You have been calling a technique dishonest. That's judging everyone who uses that technique dishonest.
What would you call it? When you hide something that you know will bother someone else precisely
because you know it will bother them. In what way is that not dishonest? So, yup, I do consider the technique dishonest. That's precisely the reason I don't like it.
So, in what way is it honest? In what way is it transparent? How, exactly, is changing die rolls secretly without the permission or the approval of the players, honest?
It wasn't that general to start with. But objecting to legitimate DM tools can't help but touch on that. And, it's presumably because 5e is so committed to DM empowerment that it endorses such tools. Why doesn't really matter. You begrudge DMs a useful tool and insult them for using it. That's, at the very least, less than polite. At worst it's judgmental OneTrueWayism. There's nothing dishonest about using a DM technique like that. It's no more dishonest than posting using a handle instead of your real name. It's a common convention in that context. Nobody thinks your name is really 'Hussar' for instance. Now, it may well detract from your enjoyment to think that the guy making up everything that's happening in the game world might also be making up the results of the occasional die roll - seems a little inconsistent to me, but emotional reactions often are - if you can't trust him to do the latter, how are you trusting him to do the former?
Except you keep ignoring the fact that using fudging is presented as one of two options. The other option is to not do it. It's not like you absolutely have to fudge to make the game work. Sure, I could use my real name, and not a handle, but, there are a number of very good reasons why I shouldn't - privacy and personal safety concerns are more than enough. And, again, it's perfectly fine to play a game without any prep. Not my cup of tea, but, fine. Again, the DM isn't hiding this. The DM may not advertise the fact, or he might. There's no problem with telling your players that you are winging it tonight.
There is a problem with telling your players that you are fudging die rolls. That's why the advice tells you to keep it a secret.
You are saying that I'm doing something ethically wrong by running 5e, though. And I don't appreciate that.
Buh? Nope. Not even a little. I'm saying that fudging is dishonest. It wouldn't matter what game you are playing. And, again, if fudging was perfectly acceptable, why not tell your players that you are doing it?
On the contrary, it's perfectly serviceable, and, yes, it does highlight that the player is being PITA, because he is, he's pulling the OneTrueWay routine, insisting everyone play his way. That's what a lot of these issues come down to - is everyone able to show common courtesy to eachother, or is there a basic incompatibility.
Bingo. Here's the answer right here. Telling the DM your play preferences is now being a PITA and pulling OneTrueWayism. Now, I'm not even allowed to express a preference at the table? It's perfectly acceptable to tell me that I'm wrong while cramming your play style down my throat? This is why the players don't bring it up. Why does showing "common courtesy" mean that I get singled out at every session just to "prove" that the DM is being fair? Yeah, I'm thinking that this "common courtesy" thing isn't all it cracked up to be.
If you have to worry about being 'that guy' to get what you want, what you want may not be as reasonable as you think.
But it's perfectly reasonable to label me a PITA for actually having a preference and then grandstand at every session to hammer the point home? That's your idea of reasonable? I'm thinking that instead, most players are either going to quietly bow out (which is what I would do) or simply put up and shut up, leaving the DM oblivious.
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If I'm doing something that I know someone won't like, and I'm hiding what I'm doing precisely because I know they won't like the fact that I'm doing it, then in all likelihood, in my opinion, I probably shouldn't be doing that thing, whatever it is.