D&D 5E DMing for Neurodiverse Tweens

[Ralif Redhammer]

So some friends of mine asked me if I'd be interesting in running D&D for a group of 11-14 year olds that are on the spectrum. Does anyone have any experience in doing so and have any advice? Heck, I'd settle for advice on running for tweens. The last time I did that, I was one myself!

 

[Ruin Explorer]

A couple of the people I used to play with at that age later got diagnosed as being on the spectrum (100% unsurprising in either case), and I'd say based on playing with them for years, I think the main thing to avoid is moral quandaries/conflicts, because, especially when you're dealing with that age group, things can really fraught and opinions can be extremely strongly held and rather unexpected, and I think autism can interact with this in an exacerbating way.

Moral quandaries and similar conflicts can be highly effective dramatic devices with older audiences, really engaging them with the game, the temptation is to think that it's also a good way to go at that age. But I would say stick to adventures where the PCs are going to be roughly unambiguously the good guys, dealing with the bad guys - I hate to say this - but avoid too much nuance or complexity. You can have surprises and reveals and stuff but they should be more the prince from Frozen rather than anything too challenging.

Also be prepared for the players to be extremely stubborn about certain things, even more so than you might expect at that age, and to flex the adventure/NPC behaviour around that, probably. One of the worst TPKs I saw was the result of one of the two players I mentioned digging his heels in, in a way I as an adult recognise was probably avoidable by just having the NPCs behave differently before it came to that. I was a teen myself and thinking "But that's what they would do! He just needs to be less stubborn!" - but in retrospect I think his stubborn-ness there was linked to some neurodiverse issues he was having (I have extreme ADHD myself and I've seen that cause issues before, particularly before I was medicated in my 20s).

I suspect people who have DM'd for such groups more recently will have even better advice but I really think avoiding moral conflicts, particularly ones to do with stuff like taking prisoners, trying to keep people you've rescued alive, and so on is very helpful to smooth play with that age group particularly.

 

[Retreater]

Be patient. Make sure everyone stays respectful. I'd not criticize actions as being "stupid," etc. I'd ask if they'd like help, but not offer it if it's not requested.
Realize that there are different learning styles. Think of different ways of presenting the information, organizing character sheets, etc. If they're very new to games, perhaps have the die-types color-coded to make them easier to distinguish.
Having a visual representation, such as miniatures or a map, may make it easier for minds that wander to come back to the action.

 

[aco175]

I found that like most adult groups there are some that are into roleplay and some that are not comfortable acting our or speaking in funny voices. You also have to look at non-verbal clues about being uncomfortable.

I also kept things more simple for younger kids. Giant rats in the basement is something new to them and can be played without moans.

You may find that some like to track everything from the smallest copper to torches and rations. Even spell components and how much gold it will take to get the silver statue for my whatever spell.

Puzzles might be ok for them. Like adults again, some puzzles are boring for some people, but some kids feel empowered if they can solve the puzzle. I had some rather simple puzzle that my kid figured out and it opened the tomb, he was ecstatic. Granted the other players gave him an opportunity to solve it before blurting it out.

It was something like; A young noble's name or what the artist or archer must have done. Drew

 

[Clint_L]

So some friends of mine asked me if I'd be interesting in running D&D for a group of 11-14 year olds that are on the spectrum. Does anyone have any experience in doing so and have any advice? Heck, I'd settle for advice on running for tweens. The last time I did that, I was one myself!

I've been a teacher for decades and run the D&D Club at my school, which is full of neurodiverse kids, my own child has autism and I have run games for him and his friends, and last summer I ran a D&D camp for neurodiverse tweens and teens. So I have some relevant experience!

1. Be flexible. Maybe a kid just really wants to play as a Sith Lord or a particular Mortal Combat character (these both happened last summer). Find a way to let the kid have their fantasy without disrupting the game (last summer the answer was Hexblade Warlock for one and Monk for the other, with some extra flavour thrown in). Don't get stuck on how things "have" to be; it's an imagination game.

2. Following that, kids on the spectrum tend to get "stuck" a lot more easily than other kids. When that happens, back off! Give them space, and figure out a solution by changing tactics and looking for mutual wins. Attempting to push through will shut them down completely, and you might well get a situation. Flexibility will be so, so important.

