does a nice, shy, meek guy have a chance in hell?

[Aaron L]

well all, i DO plan on trying to chnge, and i have been listening (ok, reading) the advice, and i really appreciate it. its going to be very hard and i dont knwo how long or how many tries its going to take, but i am going to try. cant promise results, but i will try.

depression is a serious problem for me, yes. i was taking orizacfor a while and maybe i shold see about geting back on it. not sure.

and i had to apologize for being an ass but you see my problem, i have all the masculinity of a little girl. thats gonna be the hardest thing for me to change around.

now, if i could just get my funny back. i swear, i used to be funny. i had a webpage devoted to my jokes my everquest guld put up back a few years ago. i seem to have lost it. or maybe im just funnier over live internet chat.... could be.

but one thing: i dont think im EVER going to be the brash bold leader type. is it ok to be a quiet shy confident guy? does that work at all? that will be my first step, at least.

seriously guys, i got no clue. and im horrible at following things. (ADD at work) I need to build steps for myself to follow. and spell them out for myself in small words that i wont forget. (not saying im dumb, im supposed to be quite intelligent. i was in gifted in highschool, which doesnt mean much, but it IS very funny because i was also in learning disabled classes at the same time because they provided the LD room and teacher to aid me if i ever needed it. i usually just helped her with the other students, but i was in gifted and LD classes at the same time. sorry, just amuses me still)

see, im talking myself up to try to build up some confidence


i think my big goal will be a kiss befre i turn 30 in 4 months. god doesnt that sound awful?

 

[WhimsyTheFae]

Seconded. Or maybe "quoted for truth." Panexa made me the man I am today. Before Panexa, I was a 400-lbs. blob who hated sunlight, girls and showers. Now I'm a highly successful male stripper and pr0n star.

I was a skinny, pasty nerd and now I have women grabbing my crotch in public (my wife is not happy with Panexa). Oh yeah, I can now lick through steel...

 

[Warrior Poet]

Oh yeah, I can now lick through steel...

Maybe that's why your wife's not happy with Panexa.

 

[reveal]

Maybe that's why your wife's not happy with Panexa.

Now if it were the other way around.......

 

[WhimsyTheFae]

Maybe that's why your wife's not happy with Panexa.

Maybe the prehensile colon will help...

 

[Ralts Bloodthorne]

I love it when Warlord Ralts shows up to a thread!

"Give my creation . . . LIIIIIFE!!!"



"We had a talk about these things but I didn't say it in thunder. Ma'am . . . listen to the thunder." -Wild Bill Hickock, Deadwood

Warrior Poet

Yeah, I think I remember being called "The drunken emotionally abusive uncle nobody really wants in the family, but has."

I don't mind someone asking for help, hell, I'll be one of the first to help you and listen to your problems (There goes my internet badass membership, I'll have to turn in my all caps keyboard and my lexicon) but I cannot abide someone who just sits around snivellling and whining and won't even try to help him/herself and expects all the work to be done for them.

I swear to all the Nine Gods of Entropy, I cannot STAND self-pitying drama queens who just want to throw themselves into the pity pig pen and wallow around in it. If you want to tell me about your problems, FINE! But living your life in a constant pity party is about attractive in a friend as them bathing in a cesspool.

Everyone throws themselves a pity party now and then. Even I do, but what annoys me is the people who sit there saying "I can't!" and excusing it with whatever medical diagnosis.

Guess what, I see mentally handicapped people all the time leading good healthy lives.

I know plenty of physcially disabled people who have full, happy lives.

People who want to lay on the cross like some kind of modern day Pity-Me Christ really annoy me.

Now if this guy wants help, I'll help him. If I lived nearby, I'd probably even take him out for beers and to the mall.

--------------------------------------

Now, back to him. That's enough about me to make a dog retch...

--------------------------------------

I noticed, you are falling into the Cynical Lonely Guy Trap (CR 15) that many people do. You're automatically writing people off as "bitches" or "skanky ho's" just because they don't flock over to you.

Cruising for a date is more than sitting in the corner of the bar plugging money into the jukebox and staring at your drink. I saw those guys all the time in the bar, and not ONCE did I ever see them go home with ANYONE, not even the local barfly.

Look around. Make eye contact with people. Go play DARTS OR POOL OR SOMETHING!

That's just it. By sitting in the same place, you are advertising you: A) Want to be left alone B) ARe a loser C) Have severe problems D) Are waiting for someone E) Are possibly that murderer they've heard about F) Are a vampire.

Go play darts. I've met women that I introduced to the back seat of my car for some comparisons on body temperature at the dart board. Women love darts for some reason. Go play pool. You'll have more competition, but then you can strike up conversations like: "How did you make that shot?" When not shooting (for God's sake, do NOT talk during a shot or stand in direct line of vision) pool players LOVE to talk.

