over myself.