3. Give them time. A lot of kids on the spectrum have trouble with speech in various ways. Help, but don't "interpret" or speak for them - it's really disempowering and trust me, they hate it. This game is going to move at a slower pace.

4. Did I mention be flexible? The story might go in directions that you never planned. Roll with it!

5. Some neurodivergent kids are great with math, but for a lot its their worst nightmare, and a source of embarrassment when they can't do simple sums quickly (especially if another kids shades them for it). Consider using DnDBeyond so that those who want to can use the automated dice rolling features. Or let them use a calculator and let everyone see that you appreciate folks taking time to double check their math, so it's not seen as a big deal.

6. Cheating might happen (and not just with neurodivergent kids at this age). Don't make a big public deal about it; this is the time for a private, kind-hearted conversation.

Kids on the spectrum face challenges that others don't, and typically don't even think about. For example, they don't quickly intuit social behaviours and norms, and will frequently need explanation. Handle these things privately and with a good heart, understanding that there is a lot you don't know, and that for many of them, even showing up at something like a D&D game is a huge and scary step. Typically kids on the spectrum spend a lot of time hiding in different ways because they are so afraid of screwing up, so above all do everything you can to make this a safe space.

I really, really admire you for doing this. It's extra work but I promise that it is incredibly rewarding, and so important for these kids!

 

[overgeeked]

Autism is a wide spectrum so it mostly depends on where the kids are on the spectrum.

Check with their parents for any triggers or special interests. You want to avoid both. Triggers for obvious reasons, special interests because if one player is hyper-interested in say spiders and you mentuon spiders, you could be in for an hour-long lecture on spiders.

Make accommodations and be understanding. The players will stim and move and rock in ways that you won’t understand, just let them. If a player needs to dive into their phone or headphones or whatever, let them. Find a good, non-confrontational way to get their attention.

Find out what media they like, find any overlaps, and try to tailor the experience to the players. Do not run a railroad. Run something that is fully responsive to the players and their choices. Improv the whole thing if you have to. Expect maximum shenanigans that sometimes won’t make sense. Say yes or roll.

Depending on how verbal they are, have a close relative who can “interpret” for you when necessary. If necessary.

Find out how they show frustration and how or if you should try to help with that. Some people want to be left alone others want to be soothed or they will stim until calmer.

 

[Umbran]

So some friends of mine asked me if I'd be interesting in running D&D for a group of 11-14 year olds that are on the spectrum. Does anyone have any experience in doing so and have any advice?

Yes: Speak to the parents and/or teachers about the particular challenges and behaviors their kids have. Being "on the spectrum" is a very generic statement. The specifics might be helpful to you.

Especially ask how the various kids behave when they are feeling frustrated, and what methods are effective at bringing them back around when they get upset.

And heck, parents ought to want to speak with any adult who is expecting to spend significant time with their kids anyway, right? Introduce yourself, give your contact information.

Heck, I'd settle for advice on running for tweens. The last time I did that, I was one myself!

While I haven't run games for kids on the autism spectrum or with significant ADD, I have run for tweens, so I can offer some thoughts.

1) As new players they may be a bit tentative. They might be engines of drive and creativity or... not. They don't have an idea of what is possible, and depending on the social dynamic of the kids at the table, or how they feel about you, they may be afraid of looking dumb for doing "the wrong thing". While accepting their off-the wall ideas can be good, making sure there are good approaches that are pretty darned obvious can be your friend.

2) If they don't know you, personally, they may be reluctant to roleplay with you. It may take them a while to feel you are safe to get into a social situation with, so be patient.

3) Some kids pick up rules like lightning, but be prepared to be patient - when you think about it, even a basic combat has many steps in it, and that can be daunting enough that even a smart kid can get a bit whelmed by their own anxiety, if nothing else.

4) Determine what you goals are for play - are you trying to give them something like a "standard D&D game", or do you just want them to have crazy fun? You can help set them up for future success by how you present things either way. When you are deviating from the written rules, or filling in a gap, tell them. When you are sticking to the rules, tell them. "By the rules, the DC for that is going to be really high" or "Well, that's not covered by the rules, but it sounds cool, so let's say it works this way..." can be your friends.

4a) Avoid flat, "No, that won't work" answers. Never, ever, tell them their ideas are stupid, crazy, or bad. A better approach would be, "That would be really hard, and it might hurt your character if you fail," style explanations.