Stay away from ANY game where you can do it solo. The tempatation will be great, grasshopper, for you to remain solo.

Women watch, and if you can't socially interact with another guy, they know you won't be going out places and taking them making J00 == L053R!

And like everyone here has said, don't worry if she's a skank. And while you're at it, delete that from your lexicon.

Get rid of slut, whore, ho, and all the other stuff.

You're asking a woman to share a part of her body and are mentally calling her names? <rolling up newspaper> NO! *whap* BAD GRASSHOPPER! NO! *whap* Unless she asks you for money, treat her nicely and with respect, even in your own mind.

Repeat after me...

The women who want to share themselves with me, be it necking in the back of the bar or full throw down flesh pressing, are friendly. Maybe over friendly, but friendly. They are nice to me, and I should be nice to them.


Oh, and on that topic...

The first time she so much as mumbles stop, slow down, or no, stand up, step back, button up, and sit at least 10 feet away. Believe me, you'll be a lot better off.

 

[Buttercup]

I just realized, I am someone who apologizes too much. I'm sorry.

 

[Desdichado]

but you see my problem, i have all the masculinity of a little girl. thats gonna be the hardest thing for me to change around.

Try switching to a diet of raw testosterone.

but one thing: i dont think im EVER going to be the brash bold leader type. is it ok to be a quiet shy confident guy? does that work at all? that will be my first step, at least.

Sure, that works just fine. There's a fine line between "brash bold leader type" and "". Quiet confidence is probably a better place to be, frankly. Although quiet != shy. I don't think shy and confident really fit in the same sentence without a negative in there too, as in, "he's quiet and confident, not shy."

EDIT: Didn't realize that word was filtered; "donkeyhole?" Naw, that just sounds stupid.

 

[fusangite]

well all, i DO plan on trying to chnge, and i have been listening (ok, reading) the advice, and i really appreciate it. its going to be very hard and i dont knwo how long or how many tries its going to take, but i am going to try. cant promise results, but i will try.

Then may I suggest you begin by developing a routine for administering your meds and making your appointments yourself. If you're not independent enough to survive without daily maternal intervention, creating opportunities for using condoms will be all the more challenging.

depression is a serious problem for me, yes. i was taking orizacfor a while and maybe i shold see about geting back on it. not sure.

I don't know much about the interactions anti-depressants have with anti-convulsants or whatever it is that you are also on but there is a big menu of anti-depressants out there so I'm sure there is one that won't produce adverse drug interactions. Out of curiosity, what, other than negative drug interactions, could be the downside of doing anti-depressants? I'll bet they'd cost less than the money you're currently spending on self-medication through alcohol and tobacco.

and i had to apologize for being an ass but you see my problem, i have all the masculinity of a little girl. thats gonna be the hardest thing for me to change around.

Aaron, you're being passive-aggressive when you say stuff like this. And you know it. Your previous statement is calculated to articulate the highest-possible level of resistance to what people are saying here, couched in the language of total submission and compliance. You're having an argument with us in which your position is that you are an irredeemable loser and our position is that you are not. This statement is a clever tactic to try and force us to agree with you. Fortunately, many of us are very experienced with this particular kind of discourse and refuse to let you win.

You are unhappy. You want to believe that you have no control over this unhappiness; indeed, you want to believe that you have no control in your life, period. So, when you fight with people, your aggression is cloaked in a discourse of powerlessness. That's because you want to have power without responsibility, without agency. You want things to turn out the way you want without making yourself responsible for the outcome.

but one thing: i dont think im EVER going to be the brash bold leader type. is it ok to be a quiet shy confident guy? does that work at all? that will be my first step, at least.

Start with trying to become an independent, responsible guy. See what kind of person you are once you have taken charge of your meds and your living situation.

seriously guys, i got no clue. and im horrible at following things. (ADD at work) I need to build steps for myself to follow. and spell them out for myself in small words that i wont forget.

1. Ask your mom to give you a list of all your doctors' phone numbers and addresses.
2. Ask your mom for custody of all your meds.
3. Call the people who run your disability program and ask if they, or an agency they can direct you to, can train you in setting up a routine for taking your medication.
4. Set up a profile on Yahoo! and other free internet dating sites.
5. Make an appointment with your psychiatrist about getting back on anti-depressants. Also ask him/her for advice on setting up your own medication-taking routine.
6. Book a time to visit your brother in Pittsburg and get the lay of the land there in terms of rent, cost of living, etc. to see what it would take to move there.
7. Call your female friend whom you've been losing touch with.

i think my big goal will be a kiss befre i turn 30 in 4 months. god doesnt that sound awful?

