D&D General DM with too High Expectations - Advice?

[Blue]

The Shocking Conclusion?...

So they had their meeting last night. After my wife and one other player said they don't want an overly intense game, the DM said, "Sorry that's all I will run." And then without any more debate said that their D&D game time will now be online versions of Uno or Clue. My wife felt terrible about voicing her opinions and taking away the option of playing D&D. I tried to reassure her that it wasn't her fault for standing up for herself - and it is solely on the DM for taking away their options and not having discussions.
What a jerk.

The DM only has authority as granted by the players - which doesn't extend to outside the game unless they let it. They can say "I'm not running my game anymore", but not a "we will get together in this slot and play Uno and Clue" and shutting down any group discussion. I know you were trying not to bash they guy, but that really seems like a crowning moment of egotism that goes hand-in-hand with some of our worse assumptions about the DM;s demands on the players (and the edited video so no other voices had a platform to be heard on).

On their normal channels I'd talk about wanting to continue to play D&D and ask if anyone was interested in running or knew a DM that might fit the nature of the group. But then if this is really a friend they need to be told that they aren't acting like a friend and they aren't anyone in the group's boss to try to order them around. For the long term good of the friendship.

 

[cmad1977]

Time for her to find a new group. This group may have been great for a while but even the best teams/groups/bands sometimes grow apart.

Edit: or excise this guy. At least for a bit. I have a feeling he’d be a petty player in someone else’s game right now. You don’t want “locker room poison”.

 

[qbalrog]

A conversation is the best place to start but it may be need to be focused on the players and GM going their separate way. As the usual GM I can appreciate the frustration when hours of prep are not appreciated by the players who often have trouble reading a simple handout (my experience over the decades). Personally, I've come to the point where any prep I put into the game is for my own enjoyment (the fun of describing a place, person or plotting a scenario, the satisfaction of a game well received). Beyond that, I'm happy I can get a group of players together regularly even if they don't do much out of game.

That said, what this GM seems to be asking for is unpaid assistance in their dream of monetizing their hobby. It's fine for them to monetize their game but it is hardly fair for them to demand unpaid support from the players. If this is a deeply held goal, then it is probably time to part ways. Any players that want to help can stay with the game, the rest probably need to find a new game. There's no point in prolonging the agony. Sure it's tough to find a new GM but a player can step up, you can look for local options or, these days, online is quite robust and active. Or the players can agree to help but try to modulate the ask from the GM. Myself, I'd be pretty put off by this behavior.

 

[jgsugden]

The DM has the right to say, "This is the only type of game I want to run. Sorry. I'm not running a game unless it fits my parameters."

However, the group can say, "Cool. We're going to find someone else to DM, then. We're sorry we're not seeing eye to eye on this issue."

Has your wife considered buying an adventure path module and DMing herself? Or, considering you are on these boards - have you considered becoming their DM?

 

[el-remmen]

I guess I just can't imagine people having no idea what areas they come from and what kind of backgrounds are appropriate for that.

In my current campaign I let players choose any kind of background and area they are from. They had carte blanche to make up places and people and institutions and gods, etc. . . with the caveat that that was the "known world" (I imagine it like a kitchen sink, Greyhawk/FR kinda world) and the campaign would be taking place in an (from their perspective) unexplored corner of the world. Thus, I did not give them more than a paragraph of info about where they were going, but allowed info to be learned in-game. Meanwhile, this also allowed them to tweak details of their backstory on the fly when they wanted to better engage with things going on now.

 

[Retreater]

Has your wife considered buying an adventure path module and DMing herself? Or, considering you are on these boards - have you considered becoming their DM?

She doesn't feel like she has the time to DM and doesn't want the responsibility.
I've offered to run a game for them, most recently when the DM took a month off because of burnout, but no one jumped on it - possibly out of a fear of offending the regular DM. Two other players in their group have also spoken about wanting to try DMing, but the regular DM kinda squashes their offers.

 

[Thomas Shey]

In my current campaign I let players choose any kind of background and area they are from. They had carte blanche to make up places and people and institutions and gods, etc. . . with the caveat that that was the "known world" (I imagine it like a kitchen sink, Greyhawk/FR kinda world) and the campaign would be taking place in an (from their perspective) unexplored corner of the world. Thus, I did not give them more than a paragraph of info about where they were going, but allowed info to be learned in-game. Meanwhile, this also allowed them to tweak details of their backstory on the fly when they wanted to better engage with things going on now.

That requires, as you note, an extremely kitchen-sink world to work, however; if the campaign has more shape to it, that makes no sense, and I only want to run a kitchen sink occasionally.

 

[el-remmen]

That requires, as you note, an extremely kitchen-sink world to work, however; if the campaign has more shape to it, that makes no sense, and I only want to run a kitchen sink occasionally.

Oh sure. My past campaigns have had very detailed homebrew settings, but after doing that for a couple of decades, I gravitated towards the approach I described above to take the onus off the players to have to do much "homework" and left me more open-ended options for introducing material. In my experience, many of the players who have an inclination to go deep, don't have the time, and those who do have the time, don't always have the inclination. This way lets players be as specific or general as they wanted.

Not for everyone, but was looking for a baseline buy in for players who don't care about setting beyond the immediate story their characters are involved in, but left room for those who do want more.

 

[Charlaquin]

She doesn't feel like she has the time to DM and doesn't want the responsibility.
I've offered to run a game for them, most recently when the DM took a month off because of burnout, but no one jumped on it - possibly out of a fear of offending the regular DM. Two other players in their group have also spoken about wanting to try DMing, but the regular DM kinda squashes their offers.

Well, the good news here is that since the DM is refusing to run a game unless the players play it the way he wants them to, he’s forfeit any say over who does DM. If you or the other players want to step in, he can’t stop them. He might leave the group, but from what I’ve read that sounds like it would only be an improvement.

 

[FrogReaver]

Well, the good news here is that since the DM is refusing to run a game unless the players play it the way he wants them to, he’s forfeit any say over who does DM. If you or the other players want to step in, he can’t stop them. He might leave the group, but from what I’ve read that sounds like it would only be an improvement.

If whoever DM's ends up wanting to run a style of game the previous DM doesn't want to play in (which is highly likely in this scenario), then he definitely has a say in who DM's and what games the group plays as long as he's part of the group - just as much say as any other player in that group - which from the looks of things was just established to be nearly unilateral veto power.