4b) If they seem stuck, pick a character who has appropriate skills, and ask them to make an appropriate roll to get a hint, and present it as something the character would know based on their class, background, etc. Rotate who you pick for hints.

 

[Clint_L]

Yes: Speak to the parents and/or teachers about the particular challenges and behaviors their kids have. Being "on the spectrum" is a very generic statement. The specifics might be helpful to you.

Especially ask how the various kids behave when they are feeling frustrated, and what methods are effective at bringing them back around when they get upset.

And heck, parents ought to want to speak with any adult who is expecting to spend significant time with their kids anyway, right? Introduce yourself, give your contact information.

All of the post was good advice, but this part is especially vital. Yes! Make sure to do all of this!

 

[Ralif Redhammer]

Thanks for the great advice, everyone! I really appreciate it.

 

[Ibrandul]

I have several years of recent experience regularly DMing 5e for one autistic tween and one highly ADHD tween in a group filled out with their parents as the other players. I have also DM'd 5e for several other autistic and ADHD tweens in the past.

Other posters' advice given above is excellent. Let me expand on just a few things:

- I can't emphasize enough that not all neurodivergent players are the same, not even the ones who share the "same" neurodivergence labels. Some autistic players are hyper-good at math, others not; some autistic players are virtually incapable of interpreting social cues, others have honed this skill very well. Some ADHD players will thrive if given "movement breaks" every fifteen minutes where they run outside and do a couple of laps around the building; others will get so hyperfocused imagining the game fiction that it's hard to transition back into the real world.

- It may be difficult for some of your players to accept things that they see as violations of RAW or DMing inconsistencies such as one-time exceptional rulings. It's hard for some young players to accept that the DM may not always make rulings they think are good ones, or may run the game differently than they would prefer. And they may be very unforgiving of your imperfections—and may have a hard time understanding why it's even a good thing to be forgiving. Be as patient as you can with this if you encounter it.

- Most DMs at times neglect to differentiate between players' thought patterns and their characters'. This is often discussed re: INT checks, because players themselves are often better at the skills represented by INT than their characters are supposed to be, which poses difficulties or at least questions related to DMing and design. This differentiation may be more important to bear in mind with neurodivergent players. For example, on a successful Insight check a DM might say "She cracks her left thumb every time she mentions the treasure" and assume that the players' own "insight" is robust enough to grasp the implication. With most players, that information means she's hiding something; with an autistic player, it may just mean she cracks her left thumb every time she mentions the treasure—no more, no less. If I want them to know she's hiding something, I tell them exactly that. Perhaps that's just best practice with all players, but it may be more necessary with neurodivergent players.

- On a related note, it may be difficult or even impossible for some neurodivergent players to compartmentalize information that they (as players) possess but their characters lack. An autistic player whose CN fighter has never encountered a Rakshasa—but who has memorized the Rakshasa stat block—is probably going to direct the NG longbow ranger and rapier-wielding CG bard to focus their attacks on that enemy. And asking "Wait, how does your character know that's such a good idea?"—while a valid question for many groups' playstyles—might not make much sense to them, or might feel like you're ruining their moment to shine.

- Avoiding serious moral quandaries is great advice. You might find that your players also struggle with the notion that what their characters do has any negative effect on the world around them. One player of a rogue PC chose to steal from a rude, rich patron of an upscale inn—but then became distraught when the inn's house detective was fired for failing to solve the crime.

- RPGs can provide players—perhaps especially neurodivergent ones—with invaluable opportunities to develop skills that may not come easily to them, especially social skills. You can't push it, but you can be aware of it. To take points I already mentioned: I try to bite my tongue when players are unforgiving of my imperfections as a DM, but I sometimes intervene when they're unforgiving of each others' imperfect tactical decisions. With the Insight check, "She's hiding something" is better than just "She keeps cracking her left thumb when discussing the treasure"—but best of all is to say both things, which may help players develop the skill of deducing others' mental states from observable cues. And so on.

- Last but not least, neurodivergences are awesome. One of my ADHD players is the most creative in-game problem-solver I've ever had. One of my autistic players has memorized every spell and official stat block in the game and all the other players' character sheets. These are incredible skills that can make for memorable games, especially if the DM leans into their players' strengths.