Let me recommend a goal that you can choose to achieve, that does not have to be contingent on another person but will nevertheless help you to take women down off that pedestal:
8. While you're in Pittsburg, go to a strip bar and buy yourself a lapdance as an early 30th birthday present; actually, try and talk your brother into buying it for you.

In my view, people should only set goals if they can achieve them with or without other people's cooperation. A goal totally dependent on someone else agreeing to something isn't a goal; it's a hope, and, in my view, a hope waiting to be dashed.

 

[Ralts Bloodthorne]

well all, i DO plan on trying to chnge, and i have been listening (ok, reading) the advice, and i really appreciate it. its going to be very hard and i dont knwo how long or how many tries its going to take, but i am going to try. cant promise results, but i will try.

There you go, little soldier. Chin up and eyes front.

First thing we're going to do is work on your meekness.

See that little key next to the Z key? That's capitals. Use it. It's a start in being forefront, and won't offend anyone. And I'm not being mean or sarcastic, even your posting style is submissive to the point where an S&M dom would knock over a crowd of nuns with a bus to get at you.

depression is a serious problem for me, yes. i was taking orizacfor a while and maybe i shold see about geting back on it. not sure.

That's something for a doctor, not me.

BUT...

I have a friend who has slight problems with crashing into depression for days at time. What's sad, is he gets a lot of ladies at this time.

Here's what you do:

Buy some black clothing. Memorize angsty poetry. Raid your mom's makeup for white foundation and black eyeshadow/lipstick. Dress all in black, go to local goth club (even if you have to ride the bus, trust me, people leave goth's alone on the Greyhound most of the time) and be depressed. The goth-babes will flock to you. Talk about how you feel you want to cut yourself. Revel in your depression.

Then go home, look in the mirror. Wash your face. Look again. Feel free to bust up laughing in the shower as you realize just what a pretentious ass you were.

It's fun. And can be healthy.

and i had to apologize for being an ass but you see my problem, i have all the masculinity of a little girl. thats gonna be the hardest thing for me to change around.

<rolls up newspaper> NO! *whap* BAD GRASSHOPPER! NO! *whap*

Reach between your legs. Feel that? You have more masculinity than a girl.

And quit apologizing.

Your masuclenity isn't a problem. Being masculine isn't the end all be all of a relationship.

It's your self confidence, which right now, looks like the Hindenburg. Going down in flames.

Trust us, Grasshopper, you ahve the skills to post on the internet, that puts you above the hordes of mouth breathing slackjaws the world is populated with.

now, if i could just get my funny back. i swear, i used to be funny. i had a webpage devoted to my jokes my everquest guld put up back a few years ago. i seem to have lost it. or maybe im just funnier over live internet chat.... could be.

NO! *whap* BAD GRASSHOPPER! NO! *whap*

but one thing: i dont think im EVER going to be the brash bold leader type. is it ok to be a quiet shy confident guy? does that work at all? that will be my first step, at least.

The quiet shy confident guy? He's the ****** pirate! He may be quiet, shy in public, but inside there, he's swaggering around with his peg leg, specially outfitted artificial hand, with a stripper dancing on his shoulder going "Yar, give me yer booty!"

You can't fake being the brash bold leader type. It's not something you can learn. You either are or aren't.

But the quiet shy confident guy is the guy that women like from what I've seen.

seriously guys, i got no clue. and im horrible at following things. (ADD at work)

NO! *whap* BAD GRASSHOPPER! NO! *whap*

You can follow short things, if they are quickly accomplished. Otherwise, you lose interest quickly if it doesn't keep you mentally stimulated. You get bored easily and skip projects. It might be ADD, who knows, but hey...

Ohh, shiney!

You aren't sure how to proceed, and so are asking for advice. When it comes to women, you're more clueless than the rest of us and...

HEY! A balloon!

I need to build steps for myself to follow. and spell them out for myself in small words that i wont forget. (not saying im dumb, im supposed to be quite intelligent. i was in gifted in highschool, which doesnt mean much, but it IS very funny because i was also in learning disabled classes at the same time because they provided the LD room and teacher to aid me if i ever needed it. i usually just helped her with the other students, but i was in gifted and LD classes at the same time. sorry, just amuses me still)

see, im talking myself up to try to build up some confidence


i think my big goal will be a kiss befre i turn 30 in 4 months.

Good goal!

god doesnt that sound awful?

NO! *whap* BAD GRASSHOPPER! NO! *whap*

That's a good start.

If you are DEADLY serious about that, there's a lot of us that will walk you through the baby steps. Look at the post above mine. There's some good outlines.

AND STOP WITH THE PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE CRAP!

My first question: What kind of soap/aftershave/cologne do you use, and what does your wardrobe consist of?